Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.51: Prehistoric Sonic

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.51: Prehistoric Sonic

Original Air Date: October 29th, 1993

Here we are at the final part of the Quest for the Chaos Emeralds saga. While I'm not sure I saw much of this storyline as a kid, I can definitely recall seeing the grand finale. As I've said in the past, even as a little kid, I was somewhat dismissive of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog." I watched it and liked it but that's because Sonic was in it. I was a pretentious child, so obviously I preferred the serious storytelling of "SatAM." But "Prehistoric Sonic" made an impression on me and, at the time, I remember wishing more "Sonic" media had this kind of scope and ingenuity. (Though I didn't verbalize like that, on account of being five.)

So let's summarize this bitch: Sonic and Tails are back on the beach, where a quartet of literal bikini beach bunnies are using Sonic as a volleyball. (Weird kink, Sonic, but okay.) Dr. Caninestein appears with his latest time machine modification –  its a skateboard now –  and tells Sonic to go back to prehistoric days. That's where the Chaos Emerald of Life is located. Robotnik, having escaped the last trap Sonic stuck him in, arrives at the same time. After the required fight with dinosaurs and appeasing a volcano god, Robotnik successfully retrieves the stone. With the power to bring anything to life, he defeats Sonic long enough to get a head start. Heading back through time, Robotnik gathers the other three Emeralds. In the present, he unites the stones and becomes a god-like entity. While their enemy is seemingly unstoppable, Sonic and Tails devises a clever plan to even the playing field a little. 

In the final part of Quest for the Chaos Emeralds, "AoStH" achieves something I never would've thought possible: It becomes genuinely kind of epic. After uniting the stones, Robotnik becomes a disturbingly buff giant with freakish fingernails, a previously unnoted benefit of combining the Emeralds. He immediately has all of Mobius worshipping him as a god and tosses Sonic and Tails back to the beginning of time. Only Sonic and Tails retrieving past versions of themselves, forming a ten strong super team, is enough to defeat him. If you don't worry about the logic of this or the paradoxes it causes –  the various Sonics touch each other in a huddle, so I guess the "Timecop" rules don't apply here –  that's pretty badass. I never would've guessed a show that's usually dumb and lazy could conjure up a comic book spectacle like of this level. Considering "SatAM" used its own time travel arc just to explore its own backstory, I'm not sure any other "Sonic" cartoon could've pulled off a plot of this scope. 

In fact, several moments throughout "Prehistoric Sonic" feel so serious, I almost can't believe it. Robotnik has to sacrifice something of value to a volcano god in order to earn the Soul Stone Chaos Emerald of Life. (This is not a steal from Marvel, as the comic book Soul Stone has a way more convoluted origin than what they did in the movie. So who ripped off who is the question, I guess.) He viciously tosses in Scratch and Grounder without a moment's thought. After creating some magma men to fight Sonic, Robotnik even says the word "kill!" Later, while grabbing the Emerald of Invincibility, Scratch and Grounder physically threaten Gwendolyn with death. How is this the same show that did a whole episode about hot dog people? 

As serious as "Prehistoric Sonic" gets, the show's trademark goofiness is still present. Writer Jeffrey Scott casually breaks the rules he previously established. Robotnik does not need to be king to use the Invincibility Emerald, as he just snatches it off Arfur and uses it freely. Robotnikhotep does not crumble into dust after Robotnik takes the Immortality Emerald, allowing Sonic to unravel the mummy. Enemies do not collapse against the High Supreme Robotnik when physically attacking him, as they previously did. (Then again, considering Robotnik's not wearing Arfur's crown, maybe the invincibility stone isn't working correctly. But I'm not giving this show that much credit.) And Sonic can just do whatever the fuck he wants. After Robotnik throws him and Tails into the volcano, spin-dashes upward through the air, as if flying. How can he do that? Because "Fuck you, physics!" But I don't know why Sonic and Tails were worried about the lava, as Scratch and Grounder later crawl out of the volcano, unharmed. 

I am, of course, thinking about it way too hard. In fact, "AoStH's" complete disregard of logic and reason works in its favor this time. Upon arriving in prehistoric days, Robotnik and his gang encounter dinosaurs. Because dinosaurs are awesome. Robotnik then uses his Robo-Transmogrifier to turn a T-Rex and a pterodactyl into robots. Because robot dinosaurs are the only thing awesome-er than regular dinosaurs. Sonic later rides upon the Robo-Rex's back, spinning him into a giant, Sonic-style Buzzsaw. Sure, it doesn't make sense but who cares? The Rule of Cool wins here. I love the idea that anything Sonic touches instantly gets Sonic-like properties. Other touches in the episode also amuse. Such as a clan of caveman teddy bears - cave bears, if you will - or the Big Bang being triggered by an enormous stick of dynamite. This show really should have used its elastic cartoon logic for outrageous over-the-top fun like this more often.

You'll notice that the above is a lot to squeeze into twenty-one minutes. And it is. By the time the gang of Sonics and Tailses arrive in the present, there's only a few minutes left to whoop the Supreme High Robotnik's supreme high ass. After the other Sonics promise to return the Chaos Emeralds to their prior owners, and destroy the time machine afterwards, the episode abruptly ends. We need time for the Sonic Sez segment on electrical safety, after all. The fact that Scott could've squeeze all that plot into one episode is pretty impressive actually. But I wish DiC or Bohbot or whoever could've allowed one more episode for this story arc, to really give the climax the proper amount of time it needs. Any story where normal heroes defeat a god-like opponent unavoidably ends up feeling a little anticlimactic. But this showdown definitely would've benefited from a little more breathing room. 

It's also interesting that, out of all the superpowers the show could've assigned the final Chaos Emerald, that they went with the Power of Life. Unassisted time travel or reality warping abilities probably would've made more sense. Yet would those powers be as attractive to Robotnik? Throughout this show, and really in every incarnation, Robotnik is obsessed with creating life. He wants to make robots that are better than flesh-and-bone creatures. This is part of his desire to recreate the world in his tyrannical vision, to make everything loyal to him. (And, in "AoStH," absolutely stems from the lack-of-control he felt during his abusive childhood.) The ability to turn literally anything into a living, breathing weapon or slave is perhaps his ultimate desire. And this is why he hates Sonic, whose naturally chaotic nature makes him unwilling to obey rules, so much. But for one brief moment, Robotnik achieves that goal, of being a god-like entity capable of absolute rule, that can bend anyone or anything to his twisted will.

I'm certain Jeffrey Scott or anybody else working on "AoStH" didn't think it through that much. "Prehistoric Sonic," epic as it is, is still undeniably sloppy. Yet I still admire the show for pulling this off at all. I'm not done watching the show yet but I'm certain this will be "AoStH" high-point. When Ian Flynn was cannibalizing this show for the comic's reboot, I really wish he could've pulled ideas from this story arc. Comics is where a story of this ambition and scope truly could've flourished. As it stands now, "Prehistoric Sonic" is a highly entertaining and shockingly ambitious climax to a highly uneven four-parter. [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.50: Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.50: Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme

Original Air Date: October 28, 1993

In case you were wondering how much my younger self fit the socially withdrawn nerd stereotype, I too was an Egypt kid. While it never burned as bright as many of my other fixations and fascinations, I always thought ancient Egyptian culture and mythology was pretty cool and spent a lot of time reading about it as a kid. I may or may not have even kept an ankh keychain on my backpack in fifth grade. Regardless of what this says about my social standing among my peers, I think lots of kids go through an Egypt phase. Which may be why the third episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog's" Quest for the Chaos Emeralds arc was set in ancient Egypt... Sort of. 

In a surprising bit of continuity, this episode begins right where the last one left off: Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder dropped into a Roman coliseum while still locked in their medieval stocks. They escape quickly, jump in the time machine, and head back to ancient Mobigypt. There, Robotnik attempts to interrupt Sonic's ancestor, Masonic the humble bricklayer, from falling in love with a female hedgehog named Penelope. His very existence threatened, Sonic goes back in time with Dr. Caninestein's new time traveling boogie board. Once insuring that his great^x100 grandfather scores, Sonic gets down to the business of stopping Robotnik from retrieving the Chaos Emerald of Immortality. 

This is why I said this episode was sort of set in ancient Egypt. Much like the King Arthur episode, "AoStH" presents a goofy, Sonic-ified funny animal version of our Earthly past. (Humans and animal people do not seem to have integrated at this point in Mobius history, as Robotnik and his ancestors are the only people present.) Aside from the trappings of pyramids, mummies, and eyeliner, there's no attempt to blend actual Egyptian history into Sonic's world. Sonic's ancestor being named "Masonic" is a cute pun but off by a couple hundred years. While Scratch later dresses as the properly Egyptian Horus, Grounder is dressed like a Lamassu, a creature from Sumerian mythology. There's a gag about a flying carpet, which is an Arabian thing. At one point, Robotnik's chariot spouts spikes from its wheels, a "Ben-Hur" reference. "Ben-Hur," by the way, is set around the crucifixion of Christ, about a thousand years after ancient Egypt as we think of it. Masonic and Penelope – a Greek name – get married in a very Christian-like ceremony. Not that I'd expect accuracy from this show – chili dog stands also existed in ancient Mobigypt – but writer Jeffrey Scott really didn't do his research. 

I will give Scott credit for introducing the Grandfather Paradox into this dumbass kids show. At the episode's beginning, Caninestein warns Sonic that his ancestors are disappearing, Marty McFly-style. After Sonic goes back in time, he accidentally cockblocks his great^x100 grandfather and briefly fades out of existence. Which is a pretty wild theoretical concept for Scott to introduce to kids. The show kind of looks like it might be going down the "Futurama" route, since Sonic sets his eyes on Penelope first and he looks almost identical to Masonic. (Jaleel White voices both, only pitching his voice up slightly for Masonic.) That probably would've blown the kids' minds too much, so Scott is satisfied playing with events in the past affecting events in the future. 

If the idea of Sonic's ancestors absolutely having to get together to ensure the future is safe gives you predeterminism vibes, we're not done yet. While dropped into Ancient Rome, Robotnik encounters his identical ancestor, Julius Robotnik. (Who, in a good gag, is also a huge asshole.) Obviously, Masonic and Sonic are almost indistinguishable. The tomb of Robotnikhotep not only contains Robotnik's mummified ancestor but a mummified counterpart for Sonic too. The final gag of the episode reveals a blue hedgehog fought in a World War I-like setting as well. Is the entirety of Mobius history made up of mustachioed, rotund men and fast blue hedgehogs fighting? Was Julius Robotnik dethroned by a rebelling slave named Sonicacus? Is Sonic and Robotnik's rivalry simply the latest chapter of a conflict that has been playing out for thousands of years? All signs seem to point to "yes." Scott does not explore the ramifications of this reveal but it is certainly an interesting one. 

These are not the only far-out ideas "Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme" causally throws around. Previously, I stated two Chaos Emeralds having the power of Invincibility and Immortality seemed a little redundant. This episode depicts the immortal Robotnikhotep as physically impossible to harm, similar to the effects of the Invincibility Emerald. Yet he's also clarified as living forever, untouchable even to age, which seems to be the distinction. Interestingly enough, the episode also depicts immortality as a curse. Upon handing Robotnik the emerald, Robotnikhotep thanks him before crumbling into dust. The joke here seems to be that Robotnikhotep has spent entirely being pestered by the unnamed Sonic mummy, and is thus thankful for the escape of oblivion. But it's a pretty dark idea to introduce into a kids show, that death is good and living forever sucks. 

As if this episode wasn't random enough, Scott also chooses this setting to introduce more elements from the original "Sonic" game. The interior of Robotnikhotep's pyramid is patterned after "Sonic 1's" Marble Zone. Huge stone weights and giant spikes platforms fall from the ceilings of the pyramid's stone tunnels. At one point, Sonic and friends must push a stone block onto a river of lava and float atop it. (This further muddles the historical setting, as the Marble Zone was based on Greek architecture.) Later, Sonic's mummy lookalike gives him a magical blue shield to protect him against Robotnik, similar to the classic shield power-up. Lastly, there's even a moment where Scratch and Grounder have to grab gold rings... Is this, the fiftieth episode, the first time "AoStH" has referenced the Power Rings, that most iconic of classic "Sonic" elements? What took 'em so long?

Lastly, I must note that this episode is also pretty horny. After all, ensuring Sonic's ancestor gets laid is a prominent plot point. By now, it's clear that each of these episodes will start with Sonic trying to score some strange on the beach. While attempting to impress a Miss Possum lookalike in a bikini, Dr. Caninestein appears to distract Sonic, which the hedgehog is pretty pissed about. In Ancient Mobigypt, Scratch dresses in drag in an attempt to seduce Masonic. He even asks the hedgehog is he wants to "lay some bricks," an innuendo suggestive enough to get this scene cut from the Toon Disney reruns. And because this show can never be not-freaky, a minor character's feet is tickled with a feather and Robotnik and friends are later mummified. I swear, I'm not a pervert, this show is.

While it's hard to say if "Robotnik's Pyramid Scheme" is a funny episode or not, it's certainly too bizarre and interesting to be dismissed either. If nothing else, it's a big step-up from "The Hedgehog of the "Hound" Table." Will the Quest for the Chaos Emeralds conclude in a suitably epic/gonzo fashion? Hurry back soon to find out. [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.49: Hedgehog of the "Hound" Table

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.49: Hedgehog of the "Hound" Table

Original Air Date: October 27th, 1993

While I definitely remember watching parts of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog's" Quest for the Chaos Emeralds four-parter, I can't say I vividly recall watching each part. In fact, I can only remember seeing the final two installments specifically. After watching the second part, "Hedgehog of the "Hound" Table," I'm fairly certain I didn't see this one as a kid. Because I was one of those moody, overly serious children fascinated with Arthurian legend. (Owe this to my father letting me watch "Excalibur" when I was way too young.) In fact, I even combined my two childhood favorites. A long-running "Sonic" fan-comic/fiction I created as a kid – that I will definitely never show you – involved an O.C. being a descendent of King Arthur and carrying around Excalibur. If I had known there was an official piece of "Sonic" media crossing over these two characters, I probably would've been excited... And horribly disappointed, because this episode isn't very good. 

"Hedgehog of the "Hound" Table" begins with Robotnik successfully arriving in medieval Mobius, the location of the Chaos Emerald of Invincibility. He immediately tracks down MerLynx the Magician, the owner of the stone. While he's able to strongarm the wizard into giving him the rock immediately, the Emerald's effects only take hold if the user is king. Robotnik soon shakes down King Arfur, making himself king and truly invincible. Sonic arrives to ruin his day but an unkillable Robotnik with magic on his side turns out to be a greater threat than our speedy hedgehog hero expected. 

Perhaps unsurprisingly, "Hedgehog of the "Hound" Table" is not an especially inspired or faithful take on the King Arthur story. In fact, it has pretty much nothing to do with the classic tale. Arfur – that's a pun but I thought everyone was just mispronouncing his name at first – is a coward who spends most of the episode hiding in his castle. The closest thing we get to Guinevere is a Princess Gwendolyn, who is Arfur's daughter, not his queen. The other knights appear in one scene and do pretty much nothing. Despite being referenced in the title, we never actually see the "hound" table. Lancelot, Morgan Le Fey, Percival et all are nowhere to be seen. It's clear Jeffrey Scott just wanted to stick Sonic in a castle and knights setting and used the most famous names he could think of for puns. I guess it's not shocking that this stupid kids cartoon doesn't riff more on the Camelot tragedy but it sure seems like a waste. 

At the very least, "Hedgehog of the "Hound" Table" does present Sonic with a greater challenge than usual. He just can't bash an invincible Robotnik into submission. Sonic is actually challenged for the first time in a while and even looses a fight half-way through the episode. When MerLynx's magic is used to turn his feet to stone, taking away his speed, Sonic is especially screwed. Of course, he overcomes this. With Gwendolyn's help, he escapes the castle and later outsmarts Scratch and Grounder with ease. (A moment where he yanks a hose out of Scratch's chest and slides away on the oil spill is mildly disturbing.) I always like it when Sonic is forced to outthink his opponents and not just out-run or out-snark them. 

Otherwise, this episode relies on uninspired slapstick to fill out its runtime. Upon arriving in medieval times, Robotnik and his robo-henchmen are transmogrified into various mundane objects by MerLynx's magic. While the idea of someone going into the past and blasting through the warriors of the time with modern technology is kind of funny, Robotnik's domination of the knights produces no laughs here. A moment involving Scratch being bathed in molten oatmeal seems especially desperate. And the episode even managed to sneak in a chili dog, despite its antiquated setting. 

Most annoyingly, "Hedgehog of the "Hound" Table" can't even be consistent with the rules established in its own episode. Even though he knew three other Chaos Emeralds were out there, and Robotnik still had a time machine, this episode also begins with Sonic on the beach. Once again, he tries to get laid but his chosen beach honey disappoints him. (She turns out to be a tentacled octopus gal, which I guess is too freaky for Sonic.) Dr. Caninestein has to re-convince Sonic to go back in time again. It's weird that the second part repeats itself like that. Worst yet is a gag where Tails grabs the Chaos Emerald of Invincibility long enough to become a beefy robot smasher... Despite it being clarified earlier in the episode that the stone only works if you're king! I get that it's just a quick gag but you can't just break rules you put in place a few minutes earlier! That's some ripe bullshit. I'm genuinely angry about this. 

(This episode also portrays humans as members of King Arfur's court, which is consistent with this show's universe. I'm also a bit surprise, considering how horny he clearly is, that Sonic never tries to make a move on the stuttering Gwendolyn. I guess heroics come first...)

So, yeah, it's not a very good episode. At least the animation upgrade we saw in "Black Bot the Pirate" is retained here. The scene where Sonic is first struggling with his stone feet is especially expressive. Perhaps the previous episode being half-decent got my expectations up too high. This episode is far more typical of the level of quality I associate with this series. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.48: Black Bot the Pirate

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.48: Black Bot the Pirate

Original Air Date: October 26th, 1993

As you've heard me bitch about already, "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" was not a show that was heavy on continuity. Supporting characters rarely reoccurred and individual episodes never had lasting effects. Which is why you can watch the show in almost any order and it'll still make sense. (Though the syndication package still managed to fuck that up...) However, there is an exception to this rule. I've characterized the "AoStH" writers as unambitious and I think the general quality of the show proves that. But they must've had some ambitions because, about halfway through the show's run, they would create a four-part story arc. "The Quest for the Chaos Emeralds" is wider in scope and slightly more serious than this show usually is. While "Adventures" rarely lingered in my childhood memory, this four-parter definitely stuck out to my young brain. And so it did to many other viewers, as "The Quest" is generally regarded as the high-point of the entire series. 

"Black Bot the Pirate" begins sometime after Robotnik has captured Dr. Caninestein, a brilliant physicist who has cracked the code of time travel. Robotnik forces him to build a time machine, which the villain intends to use to track down the four magical Chaos Emerald. Each possessing an incredible ability. If Robotnik possesses all four, he'll be unstoppable. After the tyrant goes back in time, Caninestein quickly builds a pair of light-speed sneakers for Sonic. He finds them on the beach, where Sonic attempts – and fails – to pick up a shapely Breezie look-a-like. Our hedgehog hero and Tails head back in time to the days of Blackbeard the Pirate, where Robotnik is already starting to close in on the first emerald's location. 

Time travel is one of those standard sci-if premises that is almost always fun to play around with. Whether you use it to explore a distant future or to fuck around with reality-bending paradoxes, time travel opens up the story in big ways. Lots of time, shows just use it to drop characters into various historical settings. And ya know what? That's fine too. Considering how fast and loose "AoStH" is with logic, there's really no reason the show couldn't have had Sonic fighting pirates at any point. Yet dropping the hedgehog onto the high seas, and having him tangle with Blackbeard and hunt buried treasure, is a totally cromulent premise for an episode. Considering most of these "Adventures" boiled down to "what if we introduce a new, annoying character?," this is still a welcomed change of pace. 

As the title indicates, this storyline would also introduce the Chaos Emeralds into "AoStH" lore. The legendary stones have been part of the "Sonic" lore since the very first game, even if they really wouldn't become plot relevant until the third one. Something consistent about the emeralds is that they aren't consistent at all. Even across the video games, the exact number and color of the emeralds varies. "AoStH" kept them all green, changed their shapes, and narrowed it down to four. More importantly, writer Jeffrey Scott gave each emerald its own magical property. The emerald at the center of this story grants invisibility to its user. The others possess the powers of invulnerability, immortality (which seems slightly redundant), and what is described as "power over life itself." 

(If this sounds similar to a certain Marvel Comics plot device, that's probably not a coincidence. The Infinity Stones had been part of the Marvel Universe since the seventies and the story arc revolving around their collection and utilization played out in the early nineties. I have no idea if Jeffrey Scott was a comic nerd but he previously worked on superhero shows like "SuperFriends," "The Plastic Man Comedy/Adventure Show," and "Spider-Man." It's fair to assume he was at least aware of the medium. The Infinity Stones plot would've been recent comic history around the time he got hired to work on "Sonic." So it seems like a likely intentional reference/steal to me.) 

Obviously, introducing a quest to gather magical rocks that grant god-like powers is a little heavier than your usual "AoStH" episode. This episode also has Robotnik wielding a Roboticizer-like ray gun, which he uses to turn Blackbeard and a whale into mechanical minions. (Sort of weird he had that up his sleeve and has never used it to conquer Mobius, right?) Yes, "Black Bot the Pirate" is a little more seriously plotted than most episodes of this show. The Invisibility Emerald being invisible is a clever idea. As is the way Robotnik finds the unseeable hedgehog and Sonic's answer to seemingly being stranded in the past. The animation also takes a step-up here, as the characters' movements are far more fluid and expressive than they usually are. Long John Baldry even manages to make Robotnik, a character we've seen humiliated countless times by now, sound like an intimidating villain here. 

Despite all the obvious ways "Black Bot the Pirate" is different from your typical "AoStH" episode, this is still a goofy comedy show. The first half of the episode is devoted to the characters screwing around on a pirate ship. Blackbeard wields nun-chucks in one scene. The physical comedy is pretty lame, as usual, though a bit where Tails quickly paints Grounder to resemble Sonic made me grin a little. Despite its time-spanning plot and world-in-the-balance stakes, the episode still has time to include Sonic tricking the baddies by wearing a disguise. (As well as most of the cast's stock catchphrases, though I guess there weren't any chili dog stands back in Blackbeard's day.) There's also an unlikely moment of Sonic re-programming the robot whale he and Tails are stuck in, so there's just nothing this hedgehog can't do. 

Still, I guess ambition is worth something. Even if it's exactly what you'd expect from this show, "Blackbot the Pirate" is also so atypical for this series that I kind of have to give it a positive score. We'll see how my much my opinion changes as I work my way through the rest of this story arc. [6/10]