Sonic Underground, Episode 1.17: Head Games

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.17: Head Games

Original Air Date: September 21st, 1999

"Head Games" begins with Sonic indulging a sudden craving for chili dogs, despite his sister's insistence that they get on the road. The chili dog vendor, under the instructions of Queen Alena, slips Sonic a coconut. Written on the dry and fibrous drupe is a message to head to Speedster Island. There, the native tribe is starving because there's no fish to capture anymore. Sleet, Dingo, and Bartleby arrive with the proposition to buy the island and turn it into a resort. (An obvious trick.) Mantu, the chief's son, prayers to the island's hedgehog-shaped idols to save them... Which is when Sonic and his siblings arrive. 

"Head Games" deserves some points for almost being a compelling depiction of colonialism. Robotnik is responsible for the native's food source drying up. (He's described as "scaring off" the fish, instead of just killing them via pollution.) He sends in envoys to buy up the land for cheap, building resorts there that will be worth far more than the initial bid. The native tribes will be displaced but are promised jobs... When the plan is to actually roboticize them as soon as possible. It's a familiar story – not dissimilar to the one of the Americas – but one that we must always be reminded of. 

Yet any subversive, anticolonial quality that might've been gleamed from "Head Games" is tarnished by its not exactly flattering portrayal of indigenous people. Mantu and his tribe wear colorful mumus and loin clothes, not dissimilar to Hawaiian culture. (A clear inspiration for the episode.) Yet they also have feathered headdresses, not unlike the stereotypical Wild West Indian. The idea of an island culture with big-headed stone idols is obviously meant to bring Easter Island and its world famous Moai monoliths to mind. Mantu, meanwhile, has a vaguely Jamaican sounding accent, obviously provided by a white actor. His dad is voiced by Garry Chalk's "Beast Wars" co-star, Blu Mankuna, who doesn't apply any specific accent to the character. 

It's an unspecific mishmash of different "primitive" cultures, which is definitely some shade of culturally insensitive. Yet even this isn't the most offensive part. We never learn much about Mantu's tribe or their culture, beyond the statues they pray to. All we really know about them is that they are destined to be saved by foreigners. Their entire religion, or at least all we know about it, is based around waiting to be saved by people from outside their own culture. While Sonic and his siblings are all voiced by a black guy, kind of dispelling any white savior undertones, they are also royalty born in distinctly European-style castles. This would be like the Prince of England showing up to save Native Americans from the white settlers, as prophesized by the Americans' own beliefs. It's, at best, extremely dumb and, at worst, racist in a way I'm too tired to really dig into right now. 

Not that I suspect writer Michael Edens was intentionally sneaking some weird message into this otherwise anticolonial story. As always, I'm reading way too much into a stupid children's cartoon that was quickly and cheaply produced without too much thought being put into it. So let's instead talk about how generally weird this episode is. It's low-key hilarious to me that even a common hot dog vendor is part of Queen Alena's secret network. So many people know what the Queen is doing, that I really don't know why Robotnik has had so much trouble finding her. Or her own kids, for that matter. She's literally right over Sonic's shoulder in this scene, directing instruction being sent to him just out of sight. If only he had turned around in that moment!

Something else that's weird: Considering Sonic, Sonia, and Manic were depicted as iconography by an obviously ancient culture, I'm just curious about how wide-spread and deep this prophecy goes. It seems literally the entire planet, including remote cultures, were waiting for these guys to come along. They even named their home Speedster Island. I know this is just because of dumb, shallow writing but, when examined for a minute, it gives the impression that Sonic is this universal legend on Mobius, with magical, mystical links to every culture on the planet. Their pendants are linked to the islanders' massive statues, buried in the ground after thousands of years... So can we assume that the Oracle and his cronies have been planning this shit for eons? This dumb plot point raises so many questions that this dumb cartoon is not prepared to answer.

The fact that I'm thinking so much about this suggests "Head Games" might be a little better than your average "Underground" episode. Maybe... But it still has lots of the typical terrible/uncomfortable shit you associate with this show. The episode opens with a shot of Sonic's grumbling tummy, leading to an extend sequence of him drooling over chili dogs, scarfing them down in graphic detail, and then burping in Sonia's face. I'm not saying this is a sex thing but I definitely didn't want to see that. There's also the typical shit of Dingo's flesh being twisted into horrible new forms, including a vine/boa constrictor monstrosity at the end. There's also a pretty funny scene where Sonia starts randomly doing somersaults while fighting SWATBots. That made me laugh. 

Of course, no discussion about "Sonic Underground" being weird and dumb can be complete without mentioning the music. Today's song is called "Take a Chance," which is not an ABBA cover but an embarrassing attempt at reggae music. (This includes the guy who provides Sonic's singing voice doing a bad accent.) It's a song about taking a chance on new experiences, which doesn't really relate to the episode's themes in any way. Yet this is not the most annoying thing about the song. It's placed early in the episode, after Sonic and the gang first meet Mantu. This is despite the episode's climax involving the royal triplets bringing the statues to life with the power of their rocking. Wouldn't that have been the more appropriate place for a big musical number? 

One baffling decision after another was made with this episode, which I guess is also true of the entire series. At least "Head Games" has some good ideas contained within it, which is more than I can say for a lot of these episodes. Also, I guess the title is a pun about the great big stone heads the statues have? Boy, they really didn't put any thought into this, did they? [5/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.13: Artifact

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.13: Artifact

Original Air Date: September 15th, 1999

If you thought previously installments of "Sonic Underground" had obvious and lazy titles, here Michael Edens just names the entire episode after a random word said a few times in the script. He could've called it "The Orb" or "Exploding the Past" or something like that. But, nope. Either DiC's schedule had the writers so rushed, or they were so hopelessly bereft of ideas, that the first word they thought of when conceiving the story is what the episode got called. 

"Artifact" is so named because it begins with Sonic, Sonia, and Manic having infiltrated an auction Robotnik is throwing. Robotnik is auctioning off what he claims are artifacts from the legendary city of Mobupinchu. In order to protect these priceless items, the triplets wreck the party and steal the doodads. They soon learn that the relics aren't from Mobupinchu but are, instead, unexplored ordinance from a long ago war. Unaware, Manic sells an orb to a shady dealer who then sells it back to Bartleby. The heroes have to reclaim the dangerous prop before it explodes, all while Sleet and Dingo are on their tails. Along the way, the real Mobupinchu is discovered. 

"Artifact" is another bad episode of "Sonic Underground" that didn't have to be bad. This plot actually has some potential for tension. The literal ticking bomb at the center of the story provides a time limit, a natural way to increase tensions. That our heroes are the only people who know how dangerous the item is could've further increased the suspense. Furthermore, they are being actively pursued by the baddies for most of the episode, as the guy Manic sold the orb to immediately rats them out. The confrontation in Bartleby's mansion is nearly a successful action sequence. 

Yet, as always, the show undermines its own potential. The bomb has a time limit of 12 hours, which is a little too long to generate much suspense. Also, far too many people are too stupid to realize the thing with counting-down numbers on it might be some type of explosive. It doesn't help that Bartleby – by far the most annoying character in a show full of annoying characters – is the person in danger for most of the run time. The plot circling back to the real Mobupinchu at the end doesn't make a lot of sense. Mostly, there's a lot of dumb humor involving Sleet and Dingo, who is forcibly transformed into the orb at the end. 

Like many episodes of "Sonic Underground," this one has a heavy-handed moral message. At first, I thought the show was going to be about the dangers of unexploded land mines. That was a real concern in some parts of the world following the end of the Cold War, even prompting a "Batman" comic on the topic. But the real focus here is on greed and the exploitation of ancient cultures. Or, at least, that's the moral the episodes wants you to think about. The execution is so half-assed. Robotnik forces his party guests at the beginning to bid on the artifacts – oh, those poor rich people! – and the real Mobupinchu is never actually threatened. Robotnik doesn't even know where it is. Bartleby is a greedy snob but collecting art is not the same thing as corporate exploitation of indigenous lands. It's a confused message that clearly nobody thought about for more than a few minutes. 

As the show usually does, the episode attempts to sum up this blurry theme with its song. The musical number is bluntly entitled "You Can't Own Everything," a phrase that also makes up most of its lyrics. Sonic and the band launch into this song when the bomb is about to go off, which seems like a really bad time to be singing. The song is a quasi-heavy metal number and it's not entirely terrible. Screaming guitars is one of the few things this show's musical team did okay. The lyrics suck and the singing is dreadful but the music's not too bad. The destruction of indigenous culture is a topic worthy of a heavy metal song but a more inside-out approach – focused, ya know, on the killing and destruction and all that – probably would've fit the genre better. 

But there are more pressing concerns this episode raises in my mind. Namely: Why did Sonia ever like Bartleby? In previous episodes, she's been shown swooning over this guy. Even though he's always been depicted as a snobbish fop worthy of mockery. Sonia actually does get disgusted at Bartleby in this episode, suggesting she's officially sick of his bullshit. That still doesn't change that she was seriously crushed on him in the past. "Sonic Underground" depicts Mobius' ruling class as so conceited that they don't even notice the waiters at the auction are the planet's most wanted fugitives. Sonic and Manic aren't even wearing hats! Yet Sonia was once part of this crowd too and she still hasn't had much character development since then. I'm sure there will be future episodes where Sonia is fawning over her asshole ex-boyfriend again. An inevitable side effect of having a bunch of random dudes write for the same show.

Another inconsistency across "Underground," and something that specifically keeps this episode from being tense, is the effectiveness of the SWATBots. In no iteration of "Sonic" are Robotnik's mechanical goons much of a threat. Yet the "Underground" SWATBots have gotten increasingly more ineffective as the show has gone on. Here, Sonic explodes two of them with some thrown plates. Later, he runs between two bots, who gently tap each other while reaching for him and then explode. At one point, seemingly just zooming around some SWATBots is enough to make them combust. No wonder Robotnik is running phony auctions to raise funds to build more. These guys have the structural integrity of a used Ford Pinto. 

This episode is about as good as I'd expect from one flatly named after the type of MacGuffin it's built around. Perhaps this might've been half decent if "Sonic Underground" wasn't the show it was. But "Sonic Underground" was "Sonic Underground," a circular but self-evident piece of logic I'm choosing to end this review with. [5/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.09: The Last Resort

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.09: The Last Resort

Original Air Date: September 9th, 1999

When I was reviewing my way through "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" not too long ago, I noted that three of the "Sonic" cartoons – "AoStH," "Underground" and "Sonic X's" English dub – had episodes entitled "The Last Resort." The prophecy is fulfilled, at least partially. It's absolutely a coincidence that the title would be reused, as the pun was just irresistible, I guess. But it is interesting that this episode and the "AoStH" have two minor elements in common: A premise of a vacation resort not being all it appears and a newly introduced supporting character who wears "cool" sunglasses.

The episode begins with Sonic and his siblings looking for the "Royalcy" of Mobius. I have no idea what the fuck that means either – a Google search only points towards a hip-hop artist – but it's apparently a big vault. And it doesn't matter cause it's just a trap set by Sleet and Dingo. While on the run, the triplets come upon a seemingly unspoiled valley. A guy named Stripes runs the place and describes it as a vacation resort, untouched by Robotnik. Sonic is suspicious but Sonia, smitten with Stripes, wants to stay. Stripes is reporting to Robotnik but he's reluctant to rat out the triplets. Soon, after the villagers discover the new guests are part of the Resistance, he has to confront his feelings.

We're only eleven episodes into this retrospective and "Sonic Underground" is already starting to repeat itself. "The Last Resort" touches on ideas that were present in "Mobodoon" and "Tangled Webs." As in the former, it concerns an idyllic village that is still stuck in the royal days of Mobius, Robotnik seemingly having passed it by. As in "Tangled Webs," it concerns an otherwise good person being forced to work with Robotnik. The executions are different enough, I guess, that it's okay the show revisited these ideas... Though maybe whoever made these decisions still should've saved "The Last Resort" a little later in "Underground's" run.

Regardless, "The Last Resort" is a little better than those other episodes. Unlike in "Mobodoon," the village that seems too good to be true actually is. And Stripes' dilemma is more complicated than Cyrus', as he's not just being blackmailed. Stripes believes that resisting Robotnik's tyranny makes the dictator's actions worst. That the Resistance is just exacerbating an already bad situation by fighting back. The villagers feel the same way and actively pester Manic after he reveals he's a freedom fighter. (Seemingly exploring an idea I was hoping to see in "The Deepest Fear.") This does seem realistic, that some people lay down for a fascists regime just because they think it's safer to obey.

"The Last Resort," most surprisingly, even includes a relevant political message. After Stripes reports back to Robotnik that two of the triplets are in the village – hoping to protect Sonia – the military forces still sweep through the town. Stripes is still about to be Roboticized before he's rescued. Having learn that fascists only protect other fascists, the town folks fight back and join the Resistance. They're still sort of assholes but at least they come around before the end. Considering this show just did an episode about how rich people shouldn't pay taxes and homeless children are terrible, I'm surprised to see a moral like this that actually makes sense.

Once again, calling an episode of "Sonic Underground" good comes with a great big asterisk. The dumbest thing about this one is Sonia and Stripes' relationship. The two immediately hit it off, seemingly just because Stripes' village allows Sonia some much missed luxuries. When she learns that Stripes is pro-fascist, as long as it doesn't affect him, Sonia has a dilemma. She launches into a (terrible, of course) song about how conflicted she feels, how she's pulled between her love of freedom and her feelings for Stripes... Ya know, this guy she just met a few hours ago and is only attracted to because he's charming and gives her access to a bubble bath.

That's just the way it is with this show. Even the episodes with some half-interesting ideas still have shallow writing and a fucking dreadful song. (This one is a calypso number, for some fucking reason, and tries to rhyme "road" with "known.") And incredibly awkward animation too. A sequence where Sonic is playing tennis with himself is hideously framed and ends with Sonic speeding off as a disembodied head. There are several scene transitions which begin by zooming into Sonic's pupil, which is so weird looking. Like every character on this show, Stripes has a terrible design. The human style hair atop his feline looks so fucking awkward. His overdone outfit includes a cape, a vest, a tunic, red spandex, and sunglasses. Are you Renn Fair or Malibu beach, fucker? Pick a century and stick with it.

Despite the overwhelming "Underground"-ness of it all, I still have to give "The Last Resort" the softest of recommendations. It actually grapples with the complexities of this series' conflict and adds more depth to its world. Sonic, Sonia, and Manic are still annoying static – Manic is still shoplifting – and everything is dumb and ugly. But at least some visible thought was put into this one. That counts for something. [6/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.07: The Deepest Fear

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.07: The Deepest Fear

Original Air Date: September 7th, 1993

Despite the name of this blog, I don't take the idea of Sonic being unable to swim very seriously. Lots of media depict him as having no trouble with water. Considering how strong his legs are from all that running, it doesn't even make sense that Sonic can't swim. Yet, because Yuji Naka was operating under the mistaken belief that real hedgehogs really can't swim, that is Sega's official statement on the matter. In the games, Sonic just sinks to the bottom when stepping into water. (Presumably because drowning made an innovative hazard and programming a swimming action would've been really hard.) Most "Sonic" media doesn't comment on this but "Underground" exaggerated the hedgehog's inability to swim into full-on hydrophobia. That fear took center stage in "The Deepest Fear."

The royal triplets hear their mother may be hanging around Port Mobius, a port town. This is a problem for Sonic, who has a deep rooted fear of the water. When they arrive, they discover that the entire town is faithful to Robotnik. That's because the residents of Port Mobius live in fear of a sea monster called Moby Deep, who has been sinking their ships, and Robotnik promises to protect them. Pursued by Sleet and Dingo, the trio meet up with Captain Squeegee, captain of a cruise ship. Squeegee hopes to hunt down Moby Deep and stop it. Sonic soon discovers that the real Moby Deep is docile and that a Robotnik submarine shaped like the monster is responsible for the sinkings. In the process, he faces his fear. 

Once again, the promise of meeting their mom is just the shallowest excuse to send the hedgehogs on an unrelated adventure. (Turns out Queen Alena is the name of the fucking ship, that hoary cliche.) The whole sea monster premise/"20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" homage really is the least interesting idea here. More intriguing is the idea of a town that actually likes Robotnik. It makes sense. As we all know, fascists always have their true believers. Showing how dictators play on the public's fears to stay in power is a great idea this cartoon would never explore. But throwing Sonic, Sonia, and Manic into a place where they aren't welcome would've, at least, been a decent set-up for an episode. Alas, Port Mobius is left behind soon after it's introduced and the focus turns towards the seafaring business. 

Like most "Underground" episode, this one has a ham-fisted moral. Sonic's fear of water has been referenced since the second episode, so I guess it was inevitable a whole story would be built around it. At first, his fear is so serious that he has elaborate nightmares about it and even gets nervous when crossing a small bridge. Yet, later, the hedgehog has no problem leaping around the ocean or utilizing an improvised jet ski. So which is it, "Sonic Underground?" Is Sonic deathfully afraid of water or can he shake it off? 

When Sonic meets Moby Deep, he turns out to be not-so-bad. The beast isn't the tentacled Kraken-like entity Sonic imagines in his dream. Moby Deep is just a big whale. Contrary to the legend, he's actually afraid of boats. To emphasize this point, Garry Chalk takes a break from voicing Robotnik to give Moby an Eeyore-like voice. Obviously, the idea here is that Sonic's fear isn't so bad once he faces it head-on. But, as I'm sure you've noticed, something about this metaphor doesn't really connect. Sonic's fear of Moby Deep was just an extension of his hydrophobia, which he never really addresses. At the end, there's even a line suggesting Sonic only might've overcome his phobia. (Presumably in case future writers wanted to abuse that character trait more.) The moral is horribly half-assed, is my point. 

There I go actually examining the show on a thematic level. How silly of me to assume the story would be good or the cast would be treated with respect. Let's talk about more pragmatic matters, like how ugly the character designs are. Everyone in "Sonic Underground" looks gross or weird. The residents of Port Mobius are more of the hideous alien slug creatures that make up this show's background characters. Dingo has his body morphed into several mundane objects – a sheet, a door, a buoy – in typically uncomfortable fashion. Yet Captain Squeegee really is next level, as far as unappealing visuals go. He's a literal sponge, his body covered with holes and jutting out at awkward angles. His eyes float on little stalks, at the side of his face. He absorbs water, his body expanding, which has to be one of the grosser superpowers I’ve seen recently. Even that name, Captain Squeegee, lingers on the tongue in the most unpleasant way. He might be the ugliest character on a show full of hideous designs. 

There was about three minutes left in this episode before I realized “Oh wait, there hasn’t been a song yet.” I naively hoped we might actually get through a full half-hour without an embarrassing musical number. No such luck. Befitting the setting, the "Sonic Underground" song writers tried their hands at a sea shanty. "Face Your Fears" is, predictably, dreadful. But not for the reasons you expect. I'm sure the lyrics are terrible but I couldn't hear them over the atrocious production. The jangly, obnoxious music drowns everything out. The attempt to approximate a sea shanty is an annoyingly ramshackle melody. It's bad though I'm not sure it's as bad as some of the other songs, simply because it's so poorly mixed it doesn't even register as music. 

I'll give "The Deepest Fear" this much: It's bad in a way that's kind of funny. When a shot of Sonic racing up a lighthouse's spiral staircase is simply reversed, to show him running back down it, I laughed. Captain Squeegee's whole existence or shit like the Ahab-inspired opening nightmare are so bizarre as to become entertaining. That's more than most episodes of this show have thus far accomplished. Unintentional entertainment value is better than no entertainment value at all. [5/10]