Sonic the Hedgehog: Knuckles' 30th Anniversary Special

Sonic the Hedgehog: Knuckles' 30th Anniversary Special

Publication Date: November 20th, 2024

 

While Sega seems to have tentatively discarded the idea that "Classic" Sonic and "Modern" Sonic are alternate universe versions of the same character that exists in different dimensions, the fact of the matter is that the Classic/Modern divide still functionally exists. Classic Sonic stars in retro-style platformers. Modern Sonic takes hits of the ol' Boost Formula. Classic Sonic has a big head and a diminutive body. Modern Sonic has lankier limbs and a more elongated torso. Most pressingly, it would seem that some characters remain locked behind the Classic Era curtain. It might technically be all one timeline now but, as of this writing, cast members like Mighty, Ray, Fang, Bark and Bean remain isolated to the retro titles while the likes of Shadow, Rouge, Silver, and the rest are confined to the post-millennium style of games. 

This extends to the comics as well. IDW continues to periodically publish one-shots or mini-series utilizing the Classic designs, drawing from the Genesis era and modern spin-offs like "Mania" and "Superstars." There's a definite separation between these stories and the on-going comic, much more entrenched in the current wave of games. (Though the comics still seem to exist in some weird extended grey zone between the events of "Sonic Forces" and "Sonic Frontiers," according to the nerds way too invested in continuity.) It will presumably remain this way until Sega says "fuck it" and let's Flynn sneak Bean into the main book or randomly drops Mighty into a PS5 title. From a commercial perspective, I suppose this makes sense. Golden oldies like me prefer the Classic style while those ten or twenty years younger than me have grown up with the newer stuff. It remains frustrating from a storytelling perspective, that the jerboa bounty hunter or super-strong armadillo ostensibly exists in the same world as Emo Sonic and Bat Tits but they'll never interact for some reason. 

By which I mean it's time for another Classic Sonic style anniversary one-shot. Thirty years ago, Knuckles the Echidna smashed his way into our lives, informing a whole generation of kids that egg laying, spiny "anteaters" exist in Australia. Happy birthday, Knuckles. You are middle-aged now. How's your back holding up? Characters like Tails and Amy feel like they've always existed, filling the stock roles of the sidekick and the love interest. Knuckles is the first time I can remember Sega treating the introduction of a new "Sonic" cast member as an event. He was both a friend and a foe, whose truces with Sonic always seemed to exist on unstable ground. That has changed a lot over the years and Sega has used much of the same marketing techniques every subsequent time they've debuted a new character. A slow path from enemy to ally, a mysterious past, so on and so forth. But Knuckles remains special to me, the first of Sonic's "friendly rivals" and probably my favorite of the franchise's Big Three. 

So how did IDW celebrate Knuckles existing for three decades? The story begins with the echidna. standing by his precious Master Emerald and thinking in very ego-centric terms about his success as a Guardian. This is when Angel Island passes over the Northstar Islands, otherwise known as the setting for "Sonic Superstars." Knuckles gets to thinking about Trip the Sungazer and how she's a guardian, much like him. He stops into the island and decides he's going to train the young lizard girl how to be tough and strong. That's when he discovers that he and Trip live very different lives: She has a community, a village, a family of critters like her and this has molded her into a very different type of guardian than himself. Conflict, of a sort, arises. 

Knuckles is a character of contradictions. He is both rather cunning and very gullible, a hardened warrior and a naïve kid, a punch-happy bruiser and an introspective loner. Ian Flynn's script for this one-shot digs right into these two-fold attributes. The story begins with Knuckles thinking rather gloriously about himself, bragging about his supposed victories in his memory. Later, it's brought up that the Guardian has actually made a lot of mistakes too, that each of those victories only occurred because he had help from his friends. By story's end, he's gone from being tough with Trip to treating her with a lot more empathy. In other words, the echidna gets an actual arc here, starting out believing something else and ending having learned a lesson. This plays into the idea of Knuckles as someone capable of abrasive bluntness that can also grow and learn humility and kindness. 

Sonic has almost always had a sidekick, Tails debuting early enough in the franchise's history that he's practically been there from the beginning. With Knuckles, Sega has always emphasized his status as the last echidna, a perpetual loner. The comics have attempted over the years to give him his own sidekick, usually in the form of Charmy Bee, but it's never stuck. It remains to be seen if IDW will run with this idea, much less if Sega will feel the need to incorporate it into their games, but this one-shot decides to pair Knuckles up with Trip the Stargazer. This thrusts Knux into a new role, that of a mentor to a young, inexperienced hero. That Trip is a little kid and prone to big emotions challenges Knuckles' punch-first-and-ask-questions-later attitude. He learns a lesson that we all have to learn at some point: True strength does not come from your muscles or how hard you can hit. Trip is strong in different ways from Knuckles, capable of things he is not. This forces Knuckles to consider that his ways are not always the best, that he has flaws too. In the final set of pages, Flynn employs the cliché of the Master becoming the student, the mentor learning something from his ward in the course of teaching them. It's earned though and makes for a nicely emotional resolution. 

Trip the Sungazer is still a recent addition to the "Sonic" lore. This is only her second appearance in a comic, outside of a cameo in the digital-only Fang story that was published to promote "Superstars," and her first appearance ever in the IDW universe. She's essentially a blank slate, this comic functioning as basically the first chance for the series to expand on her personality. Trip is clearly derivative of other "Sonic" characters. Her arc in "Superstars" was very similar to Knuckles' in "Sonic 3," as a guardian of a MacGuffin who is fooled by Eggman into fighting against Sonic. She's very feminine, much like Amy Rose, and also young and vulnerable, like Cream. It remains to be seen if Trip will be able to evolve into her own distinct character. Or if Sega will allow IDW to use her more. Either way, I found her to be really adorable here. She's clumsy and eager to please, with big glittery eyes and a tendency towards crying. I don't think Trip fills some essential role in the cast but I do like her. She makes a good impression here and I hope we see her more. 

Pairing Trip up with Knuckles is a good idea and their interactions provide the best parts of this comic. The two are similar but different in a lot of ways too. That Trip has a family, a community of folks like her, strikes the isolated Knuckles as a very meaningful change. He tries his tougher-than-leather routine on Trip but it only ends up making both of them look like fools. Generally speaking, I think the contrasts between these two and their situations simply makes for a meaningful, well realized story. We get many cute, minor interactions like Trip pointing out that it's hard for her to see in her armor. Or her grandfather telling her not to give into her self-doubts. The climax of the story is an emotional one, Knuckles admitting Trip that maybe he's not the best teacher. These two make for a smart pairing. If Trip becomes the Tails to Knuckles' Sonic, that would be a useful and interesting placement for her in the cast. 

While reviewing the IDW Annual for this year, I noted that the one-shots seem to be when the comic can focus on character-driven stories, outside the on-going plots of the main book. That is so very true of this story, which doesn't actually feature any major action at all. I kept waiting for Eggman to show up with an evil robot, for Knuckles and Trip to do some Badniks smashing together. That ends up not being necessary for the story to work, the script pulling tension and resolution simply from the two's relationship. The only editorially-mandated action scenes we get in this issue are in the training Knuckles and Trip undergo. That mostly results in largely comedic scenes of Knuckles trying to pummel the kid and getting his toes smashed by her extra hard armor. In the back half, we get a nice montage of the two running through some ancient ruins, which gives a chance to show off some of Trip's unique abilities and expands on her own lore too. I can't resist the charms of a good training montage, so I thoroughly enjoyed these moments. 

Obviously, being a fairly new addition to the cast, Trip still has the most expansion to undergo. The addition of her village, something we didn't see in the video games, and the idea that her armor is hundreds of years old ate decent ways to add more personality to her background. Ultimately though, this is Knuckles' story and he is central to my favorite scene here. The first few pages, that show Knuckles bragging about his past victories, seems to favor the modern, Flanderized take on the echidna, as a big strong idiot with an inflated sense of himself. However, later flashbacks show that Knuckles' stubbornness and commitment to his own duty is, in fact, a positive element of his personality. We see him showing Amy how to throw a boulder smashing blow. Or standing outside Tails' tent during a thunderstorm, keeping the kid safe. This presents the idea that Knuckles may be a bit of a blowhard, maybe kind of dumb, taking himself way too seriously... But that's part of his charm too. These attributes also mean he's protective, strong, and committed to his ethical beliefs. All good things to be! I like that better than playing his gullibility for laughs. (Though this issue does that too, in a self-deprecating manner.) 

It's a good story and it looks good too. Thomas Rothlisberger is back on pencilling duties. His Classic style artwork remains top-of-the-line. He emulates some of Tyson Hesse's quirks that have worked their way into the Classic games. Such as Knuckles making a goofy face when awkwardly hiding his past mistakes. Whenever Trip turns on the big puppy dog eyes, that is extremely well conveyed too. The action scenes aren't merely fluid and dynamic in their movement but the way these guys move also reflect on their personalities. We can see Knuckles' brashness in how he throws a punch, Trip's timidity in how she holds herself. Also, it's funny to see fans embracing the idea of Trip belonging to a town of people the same color and physiology as her... Ya know, the exact same thing Ken Penders did with Knuckles back in the day but everyone hates and derides now. I doubt this will set-up Trip having an elaborate and convoluted destiny of her own but my point is: A little more creativity could have been shown, perhaps, in the designs of the other Stargazers. But the art is aces. Nothing to complain about there.

Some impossible to please fans will probably bitch that this one-shot focuses on Trip nearly as much as it does Knuckles, betraying the promise made in the title and cover art. I'm fine with it though, as the bond he forms with her provides a new angle to explore the guy from. IDW has already announced that they intend to continue the tradition of 30th anniversary specials. Next year will supposedly see the publication of a Chaotix's 30th anniversary one-shot. I wonder if that will acknowledge Mighty, Heavy and Bomb were founding members of that team? Moreover, does this mean we can expect a Big the Cat 30th anniversary comic in five short years? And a Shadow or Rouge centric book two years after that? Good God, now I feel like I might crumble into dust. Anyway, this comic book is good. I enjoyed it and recommend it. Go out and buy a copy today! [7/10]

Sonic Live in Sydney

Sonic Live in Sydney 

Original Release Date: 1997

Nestled into an obscure corner of the United States as a child, I never physically encountered anyone as obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog as me. From time to time, I'd run into somebody familiar with the games or one of the cartoons or, perhaps, another human boy who had read one or two of the comics. However, a friend as absorbed in this world and characters as myself eluded me. This led to me being a very lonely child, without anyone to share my greatest passion with. That's why getting online and discovering the wider "Sonic" fandom later in the nineties was such a revelation to me. My God, they do exist. 

Something else that fascinated me as a boy was amusement parks. Growing up where I did, I never got to visit any of the iconic American theme parks. Disney World, Universal Studios, SeaWorld, Six Flags Magic Mountain: All out of reach. Instead, I had settled for local D.C. area attractions like Hersheypark – where you can enjoy all the chocolate and slave labor themed rides of your dreams – and Paramount King's Dominion, where you could visit Stan Mikita's Donuts from "Wayne's World." Maybe Busch's Gardens, if you could drive a little further and wanted to watch your Dad get wasted and puke his guts out on the Loch Ness Monster. To my youthful eyes, such humble attractions still filled me with wonder. To my little kid brain, a theme park devoted to a topic was a sure sign that it had saturated the cultural zeitgeist. Which wasn't wrong, I suppose, since theme parks are really expensive. Getting to walk around a whole world devoted to a niche topic was a dream come true. You could trick yourself into thinking Cinderella's Castle or King Kong were real and you somehow breached the membrane between dull, horrible reality and wondrous, fantastical fiction. 

The point I'm making is... If kid-me had known there was a "Sonic the Hedgehog" themed amusement park somewhere in the world, I would have started saving all my pennies right then and there. I doubt I could have found Sydney, Australia on the globe but hearing that it was home to a mythical SegaWorld would have put the city on the map far more than any fancy opera house could. Maybe it's for the best I didn't learn about SegaWorld Sydney until long after its closure. By all accounts, it was a pretty mediocre amusement park, which is likely why it died after less than four years. Despite that, I have become fascinated with Sega World Sydney post-mortem as maybe the most hubristic example of Sega's oversized ambitions in the nineties. Or maybe it's because Sega World was the only place on Earth – outside of some disreputable Discord servers – where Princess Sally was treated with as much reverence as she was in my brain.

Sega World Sydney didn't have any bitchin' roller coasters, elaborate stunt shows, or world-class dining. But you know what it did have? A "Sonic the Hedgehog" stage musical! As performed by actors in clunky mascot suits and, later, severely off-model animatronic puppets. Among the dozens of apathetic vacationers who visited Sega World Sydney, none of them ever thought to video tape either version of the stage show. Or, if they did, they've yet to share it on the internet. Actual video footage of these shows remain highly sought-after relics by lost media archivists and obsessive-compulsive "Sonic" hoarders. Until such a recording surfaces, the only evidence we have of this incredibly obscure corner of the "Sonic" universe actually existing are some very unflattering photos of those suits and puppets. 

Except I'm lying. There is more proof that actors were paid to sweat profusely within heavy fur suits every day for an audience of bored children and visibly irritated parents. Yes, a cast recording CD of the first version of "Sonic Live in Sydney" was sold in the park and we do have digitalization of the CD splashed all over the internet. While this particular topic truly stretches the definition of "visual media," seeing as how very little visuals of it still exist, I am including "Sonic Live in Sydney" in my review of miscellaneous "Sonic" media. Because how can I not write entirely too many words about a half-hour production in which Sonic, Sally, and Robotnik express themselves through the power of song and dance? Someone as fascinated with misbegotten extensions of popular media franchises simply couldn't resist. 

Let us get into it, shall we? What is the riveting plot of "Sonic Live in Sydney?" It begins with Sonic, Tails, and Princess Sally aboard what we can presume to be the Tornado. After engine troubles, the trio bail out and land in Australia. Despite seemingly arriving in this area by accident, the three have a reason for visiting the island continent. Robotnik, following a defeat back on Mobius, have set up shop in Sydney with the Chaos Emeralds in tow. He has build his new base on the Sydney Harbor Bridge. A haphazard scheme involving a boot and a freeze ray ends with Sally being kidnapped by the villain. Sonic and Tails work to rescue her, the doctor falls in love with the Princess, some Badniks are there, and it all ends with Sonic saving the bridge from being exploded between musical numbers and half-assed jokes. 

In 1999, with the release of the Dreamcast and "Sonic Adventure," Sega would attempt to reel in all the divergent localizations of the "Sonic" brand across the world and unite it under one vision, which more closely resembled the Japanese interpretation of the character and his world. It was a controversial decision and one I have mixed feelings about. However, "Sonic Live in Sydney" makes a good case for why such a global unification was necessary. The stage musical – or at least what we can gleam from it based on the audio recording – represents a bizarre fusion of the different "Sonic" continues at the time. Sally is there and references are made to the Freedom Fighters, suggesting "SatAM" was a primary influence. (Supposedly, the dining area in the park where the show was performed was also called Knothole Village.) At the same time, Robotnik's design and characterization is based on his less-scary "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" depiction. In fact, the show's tone is far closer to that cartoon than the Saturday morning series, including a moment when Sonic tricks the doctor by wearing an easily-seen-through disguise. Mobius is also mentioned, presented as a planet separate from Earth, while several elements more akin to the early games – Robotnik's generic army of robotic minions known as Badniks, who were formally harmless woodland animals – also appear. It's a bit like the earlier, goofier issues of the Archie Comics series but more disorganized and thrown together in terms of what it did and didn't include. For bonus confusion points, Knuckles is in the cover of the CD and was heavily featured in the park but isn't in this show, presumably because he wasn't a part of "SatAM" or "AoStH."

You could certainly make the case that such a fast-and-loose approach to continuity effected the quality of "Sonic" tie-in products. A lack of oversight gave the impression of a series without much care put into it, that wasn't exactly worried about quality. The best "Sonic" stuff from this decade – "SatAM," the better Archie issues – saw creative people putting their best effort forward anyway. However, examples like most of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" and the weaker Archie issues suggest much more that most people were not that concerned with making anything but easily digested slop for little kids. "Sonic Live in Sydney" definitely falls into the latter category. Truthfully, this might be one of the bigger examples of the creatives simply not giving a shit about what they were making. The plot for this half-hour, Chuck E. Cheese drama is nonsensical, often changing focus and introducing new elements with little pretense. The characters are simply sketched, their identities often changing in-between scenes, such as when Robotnik decides he's in love with Sally. Or in Tails' overall usefulness to the plot. (Sonic describes him as having "Heart," officially making Tails the Ma-Ti of this Planeteers squad.) 

And why would the crew behind such an ephemeral piece of entertainment put much effort into it? It's not like some overly serious dweeb is going to look back at it twenty-seven years later and try to write about it as if it was a serious piece of performance art, right? Nevertheless, trying to make sense of "Sonic Live in Sydney" is not always easy. Robotnik's freeze ray has a number of different properties that vary as the plot needs them too. How exactly the inhabitants got from Mobius to Australia, seemingly in an airplane, is never explained. For that matter, how do Sonic and the others have any knowledge of Australian culture? There's a pun in here about Ugg Boots, to show you how familiar they are with local culture. What exactly Robotnik's goal is changes several times, a love/sleeping potion is introduced haphazardly, and I swear that bomb blowing up the Harbor Bridge wasn't mentioned until the last minute. Also, Sally Acorn is called a marsupial but that's probably because they don't have chipmunks in Australia. I know, I know, this was designed to be watched by visitor stuffing their faces with overpriced pizza and dried out chicken fingers. Why bother putting any effort into it? I probably wouldn't have either. I'm just saying, you can tell.

The thing that always baffled me about shows like this, with a degree of audience participation, is... How exactly does that work? There are several scenes in this stage show where Sonic or someone calls out to the audience to answer a question or cheer or something. Mostly to shout about being in Australia or whatever. I'm sure the people halfway watching this always gave a very enthusiastic response. However, how exactly are the fictional characters aware of being observed? What do they see? What is the status of the Fourth Wall here? What does Dora observe when she talks to the kids in the other side of the TV? Does she, in-universe, have the ability to receive communications from people on another plane if existence? Or is it all performance? Make it make sense, damn it! I'm sorry that writing about this shit makes me sound schizophrenic sometimes. I guess that is an inevitable result of taking half-assed children's media waaaaaay too seriously. 

All of that aside... Is there any entertainment value to be had from "Sonic Live in Sydney?" Admittedly, this is an example of a piece of "Sonic" media so clearly thrown together that I can't help but be charmed a bit by its mere existence. Don't get me wrong, it's absolute garbage, as substantial as the cardboard plates and cups served in the same cafeteria. However, this thing is ultimately too weird for it not to be a little entertaining. As in "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," you can see the apathetic overhead leading to the writers and directors inserting brief moments that are inappropriate for the little kids. Namely, Sally slapping Robotnik and the villain proclaiming that he likes it. Did Robotnik just admit he's into masochism? In general, the premise of the tubby bad guy – there are a lot of fat jokes here – falling in love with Sally is bizarre. Maybe the writers assumed this must be a Bowser/Princess Peach scenario, where the antagonist has a crush on the good guy's girl. (Who is specifically described as being in love with Sonic, opposed to the more flirtatious relationship the characters usually have.) It's a bit weird is all. 

Then again, considering "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" was clearly the main inspiration for this take on Robotnik, we shouldn't be surprised he's a hopeless romantic and weirdly horny. We don't know the names of a lot of the people responsible for this thing. However, we do have a cast list. Adrian Payne was clearly emulating Long John Baldry, with a conceited and operatic take on the baddie. The result of the voice acting is not so committed. Someone named Tanya Bulmer plays Sally and her accent audibly changes throughout. Sometimes she sounds a bit like a Southern gal, taking that attribute from Bunnie. Other times, her voice is more posh while multiple times the actress' native Australian accent shines through. The same is true of Paula Arundell and Diane Adams, as Sonic and Tails, who often let their Straya slip out. I think Arundell is trying to do a Jaleel White impersonation and... It's energetic, if nothing else. Adams as Tails, however, adapts a shrill and nasally voice that is frankly incredibly annoying. 

But what about those songs, man? Isn't that why we're all here, to marvel at the utterly baffling existence of a "Sonic the Hedgehog" musical? (That isn't "Sonic Underground" anyway.) As you might anticipate, they aren't very good. Did you expect them to be good? "What Are We Waiting For?" is Sonic's big number, in which he rhymes "core" with "core." It's upbeat, I'll say that much. The backing track is strictly Casio-core, which is all the more obvious thanks to bits of the original games' scores being used. As for Robotnik's song, "Give Me Chaos," quickly becomes rather droning and monotonous. It's still better than Sally's big romantic number, "Thank You For Being You." If you watched any underachieving Disney rip-off from this same decade, you'll recognize this same sort of glurgey synth sparkle ballad shit. It's regrettable though not bad enough to be truly offensive, I guess. More generic than anything else.

Out of all the dumb, shitty things I've written about because of this blog, I suppose "Sonic Live in Sydney" is less painful than "The Fight for the Fox Box." It caused me less psychic damage than going through every episode of "Underground" and the songs are, marginally, better. Would I have loved it as a kid? Of course, I would have. Sonic was in it! God, if I had gotten a chance to see Sonic and Sally move around on-stage before my very eyes, five year old me would have vibrated into another dimension from sheer excitement. Would I look back on it with clenched teeth and embarrassment? Oooooh yeah. If a recording of this show emerges from the depths of the internet someday, will I willingly expose myself to it again? We already know the answer to that. It's terrible but, at the same time, "Sonic Live in Sydney" is another example of what weird shit could happen when marketers got ahold of a popular media I.P. Maybe I'll go and watch the "Coming Out of Their Shells" tour next and see if it's more or less painful than this. Well, hoo-roo, mates, this CD left me mad as a cut snake and belongs in the dunny. [4/10]

Wonderman Music Video

Wonderman Music Video 

Original Release Date: March 7th, 1994

When I first started Hedgehogs Can't Swim oh so many years ago, my high-minded aspirations and primary goal were to create a deep exploration of fandom, to figure out why so many people were so obsessed with a little blue hedgehog that ran fast. My secondary goal was to simply gawk at the weirdest fucking corners of this franchise. Maybe that's the reason why "Sonic" fascinates so many. Once you start digging down this rabbit hole, you never stop uncovering bizarre new treasures. Early on, I wanted to start a monthly feature entitled "Weird Sonic Things." The idea was to take a deep dive into the most random-ass content the blue hedgehog has found himself in. Topics ranged from Russian game shows to cameos in Arnold Schwarzenegger movies and strangely prevalent Christian themed fan art. I will hopefully still write about some of these topics eventually but the day-to-day work of writing regular updates has been hard enough for me to maintain that side-projects simply have never materialized. 

However, my latest quest to watch and write my way through miscellaneous visual "Sonic" media has finally brought me to something I've been wanting to talk about for years. One of the first topics I chose when assembling my list of Weird Sonic Things I wanted to talk about. Readers, I implore you... Do you know who Right Said Fred is?

If you are around the same age as me, the answer is almost unquestionably yes. Those born in that sweet spot to be old enough to pay attention to pop culture in the early nineties but not old enough to have real things to worry about will know this English vaguely-electronic pop trio was inescapable for a short while around 1991 and 1992. Not because they were a culture defining talent that had a string of iconic hit songs before their flame was snuffed out early from burning so brightly. No, Right Said Fred scored a stupid novelty hit that essentially became the Harlem Shake of the early nineties. "I'm Too Sexy," an obnoxiously self-aware ode to the preening narcissism of gym culture, was basically an internet meme before internet memes existed. In the pre-online days, dumb gags like this had much longer shelf lives which means the culture at large had plenty of chances to run the joke into the ground. It was referenced everywhere. Overwhelming ubiquity like that would drain the humor and appeal out of anything, no matter the quality. "I'm Too Sexy" does have an insanely catchy melody. Fred Fairbass' monotone vocals do have a weirdly hypnotic quality to them, further supported by the repetitive chant-like structure of the chorus. You could also make the case that Right Said Fred were pioneers, being openly queer performers during a less open time, making a monster hit out of a campy celebration of LGBT+ culture. 

On the other hand, the joke of "Teehee, some guys are really into themselves, yaknowhatImean?" is clever only so many times. The song itself is droning and repetitive, which was only intensified by how inescapable it was for so long. A lot of people also didn't get the joke, taking the song at face value and assuming it was an unironic ode to these bald, buff guys' egos. I suppose the point I'm making is, in isolation, "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred is a perfectly cromulent dumb pop song, worth a chuckle or two. As a widespread Song of the Summer super hit, however, the joke very quickly wore out its welcome. I was four in 1992 and I recall being bored of hearing this thing. 

Why am I talking about this? What does any of this dumbass shit have to do with Sonic the Hedgehog? Well, my friends, come closer and listen intently because now the fun truly starts. Here in the U.S., we had the good sense to dismiss Right Said Fred after one chart-topping hit. "I'm Too Sexy" had a powerful sway on people's imagination but the American public still recognized it as a stupid one-off joke, having no interest in learning any more about these muscly lads from London. In this country, Right Said Fred are the one hit wonder-iest of one hit wonders, never allowed anywhere near the Hot 100 after their sole fluke pop culture phenomena. In their home country, however, the record buying populace put up with these goofballs for a few more songs. "I'm Too Sexy" isn't even technically their biggest hit in the U.K., that honor belonging to whatever the hell this is. But, yes, there was indeed a valid attempt down England's way to make what amounted to a joke band into regular hitmakers. And what better way to extend the life span of one inexplicable pop culture fad then by tying it onto another weird thing that was, briefly, extremely popular around the same time? 

In England, the marketing for Sega's Mega-Drive leaned harder on edgy, juvenile posturing than the Genesis' ads did over here. Such as in the infamous masturbation themed Game Gear ads. While Sonic himself never cracked any jokes about playin' wit y'ur todger, the U.K. version of the hedgehog did carry that distinctly English brand of stiff-upper-lip attitude and campy humor. In the United States, associating a kid-brand like "Sonic" – designed to appeal to the playground version of coolness as much as possible – with the smirking, self-aware humor of the "I'm Too Sexy" guys would have been unthinkable. Sonic doesn't wear a shirt because he's too sexy for it. Sonic doesn't know what sex is! By 1994, when "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" was coming out, Right Said Fred would have been perceived by the hip youths as totally washed-up, clinically uncool has-beens anyway. We were all about the alternative nation and the gangsta rap by that point, baby! But in the U.K., a mash-up of these two nineties relics that had absolutely nothing to do with each other made, perhaps, a little more sense. At least to some galaxy-brained marketing execs. 

Which, finally, brings me to today's topic. If you haven't heard it before, prepare yourselves. May I introduce you to "Wonderman?" No, not everyone's eleventh favorite Avenger. I'm talking about the 1994 hot single from Right Said Fred, off their second album "Sex and Travel," that was chosen to be a promotional single for the U.K. release of "Sonic the Hedgehog 3." Wikipedia goes so far as to describe it as "a song about Sonic the Hedgehog." Really?! Let's investigate further...

First off, no, Wikipedia is lying to you. "Wonderman" is not about Sonic. At least, not the original version. This utterly forgotten dance ditty actually exists in at least two variations. The "Sex and Travel" version is not dissimilar to Right Said Fred's biggest hit. Instead of being an ironic ode to one's own sexiness, written from the perspective of a self-absorbed gym rat, "Wonderman" has the singer looking outward at somehow who actually lives up to such rhapsodizing praise. The titular entity is described as having "deltoids for days," a perfect tan and being at least six feet tall. Despite being "the naked treat in magazines," this Wonderman isn't only a slice of primo beefcake. He has striking eyes, a movie star smile. Moreover, his values match his perfect appearance. He's got new age beliefs, understands that sharing is caring, protects the Earth and opens his heart to black, white, and uh "yellow" humans. In other words, "Wonderman" is a song describing a perfect man, a Nietzschean ubermensch that is both a sculpted specimen and an upstanding individual ready to help the world. 

It's hard to say if Fairbass is describing this wonder man from a point of lust or aspiration, whether he wants to become him or come in him. Either way, these lyrics clearly do not describe our favorite little blue guy. Sonic does love the Earth but his deltoids are not exactly noteworthy. His tan is not appreciated. He's not six feet tall. (Though neither is Tom Cruise, also name-dropped in these lyrics.) I guess he technically is naked but I don't think Electronic Gaming Monthly was the magazine this song is talking about... I have no doubt that many a person feels Sega's mascot as insanely desirable. However, I doubt that was on the minds of Sega of England's marketing execs. Finding myself writing about another extremely obscure corner of pop culture, there are no sources anywhere for why this song was chosen to promote "Sonic 3." We can only speculate on how this came to be. 

If you listen to the album mix of the song, you can almost see the link. The jazzy trumpets that open the song, especially the cute swaying melody they do, do sound like something you'd hear on the Sega Genesis. While the Vogue-able dance beats are not all that Genesis-like, there is an occasional synth wiggle that sounds suitable. The single line about being "a friend of the Earth" certainly aligns with the early "Sonic" media's environmental subtext. However, one suspects that the song was simply chosen to associate the blast processing of the Mega-Drive's newest blockbuster with a source of wonderment and astonishment. Sonic's entire thing, at the time, was being cooler than cool. Perhaps this speedy little rodent could be your Wonderman, Right Said Fred? That's how I imagine it went away. 

As cheeky as the U.K. marketing for Sega products could get, someone obviously realized these lyrics were a little inappropriate for this chosen subject. Credit to the Fairbass bros, their engineers, producers, and everyone else, they completely reworked the song. The beat is a little faster. The jazzy trumpets are gone, replaced with ramping synth sparkles and edgier dance grooves. One assumes this was done to invoke Sonic's speed. Springy sproing noises are inserted throughout, clearly an attempt to bring the pinball-like action of the game to mind. The result makes the song sound more like a gay club dance track though, especially once a falsetto scatting that seems right out of a drag show is introduced in the back half. (Naturally, there is a five minute long version ideal for dance floor revelry, if anyone ever wanted to snort poppers while thinking about Sonic the Hedgehog...)

Most notably, however, is how the lyrics were totally reworked. I don't know if the Freds were simply told to incorporate some marketing buzz words into the new song or if they were genuinely enthusiastic about the subject. Either way, the single version of "Wonderman" rather obviously is about Sonic. The titular subject is "having a blast," as in blast processing. He's "hoggin' the limelight," har har. The lyrics specifically reference Sonic's power sneakers and spin attack, while referring to a sonic boom, attitude, hipness, the color blue, Speedy Gonzalez, and being state of the art. The singers clearly understood the assignment as it were, though comparing Sonic to "an itch you'll scratch again and again" and "Fay Wray's King Kong" – not Jessica Lang or Linda Miller's King Kong, we're talking the original here – I guess what I'm saying is that the song does, indeed, sell the shit out of this hedgehog... Despite the hook being more-or-less unchanged. You'd think, at some point in production, someone would've pointed out that Sonic isn't a Wonderman. He's a hedgehog! But I guess that didn't flow as well. I do like the refrain of comparing our hero to lightning and thunder that is added to the chorus.

As a song, I would rate either version of "Wonderman" as a passable pop ditty. The single mix is bouncier, I think, while the novelty of its topic certainly makes it more interesting than the album cut. The first time I heard "Wonderman," it didn't strike me as an especially inspired song. However, in the years since, the chorus has repeatedly worked its way into my brain at unexpected intervals. The repetition of the title and the showgirl glee the singers repeat it with certainly compel one to say the title to the melody of the song where you think about it. It is catchy, in other words, showing that Right Said Fred actually did have a talent for creating ear worms. Or at least two of them.

But you don't really care about the song, do you? No, no, if it's 1994, you understand as well as the next person that no track is going to become a hit without a music video. After all, it's my dedication to reviewing Sonic-related animation that I used as an excuse to ramble on about this fuckin' thing for two thousand words. Yes, Right Said Fred didn't merely record a song about Sonic the Hedgehog. They made a music video about him too! Let's take this masterpiece in together, shall we? 

Let's deconstruct what we've watched, shall we? Music videos are not beholden to storylines but the best ones at least have a premise of some sort. The "Wonderman" clip seems to frame itself as an interview show of some sort. Right Said Fred, playing the role of conceited and self-absorbed rock stars, are being interviewed when Steven O'Donnell – then the face of Sega of Europe's television commercials – insist it's time to interview a real big star. No, not the bald guys. The blue hedgehog! The rest of the video is set in an industrial water filtration plant, a sign informing us that this is supposedly Hydrocity Zone. The interviewer and his crew muck about, trying to catching up with Sonic while Right Said Fred prance about in fedoras and pinstripe suits, I guess coincidentally making a music video in the exact same location that night. There's other stuff, like the band's heads appearing in a blank void, a big cartoon skull flashing on screen, and plenty of random pyrotechnics. It's a nineties music video, don't think too hard about it. 

Hopefully I didn't disappoint anyone previously unfamiliar with this three minutes and forty seconds of campy joy by giving the impression that we would actually see Sonic the Hedgehog and the "I'm Too Sexy" guys jamming together. The hedgehog does appear in the video but it's via sped-up footage from the game and, yes, a blue streak speeding by. There are multiple point-of-view shots in the video from something zooming around the factory, a red graphical interface overtop the footage. It would seem this is meant to be from Sonic's perspective, making me wonder if director Paul Boyd thought he was a robot or something. Either way, our azure avenger is there. I suppose this was a somewhat clever solution around the obvious fact that a music video in 1995 didn't have the budget to portray flesh and blood humans interacting with a cartoon character. Zeroing in on how Sonic is often shot through winding chutes and tunnels, resulting in lots of footage of interconnecting pipes, was certainly an idea. Right Said Fred clearly didn't have a Michael Jackson budget here, so I'd say they made good use of the resources afforded to them. 

Funny enough, the video itself seems to acknowledge that the band singing this song was old-hat by 1994. The Fairbass brothers play themselves as clueless, drugged out rock wannabes with no substance at all. The video ends with O'Donnell burying a TV playing the interview in an open grave, referring to it as "very, very boring" right as the bald boys quote their most famous single. I don't know if this was an example of the band itself realizing their fifteen minutes were up and clowning around a bit. Or if the idea is simply to suggest that Sonic is much cooler, much more innovative, and far more interesting than the band we are watching being promoted. Though that's kind of funny too, since the "Sonic" franchise would hit the first of its many slumps not too many years after this. The saying is true: One day you're on top and, the next, you're loosing out to fucking Bug as the mascot for the Sega Saturn. 

I don't foresee Right Said Fred having a successful comeback and being the subject of a trilogy of blockbuster movies anytime soon though. "Wonderman" was not exactly a hit. It peaked at number 55 on the U.K. charts. The only other country it charted in was Belgium, where it at least got to number 50. Despite the mediocre chart performance, "Wonderman" was apparently successful enough to be included in the 27th edition of the Now That's What I Call Music compilation series. It appeared alongside such luminaries as Doop, Cappella, and Urban Cookie Collective. Yes, the Doop! Actually, "Wonderman" has the distinction of being one of the lowest charting songs to appear on a Now collection. Which is better than no distinction at all! It also shows up in the 1994 Disney movie, "Blank Check." I haven't seen that in probably thirty years but I think I'd remember if Sonic had a cameo too... 

Needless to say, singing about Sonic the Hedgehog did not raise the band's failing fortunes. The group has continued to put out songs in the years since, releasing seven albums after "Sex and Travel." They've yet to score another hit though, unless you count getting sampled by Taylor Swift and Drake. Most recently, the Fairbass boys have netted some further notoriety by participating in anti-masking and anti-lockdown protests during the COVID-19 pandemic. They are one of the faces of Not Our Future, an organization that Wikipedia describes as an "anti-climate change" activist group but whose website seems more interested in raging against the World Health Organization, "identity politics," and something they call "the Blob." What is it about being briefly successful pop singers in the nineties that turn people into weirdos in the modern day? 

Despite whatever questionable politics the band may promote now, "Wonderman" remains a bop. Having listen to the song and watched the video about a dozen times in the process of writing this, I can now proudly say that it's the second most Right Said Fred song I can name off the top of my head. Did I need to devote so many words to this topic? Haha, you fool, I don't need to do anything! Anyway, thanks for reading this stupid bullshit. I'll only write about other Sonic-adjacent music videos in the future if they are as funny as this one.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Amy's 30th Anniversary Special

Sonic the Hedgehog: Amy's 30th Anniversary Special

Publication Date: September 27th, 2023

The “Sonic the Hedgehog” titles must be a big hit for IDW, as they are continuing to make a habit out of releasing one-shots on a regular basis. They just announced another one last week! Among their most persistent series of one-shots have been the anniversary editions. Sonic's 30th anniversary in 2021 was a big deal for the whole franchise, IDW honoring it with one of their best comics in the entire series. They continued the trend last year, giving Tails an anniversary special too. Showing that this is clearly going to be a tradition until they are out of 30th anniversaries, 2023 has brought with it a 30th anniversary special for Amy Rose too. (The fact that Sega has a new retro-platformer coming out soon was, no doubt, another reason to greenlight this special.) I bet Flynn is already drafting the script for Knuckles' birthday one-shot for next year. 

Of course, when you compare Amy to Tails or Knuckles, you notice she's a very different character. Amy Rose is probably the most popular female character in the “Sonic” franchise now, essentially being the female face of the entire series. Yet she didn't even debut in one of the numbered sequels. Amy Rose first appeared in “Sonic CD,” a game a lot of fans probably didn't play when it was new because not many people had a Sega CD. Tails was appearing in the American “Sonic” comics and cartoons and Knuckles would soon acquire a massive following in the comics. Amy, meanwhile, wouldn't appear in an animated series until “Sonic X” and was only a minor supporting character in the Archie books for years. 

Despite being the closest thing Sonic had to a love interest in the video games at the time, Amy Rose didn't really become a detailed character until the Dreamcast era. “Modern” Amy was still a fashionable, very pink girl hedgehog but she also wielded a big-ass hammer, while having personality traits outside of endlessly pursuing Sonic and being a damsel-in-distress. The Piko Piko Hammer has become such an ingrained part of Amy's personality that Classic Amy – the subject of this one-shot – has retroactively been given it as well. While Modern Amy has flourished and become a beloved member of the series, Classic Amy has just sort of hung around.  The reinvention of the character has overshadowed the rather vague original version. 

How did Ian Flynn go about resolving this issue? Let's see. “Amy's 30th Anniversary Special” begins with the pink hedgehog throwing a little party for her animal friends, also giving them a reading from her divination cards. The cards warn of danger and, soon enough, Metal Sonic barges into the area. Joined by a little blue Flicky, and guided by her magic cards, Amy sets out to get the bottom of things. She discovered a series of Egg Capsules, freeing Nack Fang, Ray, and Bark along the way. They soon follow a shipment of fruit to an island fortress, where Eggman has captured all of Amy's friends in similar Egg Capsule. Metal Sonic is right on their trail though, leading to a big showdown. 

You know what my first thought was upon finishing reading this comic book? “Ian Flynn should write a “Strawberry Shortcake” or “Rainbow Brite” comic or something like that.” This issue really captures the feel of “girly” Saturday morning cartoon shows from the eighties and I mean that in the best way. This one-shot is unapologetically girly. Pink is the primary color on many of the pages. Amy is constantly surrounded by cute, little animals – who look like stuffed toys, really – and pretty flowers. After quickly assessing that Bark, usually an antagonist, isn't such a bad guy, she gives him a big hug. The issue ends with the heroes having a tea party! The visual design for this comic shoots is designed to appeal to the audience of “cutest little girl you can imagine in the early 90s.”

Again, I don't mean any of this as a criticism. I'm not the target audience for “She-Ra” or “Jem” or “Care Bears” or whatever. Yet it's impressive that this comic marries to this specific aesthetic so unerringly without letting it effect the story any. Despite Amy, and Classic Amy especially, being defined largely by her devotion to Sonic, that's only a little part of this comic. Instead, there are some decent stakes here. Amy's friends have been captured and, gosh darn it, she's going to free them. She's a young girl, with young girl problems, but that doesn't hinder her from overcoming the specific challenges this narrative presents. Flynn's script argues that Amy's girliness is not a defect but an asset. 

Honestly, I think the character arc Amy gets here is really cute. All throughout the story, she expects to find Sonic or Tails or someone really famous like that in the Egg Capsules. Instead, she gets Nack, Ray, and Bark. All throughout, she attributes the extraordinary characteristics her magic cards points towards to other people. In the end, it's pointed out that Amy is the one who accomplished all these things. Honestly, I think this is a good message to send to young people. Young girls, especially, undervalue their own abilities because our society is so fucking sexist. Amy learning her own strength, that even she denies, is a sweet little arc that fits the character and also makes for a compelling narrative. 

Aside from her infatuation with Sonic, Classic Amy has one other characteristic. At least, she does in theory anyway. The manual to “Sonic CD” mentioned that Amy was into Tarot and this is a factoid that was widely ignored for years. These days, all out of a desire to make the modern/classic divide more distinct, Classic Amy's Tarot fixation is focused on more. This issue, in particular, hammers the fortune telling thing really hard. It proves a decent way to keep the story moving and also allows Aaron Hammerstrom to design some really cute cards. It's still weird to me that Sega pretends Amy has always been into divination though.

Though Ian Flynn has told fans not to worry about the Classic/Modern divide anymore, it seems this mandate is still in place for the comics. Mighty, Ray, and the Hooligans have yet to appear in the modern-set stories. Another way you can tell these characters are still off-limits for the rest of the comics is that, any time IDW publishes a “Classic” title, they tend to show up. Yes, this issue gives a plum supporting role to Ray the Squirrel. Mighty, Bean, and the Weasel Formerly Known as Nack all put in some appearances. Ray gets some cute little moments to himself, playing up his youthful nativity. (It's still weird to me that Comic Ray doesn't have a stutter anymore.) 

Yet Bark the Bear proves to be the secret MVP here. Because, really, who is Bark the Bear? In the Archie comics – where the extremely obscure character of Bark has been more defined, versus his sole appearance in a largely forgotten video game from 27 years ago – he's also been this silent bruiser.  While Flynn has always written Bark as an antagonist, he's mostly just been muscle for hire. Not really a dedicated villain in his own right. It's been suggested before that Bark actually isn't a bad guy and this comic runs with that. Maybe it's just because Flynn has a limited number of characters to work with in this setting, so Bark got selected. Yet to see the big quiet bear prove he's more teddy than grizzly is a nice touch. 

You know what another element of cutesy eighties cartoon is? Bad-ass villains that are always humbled by the soft, adorable heroes. Even “boy” cartoons have this element, where extremely cool looking bad guys like Skeletor, Shredder, and Cobra Commander were repeatedly humiliated. This contrast was even more obvious in shows targeted at younger kids and girls. Seriously, look at this guy. Could be a mascot for a metal band, right? And he got his ass kicked every week by Teddy Ruxpin. Meanwhile, this demonic looking motherfucker regularly lost fights to the Little Ponies. 

What is the point I'm making her? It's practically a tradition that, the softer the cartoon looks, the more disproportionately bad-ass the antagonist looks... Who is then, despite that intimidating exterior, totally defeated over and over again. This also accurately describes Metal Sonic in this issue. He blasts in, tears shit up, frightens Amy into hiding, but never actually does anything productive. In the end, he's left defeated in a comical fashion. As an old man who has been watching cartoons my whole life, it warms my heart to see this nostalgic troupe upheld in a comic clearly paying tribute to that era. 

That the Classic Sonic aesthetic is so readily apparent always makes these anniversary specials a treat for the eyes. Aaron Hammerstrom provides the pencils here, as he did for the Tails Anniversary special. He does excellent work too. The characters are expressive and adorable, fitting within the Classic house style while also coming alive within these panels. This is especially important for characters who don't speak, like Bark and Metal Sonic. They seem as lively and well-characterized as the rest of the gang. Reggie Graham's colors are bright and soft, furthering the feeling of a vintage cartoon. 

I don't think the “Amy 30th Anniversary” special is as good as the “Tails” or “Sonic” anniversary one-shots. Those stories were more action-packed, with more adventurous pacing. Yet I think this comic book is pretty good too. As it's probably clear by now, Classic Amy is not a “Sonic” cast member I'm especially attached to. Yet this issue managed to make her endearing to me. While I don't think this will replaced the later versions of Amy as my preferred take on the pink hedgehog, the one-shot does argue for Classic Amy's place in the franchise's history. [7/10]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Tails' 30th Anniversary Special

Sonic the Hedgehog: Tails' 30th Anniversary Special 

Publication Date: November 16th, 2022

Just as Sonic had his 30th anniversary last year, 2022 brings with it a significant anniversary of its own. "Sonic the Hedgehog 2" came out in 1992, which was three whole decades ago now. While the second proper game in the series introduced a number of new elements – and is still regarded as one of the best "Sonic" game – the sequel made one contribution to Sega lore that outshines all others. It introduced Miles "Tails" Prower, Sonic's best bro, to the world. While the rest of the Sonic-sphere has largely devoted 2022 to the new movie and game, IDW decided that Tails needed a comic book to honor his own pearl anniversary. 

Now is as good a time as ever to reiterate a fact that probably should get me thrown out of the "Sonic" fandom. Tails is a beloved character among Sonic fans, considered one of the essential cast members even by people who dismiss all of Sonic's other friends. He is many fans' favorite character and is widely beloved far and wide. Yet here's the truth: I am, relatively speaking, indifferent to Tails. There have even been times, over the years, where I flat out didn't like Tails. I don't hate the two-tailed fox or anything. I've long accepted that he's a commonplace part of the franchise. When badly written he is, at worst, simply annoying and never offensive. But I've never been all that attached to the guy.

My general indifference to Tails probably boils down to when I became a fan of the series. I'm old, older than Sonic. When the franchise was in its infancy, Tails was simply Sonic's little buddy. He was there to learn moral lessons or be rescued when the plot necessitated it. He didn't really do anything cool on his own and sometimes even got in the way. Over the years, Tails would gain a more distinct personality that saw him become a genius inventor. Yet even this always struck me as a desperate attempt to give the fox some sort of personality outside of his hero worship for Sonic. Many times, I feel like modern "Sonic" media overcompensates for Tails' kid sidekick status by making him too hyper-competent. (This is most apparent in the older Archie comics, where Tails gained a grand destiny as a "chosen one" that didn't go anywhere for years.)

I guess what I'm saying is Tails had more growing pains over the years then Sonic – whose personal has remained relatively intact the whole time – has. Nevertheless, Sega saw his popularity and tried to capitalize on it... Sort of. The fox got two handheld games to his own, one of which wasn't even released in America for years. Since there's no "Sonic" game fans of this franchise won't dig into, "Tails' Sky Patrol" and "Tails' Adventure" are now relatively well known in the U.S. They are familiar enough that this special marks the second time a U.S. "Sonic" comic has unearthed villains from this overlooked Game Gear title for story material. 

In fact, "Flying Off the Rails" – the story that comprises pretty much all of this special – is a homage to two forgotten "Sonic" game. Tails' tale is set on Flicky Island, the setting for "Sonic 3D Blast." Sonic and Tails arrive on the island for a vacation and to catch up with the native flicky population. Instead, they find the tropical paradise strangely empty, with railways running everywhere. Tails quickly deduces that Witchcart and her minions are responsible. He's right, as the witch is capturing the birds in crystals to learn their secrets. After being overwhelmed in a four-on-one fight, Sonic is captured too. It's up to Tails to traverse the island's treacherous zones, rescues the Flickies, and defeat Witchcart and her goons. 

Another reason why, maybe, I've never loved Tails the way many do is because the characters has been stuck constantly repeating the same story arc for years. The fox is super talented but lacking in confidence, which is exacerbated by always being in Sonic's shadow. He has to learn to overcome his own insecurities and stand on his own as a hero, which he usually does without even realizing it. "Sonic Adventure" did this, the comics did this, "Sonic X" did this, even the movie did it a bit. People have been going back to this well with Tails for far too long now. 

"Flying Off the Rails" essentially does this again. The earlier pages has Sonic constantly leaving Tails in the dust, emphasizing that he's the kid sidekick and that maybe Sonic doesn't take him very seriously. By the end of this story, the little fox has undone Witchcart's entire scheme by himself and rescued Sonic. Sonic has so much faith in the boy that he lets him fly off and deliver the final blow himself, which really surprises Tails. That "Flying Off the Rails" does this exact same storyline again is a little baffling, since it's confirmed that these events take place after "Tails' Skypatrol." You'd think the little guy would be confident already after that!

Despite following the exact same Tails plot that seemingly every Tails story must follow, I still enjoyed "Flying Off the Rails." It actually does something kind of clever, that suits a special designed to celebrate Tails' thirty years with the series. Over the course of this comic, we see Miles evolve from Sonic's childish sidekick into an inventive tinkerer who improvises amazing, plot resolving technology out of what's lying around. He starts out feeling insecure around Sonic and ends this issue with a handful of accessories that handily defeat Witchcart. In other words: This issue tracks the way the two-tailed fox's personality and role in the series has shifted over the years. That's clever! 

Structurally speaking, this issue also has a deceptively simple script. Plot-wise, "Flying Off the Rails" feels a lot like a video game. Tails travels to the different regions of Flicky Island, all of which are very distinct from each other. In every area, he battles another one of Witchcart's henchmen. After he defeats each one, he gains a new piece of equipment that helps him defeat the final boss. He also frees Flickies from prison crystals at the conclusion of each section, furthering the feeling that this comic is adapted from a classic "Sonic" game. 

While this story structure is tedious on its surface, Ian Flynn includes enough variety here to keep things interesting. It helps that each "Sonic 3D Blast" stage– which, let's face it, most fans have probably forgotten the details of – all come with their own gimmicks. Smartly, Tails uses the environment to help defeat the Witchcarters in each area. The prevalent springs of Spring Stadium, the pitfalls of Rusty Ruins, and the industrial tubes of Gene Gadget all play their role in the bad guys' downfalls. To further make each encounter more novel, Tails has to devise different strategies to defeat each enemy, all of whom have their own style of attack. This highlights another difference between the fox and his idol. He can't brute-force it like Sonic would. He's got to outthink the opponent. 

And what of those opponents? While "Sonic" devotees are passionate enough that it's not unfair to call the otherwise forgotten bosses from "Tails' Skypatrol" "fan favorites" as they are, Witchcart and her eponymous goons were given a boost by their appearances in the post-reboot Archie comics. Those versions were redesigned – and at least one of them renamed – to fit the modern style of the series. Which means those takes on the gang are thoroughly off-limits now. Instead, IDW's iterations of the Witchcarters are taken directly from the Game Gear. Each one of these guys looks right out of a thirties cartoon, just the way Naoto Ohshima would've liked it. 

So let's meet the new-old versions of Witchcart, Bearranger, Carrotia, and Fuck-Wulf​ Hocke-Wulf. Since the Archie versions weren't established much, we might as well be meeting them for the first time. Flynn gives each goofy goon a distinct personality trait. Bearranger is excessively angry, peppering his speech with old-timey minced oaths, and prone to violent outbursts. Carrotia seems bored and impatient with everything, as signaled by her perpetually droopy eyelids. She's so apathetic that she is relieved when Tails defeats her, that she can now get back to doing nothing. I love her. In my head, she sounds Aubrey Plaza. Hocke-Wulf is the least well defined, functioning mostly as a sneaky villain type who enjoys bullying anyone smaller than him. But at least he's not another wacky, zany lunatic like his Archie counterpart was. (A distinctive, Muttley style chortle being the sole remaining element from that Bean-ified version of the guy.)

Witchcart’s lackies ultimately prove more memorable than the villainess herself. Befitting her fairy tale witch appearance, Flynn gives her the gimmick of speaking in rhyme. This is mildly annoying, an attitude Sonic and Tails share. Tails even calls her on her half-assed rhymes in one panel. Besides that, Witchcart is just a functional baddie going about her business. She doesn't even make her evil plan all that clear. She wants to unlock the secrets of the Flickies and expresses a desire "to rule," which is pretty vague. She also shares Eggman's love of building amusement parks based on her own image, if the fort she builds with her face is any indication. IDW's classic inspired Witchcart is a step down from Archie's Wendy Naugus, even if the other characters definitely got upgrades here. 

Despite the qualms I have with this issue, it's actually a lot of fun. A big part of that is the gorgeous artwork. Aaron Hammerstrom provides the pencils here and they commit fully to the Classic Sonic look. "Flying Off the Rails" often looks exactly like Genesis era "Sonic" box art come to life. This includes the colorful, very nineties pastels Hammerstrom often fills the backgrounds with. The characters perfectly fit the classic style but Hammerstrom doesn't use that as an excuse to make things less expressive. In fact, the little faces he has everyone make are often hilarious. Even the Flickies get adorably detailed facial expressions. The action scenes are great too, Hammerstrom somehow managing to make Tails look bad-ass in the final pages, when he has all his gear, despite the cutesy artwork. Great work. 

My only real issue with the "Tails 30th Anniversary Special" is that it foregoes a back-up story, in favor of a text article running us through the process of making the comic. I definitely would've preferred a second story, though considering how much "Sonic" content IDW is putting out right now, it's not a big loss. I'm all for behind-the-scenes insight but this article is clearly designed for young kids. It explains simple phrases like "thumbnails" or what a script is. The writing style is also heavy on the exclamation points, making the author seem a little overly enthusiastic. It is neat seeing the various stages of the artwork though. But the only really interesting nugget here is that Flynn needed special permission from Sega to bring the Witchcarters back. Special attention is drawn to Hammerstrom having to beef up the villains' designs, this also makes it sound like their appearance here might be a one-time only deal. 

Or maybe not, considering the Classic/Modern divide Sega has insisted on for years now might finally no longer be an issue. There's even a joke here about Sonic looking at Witchcract's rails and thinking he'll learn to balance on them someday. If the recent past being an alternate universe conceit is truly done for, hopefully IDW can sneak the antagonists here or Mighty into the main book. As for "Tails 30th Anniversary Special," it's beautiful to look at and better written than it had to be, even if it didn't turn me into a Tails obsessive overnight. [7/10]