O.K. K.O.! Let's Be Heroes, Episode 3.03: Let's Meet Sonic

O.K. K.O.! Let's Be Heroes, Episode 3.03: Let's Meet Sonic

Original Air Date: August 4th, 2010

You know that one of your favorite little niche fandoms has reached full pop culture saturation when it starts getting referenced, parodied, and stolen from in totally unrelated shows, comics, and games. As a kid, I barely knew anyone else who was a "Sonic" fan. More pressingly, I didn't know anybody as obsessed with this character, his games, cartoons, and comics as me. Which meant, whenever a "Sonic" homage or spoof would pop up in something, it was a rare validating moment. When Sonic zoomed on-screen for a split second gag on a classic "Simpsons" Christmas episode, my eyes lit up. When Lewis Black said the words "Sonic Hedgehog" on an episode of "The Daily Show," I was elated. (Despite my deeply autistic brain being bothered by the inaccuracies in these appearances. Sonic wouldn't want Bart to shoplift!) When I saw the naked cat girl from "Darkstalkers" do a spin-dash, it confirmed that series as my other favorite video game franchise. It made me realize there were, in fact, other people like me in this world, devoted to this little blue guy who runs around. 

All of the above shout-outs occurred when "Sonic" was more-or-less a contemporary property. In the new century, "Sonic" has now been established for upwards of three decades. Meaning there are actual authors, comic creators, and show runners that have grown up as fans of "Sonic the Hedgehog." Which is a lot different than a random show yelling out Sonic's name as a riff on a newly popular fad. Now we have examples of artists who have been influenced by "Sonic," who were fans as kids and have now matured into writers and filmmakers, telling their own stories and showing the mark other pieces of pop culture has put on them. In other words, now we have concrete examples of people doing what I would absolutely do if I got to write a long-running book or cartoon: Include references to "Sonic" because it's a thing they love and our own artistic visions and dreams are influenced by the stories we consume. 

In other words, when I saw references to "Sonic" in "Scott Pilgrim" or heard from other people online that some Cartoon Network show had some jokes about my favorite hedgehog, I was delighted, slightly jealous, but not surprised. We Sonic fans like to think of this series as strictly ours but it's an iconic bit of our collective culture now. Obviously, "Sonic" will influence other stuff. However, putting some red and white shoes on a random background character or having someone run through a loop is still quite a bit different from a newer series having an official, Sega-approved crossover with "Sonic." We are in undeniable Batman fighting the Green Hornet, "Archie Meets the Punisher," "Ape Nation" territory now. This is the kind of crossover that corporate negotiations and serious paperwork must be signed off on to make happen. Crossovers of this degree with Sonic used to be rare, the odd run-in with Spawn or Sabrina the Teenage Witch aside, as Sega is fairly protective of their mascot... That has changed somewhat in our modern age though, when Sega is willing to loan out their precious I.P. to other corporate entities, all in the name of everyone making a lot of money. Now, it's not unusual to see Sonic giving exposition to Wreck-It Ralph, rubbing blocky minifig shoulders with Batman, or asking Flo from Progressive if he can save some money on his car insurance. It surprises me though, when Sonic randomly pops up like that, cause I'm still used to this series being the redheaded stepchild of the console wars. 

It's all the more surprising when such crossovers happen with stuff I've never heard of. Sonic having some sort of promotional collaboration with other video games like "Minecraft," "Roblox," or "Fall Guys" is weird to me – I barely know what those things are too – but it's understandable. That's staying within the realm of electronic gaming. When Sonic transgresses the fourth wall and ends up on a movie or TV, that's a much more unexpected event. Such a thing would happen in 2019, when some Cartoon Network show called "O.K. K.O.! Let's Be Hero" did a whole episode built around its characters meeting Sonic and Tails. I rarely emerge from my shell of selective pop culture consumption – horror movies and like six comic books – to look at a newer cartoon. When news of this episode first trickled down into my subterranean lair, I assumed this must be some show built around brand-name team-ups or something. Not true, it turns out. Apparently the creator of "O.K. K.O.! Let's Be Heroes!" is simply a big "Sonic" fan and, presumably through the deal that led to "Sonic Boom" airing on the same network, had a chance to make a crazy dream come true. This is the only crossover of this nature in the show's three season existence, as far as I can tell. 

Obviously, I had to write about this but will admit that I'm going in as a total novice to "O.K. K.O.!" I remember seeing some, uh, creative fan art of the purple haired chick when the program was new but that's the entirety of my exposure to it. A little bit of Wikipedia skimming informs me that the program revolves around K.O., a wannabe hero who lives in a wacky cartoon city while working a mundane job with his friends, fighting bad guys and trying to prove his mettle as a hero. A glance at the show suggested to me that it was heavily inspired by classic gaming. The titular hero's name brings "Street Fighter" to mind while his bandanaed, bare knuckled appearance recalls any number of fighting game and beat-em-up protagonists. The series is also set in the year 201X, for you Mega Man dweebs, and regularly features robots, mad scientists, ninjas, aliens, and other retro gaming nonsense like that. When I pressed play on this episode, I was greeted with an eighties style theme song and some synthwave-y graphics, making the connections obvious. To find out the creator of the series is only a few years older than me and part of the same scumbag Geriatric Millennial demographic was not surprising. We probably grew up watching, reading, and playing a lot of the same bullshit.

Anyway, "Let's Meet Sonic" begins with K.O. starting another day at the bodega where he works. His friends, Enid and Radicles, are more interested in napping the day away. That's when, to his utter shock and delight, Sonic the Hedgehog and Tails the Fox come rushing through the door. The two Sega mascots heard this place had some great chili dogs. Instead, the entire thing has been a trap laid by Dr. Load Box and his minions, K.O.'s regular adversary. The villain has grabbed the Master Emerald and plans to kidnap Sonic. His henchmen grab K.O.'s friends instead. Sonic and Tails team up with the little guy, while the fox expresses some jealousy over Sonic immediately fulfilling K.O.'s request to become his new best friend. Lots of running, fighting, slapstick, and frantic bantering ensues. 

Like I said, I don't watch a lot of newer cartoons, based on my innate middle-aged fear of things that are new and different. (And I realize this "newer" series is already over five years old at this point.) With the odd exception like "The Owl House," I've mostly checked out of the animation game. I've never seen a single full episode of "SpongeBob SquarePants," a statement that will surely sound unthinkable to many of you but is entirely true. Truth be told, it's not a choice I regret any. I know "Fairly Odd Parents," "Adventure Time," and "Gumball" are esteemed classics for many of you. However, I often find modern animation to be a little too manic, wacky, and willfully grotesque for my taste. This is probably how my parents felt about "Ren and Stimpy" and "Invader Zim." "O.K. K.O.!" definitely strikes me as abreast of these programs, with its aggressively wacky comedy and wildly exaggerated characters. Not to mention an animation style that emphasizes simple shapes, rough edges, and fast and loose movements. I can handle a single ten minute episode but sitting down to watch any more than that would probably require me to get hyped-up on some Captain Crunch first. 

Having said all of that, I did find "Let's Meet Sonic" to be an amusing ten minutes. The jokes are frequent, never more than a second passing between gags or one-liners. This is definitely a hyperactive, action orientated series as, mere minutes after Sonic shows up, the heroes are already embarking on a wild chase with some enemies. The animation is intentionally crude in some respects while also being extremely detailed and, at times, rather fluid. A moment where Sonic is running along some Chemical Plant Zone style pipes and turnpikes marks a visible improvement in the gracefulness and style of the show. K.O., an extremely enthusiastic and manic little guy, and his comedically incompetent adversaries strike me as potentially kind of annoying... But within the span of one episode, I can handle it. I suspect the show runners banked on a lot of people unfamiliar with "O.K. K.O.!" watching this episode, as it's fairly low on established characters and world building. It was nice of them to hold this old "Sonic" fan's hand as I was introduced to new and frightening territory. 

This episode doesn't represent merely a cameo appearance from a beloved series but is, in fact, an extended homage to "Sonic the Hedgehog" history. Within the opening minutes, K.O. is already striking iconic poses that Sonic has held on game covers over the years. Loops, rings, the Master Emerald, the Tornado, Green Hill Zone, and shout-outs to Knuckles and Robotnik are all present. What most impressed me about "Let's Meet Sonic" is that it doesn't reference only the surface level parts of the franchise. Yes, special moves like the Spin Dash, Light Speed Dash, and Homing Attack are mentioned by name. Sonic and Tails are voiced by modern mainstays Roger Craig Smith and Colleen O'Shaughnessy, as if they stepped right out of a recording for "Boom" and into this session. However, it quickly becomes clear that whoever is responsible for this crossover mostly has affection for the hedgehog's nineties heydays. A very detailed homage to the classic title screen appears, alongside instantly recognizable sound effects. Sonic's feet spinning into a figure eight shape or the exact way he curls into a ball suggests that these scenes were assembled by someone who spent a lot of time looking at and thinking about this character and his world. 

More than anything else, "Let's Meet Sonic" is jam-packed with homages to classic "Sonic" animation. When the bad guy's robotic henchman leaps on-screen, he makes Scratch's distinctive crowing laugh. I don't know if his partner is usually a little green guy with treads but that strikes me as a probable Grounder reference. Music that sounds a lot like the "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" theme plays a few times. The bad guy ties K.O.'s buddies under a distinctive oversized weight. Which ends up crossing Dr. Load Box instead, his pancakes visage floating back to the ground. In other words, the same fate that befell Robotnik during the end credits of every episode of "AoStH." The shout-outs to the denser, wackier "Sonic" cartoon climaxes with a "Sonic Sez" segment at the end, which inevitably features the hedgehog saying something is "no good." I get the impression, from this brief exposure to this show, that the particularly unhinged tone of "AoStH" seems to have been an overall influence on "Let's Be Heroes." 

That probably would've been enough. I spent far too much time re-watching VHS recordings of that cartoon and wondering at the opening screen to the Genesis too. But "Let's Meet Sonic" proves it was made by real hardcore hedgehog nerds by including elements from other cartoons. K.O. gets tossed in a glass tube, with curling wires and tubes overhead. It's referred to as a Roboticizer in dialogue and does, indeed, turn K.O. into a mechanoid. That's when the show embarks on a extended homage to the "Sonic" OVA. Specific shots from that anime, like Sonic running down a tunnel or Metal Sonic's turbines spinning to life, are directly copied. It all concludes with a comedic recreation of the film's finale, with "Metal K.O." sinking into a pool while directly quoting the volcanic conclusion to the anime. Sonic sits in a beach chair and acts like a jerk. This is the kind of obsessive dedication to nerdy details that a casual fan would never make. Clearly, those responsible for "Let's Meet Sonic" were die hard devotees to this series, having studied and obsessed over minute elements of it much the same way I used to. Feels good to see that shit, ya know? 

Honestly, it's difficult for me to be too objective about a little piece of animation so clearly assembled by other mega-fans of this franchise. On my second watch through, I even caught brief shout-outs to the Archie Comics and another one of Ben Schwartz' other famous roles. Jim Cummings is immediately recognizable as the voice of Dr. Load Box too, though this character is clearly more inspired by the "AoStH" take on Robotnik than Cummings' ominous take in the same character. In general, I was impressed at how much Sonic and Tails felt like they always have in this cartoon. Sonic's unintentional disregard for his friend might be slightly more focused on in the name of comedy but that's not too out-of-character for him anyway. There is a special treat in hearing Roger Craig Smith say a Jaleel White catchphrase like "Need to speed, keed!" The hedgehog's inability to swim is a major plot point too. Honestly, by the end of these ten minutes, I had come around to really liking the way our familiar duo looks in this animation style. They are still totally recognizable as themselves while also fitting into this world. 

Outside of the nostalgic keys jangling handpicked to make veteran dorks like me happy, I found this to be a satisfying episode on its own merit. I laughed a couple of times. K.O.'s constant state of fanboy awe at Sonic, such as his enthusiastic response when Cream the Rabbit is mentioned, is cute and funny. Despite the briefness of the runtime and the mechanics of needing to blend one universe with another, "Let's Meet Sonic" seeks in a proper character arc for its guest stars. Sonic's immediate bonding with K.O. makes Tails a little insecure about the status of their friendship, misunderstanding that is corrected by the end. The two prove their devotion to one another and all is well with the world. This includes a genuinely sweet flashback to how Tails met Sonic and how he inspires him, taken right out of the fox's origin story from the "Sonic 2" manual. 

I went into this episode not knowing anything about "O.K. K.O.! Let's Be Heroes." I don't know if I came away as a fan exactly. Will this one episode inspire me to watch the rest of the series? It might, though it remains to be seen if constantly taking in excessive craziness like this might be grating in the long run. However, I absolutely came away with a lot of respect for the writers and animators of this episode. I want to sit down and chat about deep hedgehog lore with some of these people now. Do they have an opinion on Ken Penders? How do these guys feel about the Two Worlds theory? Can they draw Bean the Duck from memory? Let's get together over lunch and talk about the current whereabouts of Mobie the Cavebear. Anyway, I liked this. If other more recent cartoons featuring purple haired Latinas with big thighs want to shove Sonic and Tails into an episode with little warning and prompting, I'd like that too. Let's have these dudes pop up in all sorts of weird places. [7/10]

REVIEW: Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (2024)

I was fourteen years old when “Sonic Adventure 2” came out. This means I was right in the target demographic to find Shadow the Hedgehog appealing. In retrospect, it's tricky to overlook how calculated a character Shadow was. The “Sonic the Hedgehog” fandom was already full of original characters that were barely anymore than different colored versions of Sonic. This was an official character with almost the exact same gimmick... Except he was also an edgy antihero with a tragic backstory and a plethora of superpowers. In other words, Shadow the Hedgehog felt a lot like a cheesy original character except he was one hundred percent official. Ashamedly, this strategy worked exactly as planned. Shadow immediately became the second most popular character in the franchise, launching a hundred other O.C.s. When Sega gave him his own game, allowing him to shoot a gun and ride around on a motorcycle, it almost felt like self-parody. 

I wasn't above being caught by this. I too loved Shadow when he first debuted. However, at some point, I woke up to the blatant corporate manipulation at play here and turned on the character. However, Shadow has now been an established part of the “Sonic” universe for over two decades. I've long since made my peace with the character. I would go so far as to call myself a fan of Shadow the Hedgehog, when he's written well. However, how would the character be integrated into the cinematic “Sonic the Hedgehog” universe? That was the question on my mind as I sat down to watch “Sonic the Hedgehog 3,” somehow the third big budget theatrical adaptation of the beloved series. The latest sequel, and Shadow's much-hyped debut, has been well received by fans. What would I, an ever-shrewd old man, think of this?

Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles' peaceful lives with the Wachowski is interrupted again when G.U.N. specifically recruits the furry alien heroes. A black hedgehog from the same world as Sonic, but far more powerful, is on a rampage in Tokyo. Kept on ice by G.U.N. for fifty years, this Shadow has a grudge against the organization. He proves too powerful for Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles to defeat on their own. This leads them to forming an uneasy alliance with their greatest enemy, Dr. Robotnik. The new team soon are led to the secret base of Dr. Gerald Robotnik, the villain's grandfather and the scientist who studied Shadow fifty years ago. He recruits his grandson and Shadow into a plot to activate the Eclipse Cannon, a planet killing weapon he designed. Sonic races to stop villains new and old, the fight quickly getting personal. 

To utilize the inevitable pun, “Sonic the Hedgehog 3's” script hits the ground running. Within the opening minutes, we are being presented with Shadow's back story. Not long after that, Sonic and his friends are already dueling against the new threat. By the half-way point, we've already had alliance switches and betrayals and dramatic revelations, heroes teaming up with villains, villains teaming up with villains, and then breaking apart again. The movie breathlessly races from one plot point, and accompanying set piece, to the next. MacGuffins come and go, heroes chasing after access cards and the Master Emerald. The script looks like it's going to shove in the “Sonic Adventure 2” plot point of G.U.N. chasing Sonic before going in a wholly different direction, which then set-up dramatic heist and confrontations between the good guys. “Sonic the Hedgehog 3” rarely slows down, trying to squeeze as much into its 110 minute run time as possible. I guess this is what happens when you're attempting to tell a blockbuster worthy script but keep it within the runtime restraints of a traditional kid's flick.

Part of why “Sonic the Hedgehog 3” feels stuffed to the brims has to do with a problem that is often encountered in this franchise: There's a lot of characters here. In the returning column, we have Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Tom Wachowski, Maddie, Robotnik, Agent Stone, plus the Olive Garden guy and cameos for Wade Whipple, Maddie's sister, and the undercover G.U.N. Agent she nearly married in the last movie. To this already considerable cast, the film adds Shadow, Gerald Robotnik, Maria via the power of flashbacks, and Krysten Ritter as a new antagonistic G.U.N. commander. If the studio is going to pay recognizable actors like James Marsden and Ritter to be in the movie, it better give them things to do too. All of this must co-exist alongside the story of Shadow and Maria that the fans are truly here to see, as well as new additions these adaptations always feel the need to make. 

Part of why Hollywood struggled so long to adapt video games is because of the wildly different structural needs of both mediums. This has mostly been resolved by movies and games becoming a lot more like each other. The first two “Sonic” movies mostly invented their own narratives, drawing from the extensive back stories of the games, which probably was the best approach to take. “Sonic 3,” meanwhile, is the first movie to truly be adapted one of the game's plots, directly pulling a lot of ideas from “Sonic Adventure 2.” That doesn't mean only Shadow's backstory, as I expected. In the middle section of the film, both the good guys and villains seek access cards, the kind of fetch quest you'd fully expect from a video game. The sequel goes so far as to include the gravity switching gimmick that was so prominent in “Adventure 2's” later levels. One gets the impression that this is the movie Jeff Fowler and his team have really been wanting to make all along, rather than grafting bits and pieces of established “Sonic” elements on traditional kid movie set-ups. 

Fidelity to the source material is a lot less important to me than honoring the characters as we know them. The “Sonic” cinematic universe has increasingly revolved around the idea of family. Sonic finding his new family with the Wachowski defined the first movie, while the second was about him learning responsibility when faced with a sidekick that looked up to him and an equally powerful rival. Family continues to be a heavily touted theme, the script emphasizing Sonic's connection to Tom and how it compares to Shadow being treated his whole life as a science experiment. Robotnik ends up aligning with Gerald largely because his similar want for a bloodline. However, that is secondary to the theme the movie flatly states again and again: “Making good decisions,” as Tom puts it, especially when the world constantly tries to break your heart with its overwhelming awfulness. In other words: Shadow and Sonic both have great power but only one of them has learned great responsibility from a father figure. 

While this is the kind of easily grasped themes and ideas you'd expect from a kid's movie, repeated enough times for the little ones to pick up on it, I do think “Sonic the Hedgehog 3” actually pays proper tribute to its emotional center. The sequel is seriously invested in Shadow the Hedgehog, particularly how the loss of Maria weighs on him. A surprising amount of time is devoted to establishing Shadow and Maria's relationship, via lengthy flashbacks. Though hassled with the franchise's continued obvious soundtrack picks – why is a scene in the seventies featuring a Traveling Wilburies song? – these moments are genuinely adorable. When Maria is inevitably killed, the pain Shadow feels is sincere. As sarcastic as these films get, the emotional stakes remain one hundred percent serious. I didn't expect a “Sonic the Hedgehog” movie to feature a touching depiction of overcoming grief and learning to live beyond that heartache but here we are. 

When it was announced Keanu Reeves was cast as the voice of Shadow the Hedgehog, people got excited. This struck me as a little odd. I know Keanu is a beloved pop culture icon these days and I love the guy too. He's not truly a voice actor though, “Toy Story 4” aside. Much like Idris Elba as Knuckles, I can definitely feel some of that awkwardness coming through Reeves' performance. However, Keanu manages to find the heart of the character before the film is over. Ben Schwartz' take on Sonic is well established by now, the actor even getting a chance to stretch his dramatic legs a bit in this installment. I do wish Elba as Knuckles and Colleen O'Shaughnessey weren't increasingly sidelined by the story though, another side effect of the film having so many characters in it.

Following “Sonic the Hedgehog 2,” Jim Carrey announced his retirement and the character's fate in that film seemed potentially final, should the star really not come back. Well, Carrey loves money enough to return for part three, as both Robotnik and his grandfather. This means we get a double-dose of Carrey's manic comedy. The make-up effects that transform him into the 100 year old Gerald are good. In general, the illusion of one actor playing two characters that often interact is pulled off successfully. While Carrey's clownery is amusing, there are multiple moments when his buffoonery becomes difficult to sanction. A dance sequence among security laser or the increasingly nutty finale feel like moments when the star's chaotic energy take over the movie, to its detriment. Robotnik also gets a genuine character arc and I'm not sure Carrey is able to pull it off in-between all his extended mugging. 

Another reason “Sonic 3” feels a little overstuffed is because it has to make room for its human co-stars. Tom and Maddie get a sequence devoted to themselves, in which they sneak into a G.U.N. building in London. It is an inessential sequence, to say the least. Ritter, a decent actress, is given very little to work with as Rockwell. She's simply another obstacle for the heroes to run around. In general, the tension between what the fans most want to see – Sonic and his friends doing stuff – and the need for these films to be live action family-friendly comedy continue to make these unsteady affairs. Except for Lee Majdoub's agent Stone, whose role as Robotnik's loyal sidekick has expanded naturally into a full-on homoerotic will-they-or-won't-they? Majdoub and Carrey's banter continues to be a highlight of these movies.

My continued suspicion that these films would be a lot better if they were entirely animated is furthered by the last act. That's when “Sonic 3” becomes a colorfully directed action flick, the CGI hedgehogs blasting around the world and into outer space with enough verve to outclass some recent, bigger budget superhero flicks. The film also makes sure to get a prominent song on the soundtrack, once again suggesting that Fowler knew exactly what kind of fan service he had to include. I have a lot less investment in “Sonic Adventure 2's” plot than most but it was nice to see a “Sonic” movie truly push the limits of what its hero can do on-screen.

That evident desire to give people exactly what they want continues into the inevitable sequel baiting mid-credits scene. The “Sonic the Hedgehog” movies continue to exist in a bizarre space between special effects driven spectacles and goofy kid movies full of wacky comedy. The compromise agreed upon to make these movies possible continue to stick out badly. If I had seen this during the peak of my teenage Shadow fever, I probably would have loved it. “Sonic the hedgehog 3” feels like a movie primarily made for those people. The older I get, the more ambivalence I have towards franchises existing primarily to appease fans and activate nostalgia-driven dopamine rushes... From a simple factor of loyalty to the source material and on-screen flash, “Sonic 3” is easily the best entry in the series. How I'll feel about it in the future remains to be seen. But at least it beat the "Lion King" prequel at the box office... [7/10]

Hi-sCoool! SeHa Girls, Episode 1.07: Eggman vs. Sonic with the Sega Hard Girls

Hi-sCoool! SeHa Girls, Episode 1.07: Eggman vs. Sonic with the Sega Hard Girls

Original Air Date: November 19th, 2014

In my previous review of an episode of "Hi☆sCoool! SeHa Girls," I got so busy ranting about the disturbing social and psychological underpinnings of this series, and the subgenre it is part of, that I overlooked an important part of the experience. See, the anime opening sequence is a proud tradition in Japan, flashy intros and a catchy theme song often being considered essential elements to a program's success. Unforgettable openings are valuable in American animation too but they often exist more as repetitive melodies that couldn't be mistaken for Top 40 hits, more commercial jingles than emotionally resonant works of art. Japanese cartoon makers, meanwhile, truly pioneered the idea of having professionally made pop or rock songs as their opening themes. These strong tunes are then paired with a dynamically edited series of images that are often better animated than the actual episode will be. A really good anime intro has you ready to Mazin-Go, leaves you-are-shocked, gets you to burning, puts your grasses on, and creates the Pegusu Fantusee even if you don't seem to understand what the fuck a Head Cha-La is. It's as much a statement of purpose as it is an eye-catching, ear-worming blend of music and visuals. 

In other words, a good anime OP delivers, sometimes being the difference between a generation spanning hit and a forgettable also-ran. How does the "Hi☆sCoool! SeHa Girls'" intro stack up? It gives the impression that this is a show meant to blind the viewer with a rocket-paced swirl of bright colors, cutesy cartoon imagery, and ear-piercing sounds. After a brief Genesis style start screen, the viewer is assaulted with an escalating, hectic dance beat, high-pitched anime girls shouting “HAI!,” and a visual vortex of bright colors and Sega consoles. Frantic dance moves and clips from classic games follow, with more extremely bright colors, more squeaky shouts, and a techno beat that simply never stops hammering into your skull. It is the audio/visual equivalent of swallowing six Pixie Stix and then getting slammed in the head with baseballs flung at high speed. The kind of assaultive, hyper-active sugar rush that makes me feel like I just lost a fight. 

In some ways, it is a fitting opening for a show like this. After being teased at the end of the last episode, Sonic and Eggman take center stage in the aptly named “Eggman vs. Sonic with the Sega Hard Girls” and it is as inanely plotted and obnoxious as the previous installment. Eggman hacking into the “Border Break” world has, for whatever reason, caused the three SeHa Girls to shrink to small size and revert to their “chibi” forms. Sonic shows up and protects the girls from Eggman and his legion of automated turrets. Soon, Sonic pursues his enemy across a montage of famous stages and scenes from his various video games. The SeHa Girls hitch a ride on the hedgehog's quills, taking a wild journey before returning to the “Border Break” world, where Sonic drives his opponent away for the time being. The wacky incidents that follow also finish up the quest Center-sensai sent the girls to this world to in the first place. 

When I was informed that Sonic the Hedgehog crossed over with some weird anime created to promote Sega's library of games, I expected him to... Ya know, talk. To act like Sonic in more than merely the sense of running around and fighting robots. No such luck. The hedgehog, as presented here, resembles his “Sonic Adventure” appearance. Despite that, not a single word crosses his lips, as is tradition with “Classic” Sonic by this point. Eggman is totally silent as well, flashing a crazy smile from his Egg-Mobile. That Sega's most beloved franchise (internationally anyway) shows up in this cartoon without saying anything goes a long way towards explaining the philosophy of “SeHa Girls.” That the I.P.s are present and represented is more important to the program than them actually doing anything of note or showing a genuine personality. 

Which isn't to say that “Eggman vs. Sonic with the Sega Hard Girls” isn't clearly meant to be a celebration of the “Sonic the Hedgehog” brand. We do get a mildly neat action sequence of Sonic running along the sides of the canyon walls and destroying Eggman's machine guns. (Amusingly, he accomplishes this by jumping on top of them.) However, Sonic soon pursues Eggman through some inverted inter-dimensional wedgie. This results in a montage of scenes from previous “Sonic” games. I don't mean we see Sonic chasing Eggman through stages and hazards we all know and love. Instead, the episode literally shows gameplay footage from “Sonic 1's” Green Hill Zone and Special Stage, as well as the famous orca chase from “Sonic Adventure.” The SeHa Girls appear in bubbles to comment on what is happening but that's about the only difference from these moments and zones we've all played a hundred times.

I suppose it would be useful to remember that “SeHa Girls” was, obviously, a very low-budget TV show. At the same time, I didn't expect it to reuse quite so much pre-existing footage. Despite the clear lack of effort expended on this extended tribute to Sonic the Hedgehog, the script certainly never lets you forget who the real star of the show is. From the moment the blue hero appears, all the SeHa Girls' dialogue is devoted to exalting how great he is. The titular trio spends nearly the entire eleven minute runtime of the episode talking about how much they love Sonic and how fantastic they think he is. Listen, you could say I'm a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog. He might be a character that I enjoy. Yet an episode of television – especially one he's ostensibly only guest starring in – stopping dead in its tracks to remind us how fucking awesome Sega's corporate mascot is not an ideal way to tell a narrative.

In execution, this does not come off as a loving tribute to Sonic and his long history as a franchise. In fact, this feels a lot closer like an ego-stroking session for Sega as a corporate entity. Which, it should be all too apparent, it exactly is. “SeHa Girls” is a TV show literally about the video game consoles the company is famous for making, as personified by three cutesy CGI anime chicks. Every episode has them stepping into a new Sega video game. The final minutes of this episode hints that the mysterious Center-sensai, directing the girls, is actually Yuji Naka himself. (He provides the voice too, though under a heavily digitalized filter.) In other words: This is not an episode of a television show. It is a long commercial for Sega as a company, the products they produce, and how fucking amazing and great you should find all of the above. Am I watching a story or being sold something? 

A television show being designed to sell you something, existing to be nothing more than an extension of a cooperate commercial agenda, is one thing. I like “Beast Wars,” “The LEGO Movie,” “Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers,” and numerous other movies and shows made with this purpose in mind. If “Eggman Versus Sonic and the SeHa Girls” managed to do a better job of disguising its status as an advertisement, I still would not be able to overlook an important fact: I hate the SeHa Girls. I really don't like them. I cannot sanction their buffoonery. The CGI models continue to be as shallowly defined as possible. Dreamcast's clumsy antics remain unbearable. Mega Drive is simply the smart one and Saturn has no personality at all. They spend the whole episode as tiny gremlins with enormous heads, fawning over Sonic and shrieking in a variety of situations. 

It's fair to say that “SeHa Girls” is simply not the kind of humor that appeals to me. What are the jokes here? Dreamcast stumbles into the enemy core in the “Border Break” world, her physical clumsiness once again causing her to sail head first into an object. After the entire ordeal is over, Center-sensai forgets what deal he made with the SeHa Girls, as far as their rewards go. Naturally, the girls respond with loud, vocal bafflement. That's truly about it though! How is this presentation meant to amuse us? Are we simply suppose to feel a dopamine hit from the cute girls shrieking or seeing references made to video games that we recognize? If that's the case, “SeHa Girls” is a truest example I can think of a TV show jingling keys in front of its viewers' faces. Bright colors, loud noises, easy nostalgia, cutesy faces: Truly dire stuff. 

The “Sega Hard Girls” multimedia project was, I suppose by any traditional measure, a success. The light novels wrapped up by June of 2014 but the manga kept running until February of 2015. The anime's thirteen episode run concluded in December of 2014 but was apparently popular enough to spawn an OVA two years later, in 2016. That is, not coincidentally, the same year a video game that crossed the Sega Hard Girls over with the “Hyderdimension Neptunia” series came out. That includes a North American release too. That game got re-released for Steam the next year and that is, as far as I can tell, the last anyone has heard of this particular franchise. Not a bad run but, at the same time, it does not seem to me that “SeHa Girls” is an especially beloved or well-remembered endeavor. I'm sure Sonic has cameos or split-second appearances in some of the later episodes of “Hi☆sCoool! SeHa Girls” or the other branches of the project. As the primary mascot for the company this whole thing is meant to be fluffing, that's inevitable. However, I don't think I'm strong enough to seek those installments out. Needless to say, “SeHa Girls” is definitively not for me. I prefer a cartoon with characters that have genuine personalities and exist for a reason beyond shilling old video games and overpriced statues of waifus... [5/10]

Hi-sCoool! SeHa Girls, Episode 1.06: Center-sensei's Center Exam

Hi-sCoool! SeHa Girls, Episode 1.06: Center-sensei's Center Exam

Original Air Date: November 12, 2014

I think I've mentioned this before but Japan, as a culture, seems rather fixated on the idea of the mascot. Here in God's country, mascots are only associated with those lowest forms of entertainment: School sports, breakfast cereals, fast food restaurants, disingenuous anti-drug/crime/gun safety organizations. Basically, the kind of otherwise boring shit corporations want to trick six-year-olds into liking. In Japan, however, all sorts of stuff have colorful cartoon mascots. Big cities, small towns, organizations, or companies are encouraged to create a mascot to further promotion, identify their core values, and endear themselves to the public at large. This practice is called "yuru-chara" – short for "yurui mascot character," in which "yurui" is best translated as "light-hearted" – and has been embraced by everything from massive companies to tiny local initiatives. These mascots are often characterized by their overwhelmingly cute and simplified designs, often all the more apparent in the large costume suits – known as "kigurumi" in Japan – that appear at events and gatherings. Some of these mascots have become so popular in their own right that their link to whatever they were originally made to promote – Hello Kitty for the Sanrio corporation, Domo-Kun for the NHK television network, Chiitan for the city of Susaki – becomes hazy, the characters becoming a brand in their own right. To American readers, this is like if Smokey Bear became so internationally beloved that you could buy everything from slippers to vibrators featuring his likeness. Or if Dig 'Em Frog was so popular that you could be a lifelong fan of the character and have ton of his merch without once being within mouth's reach of a bowl of Honey Smacks. 

Japan's all-abiding fascination with mascots is largely a result of the country's embrace of kawaii as an aesthetic philosophy. This has, unsurprisingly, crossbred with more hardcore nerd circles in order to create the spin-off concept of moé anthropomorphism. This is when the link between the mascot and whatever product or concept it is promoting is tossed out, the very thing itself becoming the character. If you love your favorite open-to-the-public-to-edit online encyclopedia so much that you want to marry it, there's now a cute anime girl version with which you can live out that disturbing fantasy! Being so closely linked to otaku culture, moé anthropomorphism crossed over into video games, anime, light novels, and manga very quickly. Essentially, if you are a fan of a type of thing, there's probably a cute Japanese cartoon girl version of it out there that you can imagine vivid erotic scenarios about, if not an entire animated series or gaming franchise devoted to a whole horde of them. World War II battle ships? Animals? Countries? The cells that make up your very body? Pandemics that devastate the global population? Yep, yep, yep, yep, and yep. Is there a manga out there in which the rivalry between Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung's schools of psychotherapy is symbolized as a love-hate relationship between two big titty waifus? If not, I call dibs on that one. 

Being an ultra-nerdy conclave within already super-dorky fandoms, it should be unsurprising that gaming related phenomenon has spawned quite a lot of moé anthropomorphism media. There's a fantasy series reimagining the Nintendo/Sega console wars of the nineties as a Tolkienian epic. The extremely popular "Hyperdimension Neptunia" series does something similar within the JRPG genre, turning every gaming console you can think of into provocatively dressed, suspiciously young looking "digital goddesses" with enormous eyes. Yes, this process, of re-imagining objects you can buy as cutesy 2D babes, has also crossbred with Japan's idol culture. You can show your fidelity to Sega products by decorating your home with figures, posters, and shrines to a cutesy personification of your beloved console. This feels like the end game of capitalism, doesn't it? The product itself becoming an object of desire or literal worship for the individual, people willingly creating a creepy parasocial relationship not with a public figure but a sexualized personification of their favorite possession. Marx would have an aneurysm if he lived to see this. 

Anyway, I bring all of this up on my stupid "Sonic the Hedgehog" blog for a reason. In 2013, some mad scientist deep within a Japanese publishing company came up with a light novel series in which Sega's various game consoles are reimagined as kawaii anime girls that go on wacky adventures together. This quickly led to a manga, which soon beget video games and an anime adaptation. The umbrella term for the entire brand is "Sega Hard Girls." The title refers to the difficulty of the referenced video games but I'm betting a double entendre – what might these anime girls in short skirts and thigh-highs do to your pants, UwU – was intentional. Which might explain why the series is usually abbreviated to "SeHa Girls." Following another common trend in anime storytelling, most of the installments in the series depict the various consoles/girls as students at a high school. 

TMS Entertainment would follow that template with "Hi☆sCoool! SeHa Girls," a 2014 CGI anime series with an extremely annoying-to-type name. The series follows three of the SeHa Girls: The ditzy but well intentioned Dreamcast, the studious and withdrawn meganekko Mega Drive, and Saturn, who is apparently the sexy one despite showing the same amount of skin as the other two. Their goal is to graduate Sehagaga Academy. They do this under the cruel tutelage of Center-sensai, a computer program with a rabbit avatar. He gives the girls tasks which take them inside the worlds of various beloved and not-so-beloved Sega properties. In other words, this entire venture is an excuse to promote the popular I.P.s Sega owns as well as turn their consoles into cute girls you can adore and/or lust after. The cartoon focuses on the central trio mentioned above but the other branches of the project takes the gag as far as possible, featuring moé versions of the Sega CD, the 32X, the SG-1000, and the fuckin' DreamCast memory cards too. That the series doesn't feature waifus based on the various incarnations of the Sega Pico feels like a massive oversight but perhaps someone decided sexualizing consoles for preschoolers was too far even for the Japanese. 

Entire episodes of "SeHa Girls" take place in the worlds of "Virtua Fighters," "Space Channel 5," "Puyo Puyo," "Jet Set Radio," "Space Harrier," "Hang-On," and some fucking cell phone game. Notable shout-outs to "Golden Axe," "Altered Beasts," "Sakura Wars," "Phantasy Star," "Congo Bongo," and "Fantasy Zone" pop up. That weird beetle fighting game, where you scanned physical trading cards at arcade cabinets, is a running joke. Obviously, for a series so entrenched in Sega lore, it was only a matter of time before the company's beloved blue hedgehog showed up. Aside from cameos in the opening and closing credits, Sonic appeared in the sixth and seventh episodes of "SeHa Girls." Which finally brings me to the reason I'm talking about this particular obscure Japanese cartoon show, whose premise is so fuckin' dumb and dependent on cultural context that it required six paragraphs of preamble to set it up.

Sonic and Eggman actually only have cameos at the very end of episode six, the two characters appearing suddenly to set up the next installment. However, I'm the thorough sort so I'm covering both halves. "Center-sensei's Center Exam" focuses mostly on "Border Break," a co-op arcade shooter starring giant robots with simple "capture the flag" game play. (I've never heard of it but apparently it was popular in Japan.) The girls are sent into the game's world to collect the stars they need to pass their exam. Dreamcast and Mega Drive get enormous mecha to pilot while Saturn is forced to get around on her own. Shenanigans ensue, mostly because of Dreamcast being kind of an idiot. As the three are finally about to claim the enemy team's flag, Center-sensai appears to announce that their system has been hacked. The culprit? Dokutā Egguman! Luckily, Sonikku quickly appears to assist the fight. 

I actually first heard about "SeHa Girls" years ago thanks to the Anime World Order podcast reviewing it. Despite a lot of blatant anti-Sonic rhetoric in that review, the otherwise knowledgeable hosts had positive things to say about this program. Perhaps that set my expectations too high for what is described by multiple sources as a gag anime. Because this shit is dumb, y'all. A lot of the humor is extremely broad physical comedy, built mostly on the girls doing stuff by accident. Dreamcast's ditziness is the source of a repeating gag, where she keeps accidentally shooting at Saturn. It would seem this show is pitched right at the kind of fans who find high-pitched anime girls shrieking at each other and being involved in pedestrian slapstick inherently hilarious. It did not make me laugh! Is it possible that Daryl Surat doesn't actually know what he's been talking about all these years??? 

The truth is, this episode of "Hi☆sCoool! SeHa Girls" didn't make me feel much of anything. That the series is animated with CGI, and largely takes place within a video game, it makes me feel like I'm watching one of those old Machinima animations. It's not ugly, as so many CGI anime are, but it's also not especially distinctive. Honestly, considering the entire point of this series is to turn the Sega consoles into anime waifus you can buy merchandise of, I'm surprised at how uninteresting the SeHa Girls' designs are. They don't incorporate nearly enough of the console's color schemes or features into their appearances. Dreamcast has a big controller as a crown, the orange spiral and the triangle on her chest, and stockings vaguely reminiscent of the system's controllers. Saturn and Mega Drive are not that distinct, with an easily missed hairclip or a symbol on some boots being the main giveaways as to what consoles they are meant to represent. 

Instead of drawing obvious inspiration from their source material, they look like generic moé blobs to me. They have colorful hair, enormous glittery eyes, costumes that are distinct enough to cosplay but not so elaborate as to be difficult to make. Despite the weird, objectifying element inherent in this entire enterprise, the girls don't strike me as especially sexualized either. The SeHa Girls are not the big titty anime GFs you might be expecting. They exist in that obnoxious J-pop idol realm of sexuality: Cute, a little teasing of their feminine attributes, but never too forward or provocative. This is essential to the moé girls' appeal. Their kawaii purity must never be violated, least the otakus at home find themselves unable to imagine each character as his personal dream girl, an attractive but forever youthful and virginal digital girlfriend that can never reject him like real girls, with their depth and complex human personalities, can. 

In other words... The SeHa Girls, and all the other comparable anime characters, can never be allowed to be anything more than archetypes. They do not own their sexuality. That belongs to the fan boys that will deify them. They can't have too defined of a personality, least it spoil the universal appeal these girls are meant to have. They are not fully fleshed-out living things but rather... Objects. Not unlike the game consoles they are named after and meant to represent, bringing the disturbingly sexist subtext of the entire moé anthropomorphism subgenre to the forefront. Thus, Dreamcast can never be more than a clumsy bimbo, despite being based on a the "thinking" console. Mega Drive is the quiet, nerdy bookworm that is too shy to participate in the dance number over the end credits. The kind of little sister type a hikinomori shut-in can dream of protecting and cherishing. Based on this one episode, Saturn doesn't seem to have much of a personality at all. 

Man, I guess watching "Perfect Blue" and "Welcome to the N.H.K." didn't prepare me for how pandering anime aimed directly at the lonely fanboys can be. Not to mention how crushingly commercial it is, with this implicit subtext of "disregard humanity and embrace products instead." I want to be offended by the layers of sexism and capitalism woven through every part of this show but "Hi☆sCoool! SeHa Girls" truly isn't that distinctive. It's dumb, short, lame, and unimaginative and not worthy of any outrage. But, uh, hey, Sonic the Hedgehog and Robotnik sure do show up in the last two minutes! Hopefully the next one of these will provide more "Sonic" content for me to talk about. Otherwise, I am simply and clearly not the target audience for this program. [5/10]

Sonic Live in Sydney

Sonic Live in Sydney 

Original Release Date: 1997

Nestled into an obscure corner of the United States as a child, I never physically encountered anyone as obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog as me. From time to time, I'd run into somebody familiar with the games or one of the cartoons or, perhaps, another human boy who had read one or two of the comics. However, a friend as absorbed in this world and characters as myself eluded me. This led to me being a very lonely child, without anyone to share my greatest passion with. That's why getting online and discovering the wider "Sonic" fandom later in the nineties was such a revelation to me. My God, they do exist. 

Something else that fascinated me as a boy was amusement parks. Growing up where I did, I never got to visit any of the iconic American theme parks. Disney World, Universal Studios, SeaWorld, Six Flags Magic Mountain: All out of reach. Instead, I had settled for local D.C. area attractions like Hersheypark – where you can enjoy all the chocolate and slave labor themed rides of your dreams – and Paramount King's Dominion, where you could visit Stan Mikita's Donuts from "Wayne's World." Maybe Busch's Gardens, if you could drive a little further and wanted to watch your Dad get wasted and puke his guts out on the Loch Ness Monster. To my youthful eyes, such humble attractions still filled me with wonder. To my little kid brain, a theme park devoted to a topic was a sure sign that it had saturated the cultural zeitgeist. Which wasn't wrong, I suppose, since theme parks are really expensive. Getting to walk around a whole world devoted to a niche topic was a dream come true. You could trick yourself into thinking Cinderella's Castle or King Kong were real and you somehow breached the membrane between dull, horrible reality and wondrous, fantastical fiction. 

The point I'm making is... If kid-me had known there was a "Sonic the Hedgehog" themed amusement park somewhere in the world, I would have started saving all my pennies right then and there. I doubt I could have found Sydney, Australia on the globe but hearing that it was home to a mythical SegaWorld would have put the city on the map far more than any fancy opera house could. Maybe it's for the best I didn't learn about SegaWorld Sydney until long after its closure. By all accounts, it was a pretty mediocre amusement park, which is likely why it died after less than four years. Despite that, I have become fascinated with Sega World Sydney post-mortem as maybe the most hubristic example of Sega's oversized ambitions in the nineties. Or maybe it's because Sega World was the only place on Earth – outside of some disreputable Discord servers – where Princess Sally was treated with as much reverence as she was in my brain.

Sega World Sydney didn't have any bitchin' roller coasters, elaborate stunt shows, or world-class dining. But you know what it did have? A "Sonic the Hedgehog" stage musical! As performed by actors in clunky mascot suits and, later, severely off-model animatronic puppets. Among the dozens of apathetic vacationers who visited Sega World Sydney, none of them ever thought to video tape either version of the stage show. Or, if they did, they've yet to share it on the internet. Actual video footage of these shows remain highly sought-after relics by lost media archivists and obsessive-compulsive "Sonic" hoarders. Until such a recording surfaces, the only evidence we have of this incredibly obscure corner of the "Sonic" universe actually existing are some very unflattering photos of those suits and puppets. 

Except I'm lying. There is more proof that actors were paid to sweat profusely within heavy fur suits every day for an audience of bored children and visibly irritated parents. Yes, a cast recording CD of the first version of "Sonic Live in Sydney" was sold in the park and we do have digitalization of the CD splashed all over the internet. While this particular topic truly stretches the definition of "visual media," seeing as how very little visuals of it still exist, I am including "Sonic Live in Sydney" in my review of miscellaneous "Sonic" media. Because how can I not write entirely too many words about a half-hour production in which Sonic, Sally, and Robotnik express themselves through the power of song and dance? Someone as fascinated with misbegotten extensions of popular media franchises simply couldn't resist. 

Let us get into it, shall we? What is the riveting plot of "Sonic Live in Sydney?" It begins with Sonic, Tails, and Princess Sally aboard what we can presume to be the Tornado. After engine troubles, the trio bail out and land in Australia. Despite seemingly arriving in this area by accident, the three have a reason for visiting the island continent. Robotnik, following a defeat back on Mobius, have set up shop in Sydney with the Chaos Emeralds in tow. He has build his new base on the Sydney Harbor Bridge. A haphazard scheme involving a boot and a freeze ray ends with Sally being kidnapped by the villain. Sonic and Tails work to rescue her, the doctor falls in love with the Princess, some Badniks are there, and it all ends with Sonic saving the bridge from being exploded between musical numbers and half-assed jokes. 

In 1999, with the release of the Dreamcast and "Sonic Adventure," Sega would attempt to reel in all the divergent localizations of the "Sonic" brand across the world and unite it under one vision, which more closely resembled the Japanese interpretation of the character and his world. It was a controversial decision and one I have mixed feelings about. However, "Sonic Live in Sydney" makes a good case for why such a global unification was necessary. The stage musical – or at least what we can gleam from it based on the audio recording – represents a bizarre fusion of the different "Sonic" continues at the time. Sally is there and references are made to the Freedom Fighters, suggesting "SatAM" was a primary influence. (Supposedly, the dining area in the park where the show was performed was also called Knothole Village.) At the same time, Robotnik's design and characterization is based on his less-scary "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" depiction. In fact, the show's tone is far closer to that cartoon than the Saturday morning series, including a moment when Sonic tricks the doctor by wearing an easily-seen-through disguise. Mobius is also mentioned, presented as a planet separate from Earth, while several elements more akin to the early games – Robotnik's generic army of robotic minions known as Badniks, who were formally harmless woodland animals – also appear. It's a bit like the earlier, goofier issues of the Archie Comics series but more disorganized and thrown together in terms of what it did and didn't include. For bonus confusion points, Knuckles is in the cover of the CD and was heavily featured in the park but isn't in this show, presumably because he wasn't a part of "SatAM" or "AoStH."

You could certainly make the case that such a fast-and-loose approach to continuity effected the quality of "Sonic" tie-in products. A lack of oversight gave the impression of a series without much care put into it, that wasn't exactly worried about quality. The best "Sonic" stuff from this decade – "SatAM," the better Archie issues – saw creative people putting their best effort forward anyway. However, examples like most of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" and the weaker Archie issues suggest much more that most people were not that concerned with making anything but easily digested slop for little kids. "Sonic Live in Sydney" definitely falls into the latter category. Truthfully, this might be one of the bigger examples of the creatives simply not giving a shit about what they were making. The plot for this half-hour, Chuck E. Cheese drama is nonsensical, often changing focus and introducing new elements with little pretense. The characters are simply sketched, their identities often changing in-between scenes, such as when Robotnik decides he's in love with Sally. Or in Tails' overall usefulness to the plot. (Sonic describes him as having "Heart," officially making Tails the Ma-Ti of this Planeteers squad.) 

And why would the crew behind such an ephemeral piece of entertainment put much effort into it? It's not like some overly serious dweeb is going to look back at it twenty-seven years later and try to write about it as if it was a serious piece of performance art, right? Nevertheless, trying to make sense of "Sonic Live in Sydney" is not always easy. Robotnik's freeze ray has a number of different properties that vary as the plot needs them too. How exactly the inhabitants got from Mobius to Australia, seemingly in an airplane, is never explained. For that matter, how do Sonic and the others have any knowledge of Australian culture? There's a pun in here about Ugg Boots, to show you how familiar they are with local culture. What exactly Robotnik's goal is changes several times, a love/sleeping potion is introduced haphazardly, and I swear that bomb blowing up the Harbor Bridge wasn't mentioned until the last minute. Also, Sally Acorn is called a marsupial but that's probably because they don't have chipmunks in Australia. I know, I know, this was designed to be watched by visitor stuffing their faces with overpriced pizza and dried out chicken fingers. Why bother putting any effort into it? I probably wouldn't have either. I'm just saying, you can tell.

The thing that always baffled me about shows like this, with a degree of audience participation, is... How exactly does that work? There are several scenes in this stage show where Sonic or someone calls out to the audience to answer a question or cheer or something. Mostly to shout about being in Australia or whatever. I'm sure the people halfway watching this always gave a very enthusiastic response. However, how exactly are the fictional characters aware of being observed? What do they see? What is the status of the Fourth Wall here? What does Dora observe when she talks to the kids in the other side of the TV? Does she, in-universe, have the ability to receive communications from people on another plane if existence? Or is it all performance? Make it make sense, damn it! I'm sorry that writing about this shit makes me sound schizophrenic sometimes. I guess that is an inevitable result of taking half-assed children's media waaaaaay too seriously. 

All of that aside... Is there any entertainment value to be had from "Sonic Live in Sydney?" Admittedly, this is an example of a piece of "Sonic" media so clearly thrown together that I can't help but be charmed a bit by its mere existence. Don't get me wrong, it's absolute garbage, as substantial as the cardboard plates and cups served in the same cafeteria. However, this thing is ultimately too weird for it not to be a little entertaining. As in "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog," you can see the apathetic overhead leading to the writers and directors inserting brief moments that are inappropriate for the little kids. Namely, Sally slapping Robotnik and the villain proclaiming that he likes it. Did Robotnik just admit he's into masochism? In general, the premise of the tubby bad guy – there are a lot of fat jokes here – falling in love with Sally is bizarre. Maybe the writers assumed this must be a Bowser/Princess Peach scenario, where the antagonist has a crush on the good guy's girl. (Who is specifically described as being in love with Sonic, opposed to the more flirtatious relationship the characters usually have.) It's a bit weird is all. 

Then again, considering "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" was clearly the main inspiration for this take on Robotnik, we shouldn't be surprised he's a hopeless romantic and weirdly horny. We don't know the names of a lot of the people responsible for this thing. However, we do have a cast list. Adrian Payne was clearly emulating Long John Baldry, with a conceited and operatic take on the baddie. The result of the voice acting is not so committed. Someone named Tanya Bulmer plays Sally and her accent audibly changes throughout. Sometimes she sounds a bit like a Southern gal, taking that attribute from Bunnie. Other times, her voice is more posh while multiple times the actress' native Australian accent shines through. The same is true of Paula Arundell and Diane Adams, as Sonic and Tails, who often let their Straya slip out. I think Arundell is trying to do a Jaleel White impersonation and... It's energetic, if nothing else. Adams as Tails, however, adapts a shrill and nasally voice that is frankly incredibly annoying. 

But what about those songs, man? Isn't that why we're all here, to marvel at the utterly baffling existence of a "Sonic the Hedgehog" musical? (That isn't "Sonic Underground" anyway.) As you might anticipate, they aren't very good. Did you expect them to be good? "What Are We Waiting For?" is Sonic's big number, in which he rhymes "core" with "core." It's upbeat, I'll say that much. The backing track is strictly Casio-core, which is all the more obvious thanks to bits of the original games' scores being used. As for Robotnik's song, "Give Me Chaos," quickly becomes rather droning and monotonous. It's still better than Sally's big romantic number, "Thank You For Being You." If you watched any underachieving Disney rip-off from this same decade, you'll recognize this same sort of glurgey synth sparkle ballad shit. It's regrettable though not bad enough to be truly offensive, I guess. More generic than anything else.

Out of all the dumb, shitty things I've written about because of this blog, I suppose "Sonic Live in Sydney" is less painful than "The Fight for the Fox Box." It caused me less psychic damage than going through every episode of "Underground" and the songs are, marginally, better. Would I have loved it as a kid? Of course, I would have. Sonic was in it! God, if I had gotten a chance to see Sonic and Sally move around on-stage before my very eyes, five year old me would have vibrated into another dimension from sheer excitement. Would I look back on it with clenched teeth and embarrassment? Oooooh yeah. If a recording of this show emerges from the depths of the internet someday, will I willingly expose myself to it again? We already know the answer to that. It's terrible but, at the same time, "Sonic Live in Sydney" is another example of what weird shit could happen when marketers got ahold of a popular media I.P. Maybe I'll go and watch the "Coming Out of Their Shells" tour next and see if it's more or less painful than this. Well, hoo-roo, mates, this CD left me mad as a cut snake and belongs in the dunny. [4/10]