Sonic Underground, Episode 1.29: New Echidna in Town

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.29: New Echidna in Town

Original Air Date: October 7th, 1999

The final part of the Chaos Emerald Crisis begins with Knuckles reluctantly going to Robotnik for help. The tyrant wants the hedgehogs in return, which Knuckles only agrees to after he promises not to roboticize them. (Also because the fate of the world is hanging in the balance.) Knuckles leads Robotnik to Sonic and his siblings, where the villain immediately goes back on his deal and hauls out the mobile roboticizer. The good guys make a quick escape. Afterwards, Robotnik is still determined to capture the Chaos Emerald, even as it's tearing the world apart. Sleet transforms Dingo into a carrying case but, after placing the emerald shards inside, Dingo is transformed into a giant, rampaging monster. Another brief truce is formed between heroes and villains to stop this new threat. 

"New Echidna in Town" is better than the second part of the Chaos Emerald Crisis but only by a small margin. It's another "Underground" episode with good ideas but no clue how to properly execute them. Knuckles' Archie characterization, as an angsty teen uncertain of his path, is seemingly utilized when Knuckles has to make a deal with Robotnik. He doesn't want to do it, knows it's a bad idea, but doesn't know what else to do. He's upset about betraying his friends but, because his great-granddad said this is the solution, he goes through with it. Instead of mining that angst, and the built-in tension, for all it's worth, the show tosses that plot point away after about five minutes. Robotnik immediately betrays Knux, he fights back and frees his friends, and Sonic and the gang forgive him for backstabbing them. Way to waste an interesting story, Mark Edens. 

After suffering through twenty-nine episodes of “Sonic Underground,” I’ve decided I really don’t like this version of Robotnik. He has ruthless tendencies, yeah, but it’s chained to an annoyingly childish personality. He doesn't agree to work with Kncukles because the world is on the edge of ending... But only because he sees it as a chance to capture the royal triplets. When Dingo turns into a giant monster and starts marching towards Robotropolis, he haughtily doubts Dingo could successfully destroy his grand city. Later, Robotnik just lets Sonic push him in the path of the falling Dingo. The "Underground" Robotnik is as childish and dumb as the "AoStH" version but without the fucked-up backstory to make him interesting. He's a pale imitation of the "SatAM" version – Garry Chalk's performance grows increasingly tiresome – but with a complete misunderstanding of what made that interpretation intimidating. 

As for the decision to turn Dingo into a rampaging kaiju, I have mixed thoughts about it. I don't understand why writer Mark Edens went through the additional hoop of having Dingo transform after Sleet turns him into a box and literally puts the emeralds inside him. After making such a big show of Dingo being electrocuted, which is repeated here, I figured that would be the more reasonable place to begin the transformation. It also bugs me that the threat of the out-of-control chaos energy tearing the planet apart seemingly goes away the minute Dingo turns into a giant monster.

At the same time, I almost admire the philosophy of "if you're gonna go stupid, at least go big." The minute one tiny rock splitting in two caused a global crisis, with seemingly random effects, this three-parter's attempt at seriousness went out the window. So why not turn Dingo into a kaiju? The design is uninspired, as he looks like a generic sludge monster with walrus tusk. But at least it's big and crazy and different. Granted, the show still fucks this up. Monster Dingo is so powerful that he reduces Manic's magic drum set to rubble... Yet he's still defeated by a song – Manic's drum set magically repaired – and the application of some crazy glue. Once again, a good idea paired with a half-assed execution. 

Speaking of that song... I'm pretty numb to the shitty quality of this show's music by this point. "The Mobius Stomp" is, I think, supposed to be a rowdy hard rock number. In actuality, it sounds more like a pale imitation of kitschy dad rock like George Thorogood. I'm still not sure what the musical number was meant to accomplish, as it does very little to actually slow Monster Dingo. What I mostly remember about "The Mobius Stomp" is watching this episode as a kid and thinking the song was painfully bad. That it was an embarrassing attempt at appearing "cool" – Sonic is tippin' shades throughout the performance – and that I was incredibly embarrassed to be watching it. Sad to say, through adult eyes and ears, I doubt this would rank in the top five worst songs on the show. 

Before I wrap up this review, here's some stray observations about this episode. It was hinted at last time and is confirmed here, via blushing cheeks and a tentative hug, that Sonia has a crush on Knuckles. Whether this might've gone anywhere, we don't know as this is Knuckles' last appearance on the show, but at least he's a better love interest than Bartleby. Knuckles also does that thing where he spins his fist into a buzzsaw, which still looks incredibly awkward. There's an extremely forced-in segment involving lava here, which once again proves that cartoons don't know how convection works. Finally, when Robotnik captures the triplets, they get sprayed with a sticky white glue substance. Because just when you think this show's slime fetish is a coincidence, it does it again. 

Oh yeah, the title also makes no fucking sense again. Knuckles is an established character by this point and he doesn't visit any towns. I'm starting to think the episode titles were randomly chosen and the writers had to work with what they were given. Also, Athair just smiles and nods at the end, secure in his wise wisdom, even though I'm absolutely certain nobody could have guessed the random-ass way this all played out. And, like, old man, if you know a giant monster is going to sprout out of nowhere... Fucking warn us. Just say "Hey, a giant monster is going to show up. Be prepared for that." I think that would be a much more useful thing for a mentor to do than bark unassailable commands and drop a series of vague hints. 

Sad to say that this story arc started strong but spectacularly shit the bed in its later parts. Which is not much of a surprise, considering the overall quality of this program. Yet it is a shame that Knuckles finally got to be in an American cartoon, with a personality influenced by the comic books, and it turned out so poorly. Our red spiky boy deserves better than that. [5/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.27: No Hedgehog is an Island

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.27: No Hedgehog is an Island

Original Air Date: October 5th, 1999

Once again, I have to talked about the weird way "Sonic Underground" was syndicated. As you've probably noticed, there was a loose continuity across the series, with the occasional element or character reoccurring or being referenced again. All of this stuff was shown in the correct order. Which makes it all the more baffling that "Underground's" two actual three-parters were mixed up throughout the run. The second and third parts of the "Origins" arc was interspersed with the second and third parts of the "Chaos Emerald Crisis" arc. I don't know why the series would do something so confusing – other than to make "Sonic Underground" an even more baffling experience – but, obviously, I'm watching shit in the order that actually makes sense. 

Picking up where we left off last time, Sleet and Dingo flee the sinking Flying Fortress with the Chaos Emerald. Proving there's no honor among thieves, Dingo then steals the emerald from Sleet. All he really achieves is dropping the emerald, shattering it. Breaking the emerald in two unleashes a wave of Chaos Energy around the entire planet, which begins to tear Mobius apart. Knuckles leads Sonic, Sonia, and Manic to his great-grandfather Athair, in hopes he'll have some answers. (Sleet, who promises to never betray Robotnik again if he retrieves the emeralds, is on their tails.) And Athair's answer is to team-up with Robotnik. 

The first part of the Chaos Emerald Crisis story worked because it was focused. There was a clear, defined threat – a giant floating war machine – and an easily understood way to stop it: Grab the Emerald. It was a logical way to bring Knuckles into the story and the last minute twist, of Sleet and Dingo's betrayal, added a compelling wrinkle. "No Hedgehog is an Island," unfortunately, did not take that lesson to heart. This is an episode with too much stuff happening. Sonic is separated from Knuckles and his siblings, for no meaningful reason, for most of the story. Sleet and Dingo's story splinters as well. Mostly, this episode's threat has no clear definition. When the emerald – one single, small emerald – is shattered, it causes all sorts of crazy shit to happen. Huge cracks open in the earth and then close. A tornado of green energy appears. Green light shoots out of the ground all over the world, sometimes causing trees to comically shoot into the air. The effects are truly random and that leaves us with a story without much focus. And what's better than a random solution to a random problem, such as when Manic transforms the aforementioned tornado into fireworks via the power of a bitchin' drum solo? Let's see Neil Peart do that. 

I also applauded the last episode for making Robotnik a creditable villain and for allowing Sleet and Dingo to show some competence. That goes right out the window in this episode. As the Flying Fortress falls, Robotnik throws a childish temper tantrum. Later, he pouts petulantly in his base, his master plan ruined. Further on, he allows Sleet to work for him again. Robotnik is supposedly ruthless but the fact that he keeps hiring this guy, despite his repeated failures and now a genuine insurrection, doesn't reflect well on Mobius' tyrant. Dingo betraying Sleet is a surprising moment but long overdue, considering the constant abuse the big orange guy puts up with. Yet that intrigue is immediately dropped by Dingo's incompetence causing an apocalyptic crisis, which is at least in-character. In short, after a decent half-hour of being effective villains, the bad guys go right back to being jokes. 

This episode gives Athair more of a role and, as I expected, he's another evasive mentor character. Knuckles goes to him for answers. He gives him a special urn that can safely hold the Chaos Emeralds, tells him to team up with Robotnik to save the world, and then refuses to elaborate further. There's potentially good reasons to form an alliance with Robotnik, as he has a whole planet's worth of resources at his disposal. But telling someone to work with the mad dictator who just tried to carpet bomb the entire planet earlier in the day, probably requires a little more information. Not on this show, where old wise dudes in robes are never to be doubted and can never be expected to give a straight fucking answer. 

Even though the plot has our heroes facing down a global apocalypse, we still have to make room for a song. And, boy, is it out-of-place this time. Wild Chaos Energy is literally tearing the planet apart, which has got Knuckles feeling understandably overwhelmed. Sonic, Sonia, and Manic launch into a punk song called "Learn to Overcome," which really does not feel like the best use of their time in this situation. As for the song itself, the built-in roughness allows me to forgive the questionable lyrics. At least there are loud guitars and drums, even if the "na na na nas" they throw in feel more like a pop thing than a punk thing. The music video sequence features Sonic, Sonia, and Manic with mohawks and facial piercings as well as scenes of them posing in a boxing ring. Which is pretty funny. 

Another thing holding this episode back is some not-too-grand animation. The scene where Sonia is trapped into a huge crack in the ground, nearly crushed by the fluctuating walls, is undermined by some serious off-model moments. Sonia's size shifts throughout the scene while her boobs swell to balloon proportions during one close-up. Later, when Dingo picks up the emerald shards and tries to force them back together, his skeleton starts to flash through his skin. This is lingered on, in repetitive fashion, for several seconds. Since we never see Dingo in this episode after that scene, it really makes it look like he died. Also, Knuckles is not consistently portrayed here. The shape of his face and size of his dreads and hands change several times. The tougher-than-leather echidna sure looks like an adorable puppy dog numerous times throughout this episode. 

Also, the title makes no goddamn sense. Knuckles is the conflicted character in this episode, not the triplets. They all have each other's backs. If the title is just a shitty pun, it also makes no sense, as the Floating Island does not appear in this twenty-one minutes. In other words, after a pretty decent start, the Chaos Emerald Crisis returns to the level of quality we expect from this cartoon. Fishes gotta swim, birds gotta fly, and "Underground's" gotta suck. Oh well. Maybe it'll end strong? [4/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.25: Flying Fortress

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.25: Flying Fortress

Original Air Date: October 1st, 1999

I've talked before about how the sole novelty of "Sonic Underground" was Knuckles. Looking back, it's kind of crazy that the second most popular character in the franchise – evident by him supporting his own comic book at the time – was only making his second animated in this lousy cartoon. While Knuckles' first appearance on "Underground" was pretty bad, his second was in a three-parter commonly known as the "Chaos Emeralds Crisis." This trilogy of episodes is the only time I can remember being invested in "Sonic Underground" or following it with any real excitement. And that kicks off with "Flying Fortress." 

Sonic, Sonia, and Manic are enjoying some downtime on the beach when Robotnik's most fearsome weapon yet emerges: The Flying Fortress is a massive, floating warship armed to the teeth. When Sonic infiltrates it, he's almost zapped by a green force field. The triplets quickly connect this with the Chaos Emerald and decide to go ask Knuckles for help. He's reluctant at first – especially after a vision of his great grandfather Athair appears to him – but he decides to help out. After making it onto the Fortress, the heroes attempt to grab the ship's Chaos Emerald power source... Only to discover that Sleet and Dingo have stolen it for themselves. 

"Flying Fortress" represents "Sonic Underground" at its least bullshitty. There's very little of the dumbass nonsense I associate with this show. Dingo isn't horrifically turned into some object, there are no hideously designed new characters, and Queen Alena doesn't appear at all. Robotnik is the primary antagonist of the episode. The plot is pretty clearly inspired by the third and fourth Genesis games, with the Flying Fortress even resembling the Death Egg. The scene where Sonic has to outrun the incinerating force field – in addition to resembling the various Advancing Walls of Doom in the games – actually manages to generate some mild suspense. Sonic having to team up with Knuckles to stop Robotnik from powering a weapon of mass destruction with a Chaos Emerald actually feels like something that should happen in a "Sonic" cartoon. 

Which isn't to say the episode doesn't have some of "Underground's" trademark bullshit in it. The animation is still hilariously awkward. Any time the characters leap through the air or fly, it looks bad. When the Flying Fortress abruptly starts to fall at the end, Robotnik floats up into the air in a goofy fashion. Knuckles tunnels through the walls of the Fortress in a very silly looking way. Sonia wears a bikini for the entire first half of the episode, which only highlights how clumsy her design is. (Her neck is tan but the rest of her body is maroon, making it look like she's wearing fuzzy spandex.) The most egregious step of the episode involves Robotnik, after leveling a forest and pinning the hedgehogs down into a cave, just flying away. There was a number of ways to have the heroes escape that scenario that didn't make the villain look like a dumbass. 

If "Sonic Underground" endures in fans' minds solely because Knuckles is in a few episodes, the "Chaos Emerald Crisis" trilogy has an even greater novelty to a more niche "Sonic" sub-fandom. This storyline marks the only time a character exclusive to the Archie Comic continuity crossed over to another medium. And it's Knuckles' great-grandfather, Athair, who I am absolutely certain was no one's favorite character. He doesn't resemble his comic book counterpart much. Instead of the weird Indian shaman get-up comic book Athair wears, cartoon Athair has on a blue robe, tiny green glasses, and carries a gold staff. He's yet another bossy mentor, appearing in a vision to give a vague warning. Which is a dumb trademark of this cartoon but also pretty close to the comic book version. Regardless, it still gives me a thrill to see an animated Knuckles talk to his "great-grandfather Athair." 

Also, there's some delicious irony in another piece of "Sonic" pulling a member of Knuckles' vast extended family from the comic book and it's the only one Ken Penders didn't create. ALSO also, Maurice LaMarche voices Athair – because of course he does – with a mediocre Sean Connery impersonation, exaggerated "s" pronunciation included. Despite the obviousness of that, for years IMDb listed the actual Sean Connery as voicing this role. I want to blame pranksters for that but it was probably just some dumbass editor who didn't know better. Though I do kind of want to live in a universe where screen legend Sean Connery, still an in-demand A-lister at the time, decided to voice a bit part on a shitty "Sonic the Hedgehog" cartoon.

Anyway... As I mentioned earlier, this is one of the few episodes of "Underground" where Robotnik is both present and the primary threat. The scene where he destroys a forest with the Fortress' firepower really emphasizes that he's a serious villain. (While also, mildly, recalling "SatAM's" ecological themes.) This means Sleet and Dingo taking the backseat roles of scheming lackies. They steal the Chaos Emerald to insure their own survival, knowing Robotnik doesn't need them anymore and that Robotnik disposes of things he doesn't need. This role suits the duo much better and actually threatens to make them into interesting characters. If these goons are just as scared of Robotnik as everyone else, it makes them sort of sympathetic. Which makes them sort of compelling. Or at least more compelling than their usual role of bumbling bad guys. 

If this is a good episode of "Underground," "good" is still a relative word here. We still have to stop the story dead to make room for a song. That occurs when Sonic and the gang arrive on the Floating Island and convince Knuckles to help out with the power of music. "No One is an Island" is, regrettably, an attempt at a reggae number. This includes Sonic singing with a bad "mon" voice, which is unfortunate. (The colors of the Rastafarian flag also appear on-screen, which is probably coincidence and not a reference to Knux's Jamaican origins.) Aside from the dodgy optics of that voice and some typically lazy lyrics, the song is more forgettable than odiously bad. The song sequence also include Sonic and the gang refusing to leave Knuckles alone, a comedic element out of place in an otherwise serious episode. 

Like I said, this can probably only be considered a decent cartoon by the very particular standards of this series. Yet it does show that, if "Sonic Underground" had actually attempted to be a straight-ahead action cartoon that took real cues from the video games more often, instead of whatever the fuck it normally does, it would've been a far more tolerable show. Will the rest of the "Chaos Emerald Crisis" be up to the level of its first installment? I guess I'll find out soon enough. [6/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.21: Dunes Day

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.21: Dunes Day

Original Air Date: September 27th, 1999

"Dunes Day” – admittedly one of the cleverer titles from this show – has Sonic, Sonia, and Manic heading into the Mobius desert. After their van gives out under the intense heat, they are attacked by SWATBots. That's when a brave band of local nomads, led by the sword-wielding Ifyoucan, appears to rescue them. Sonic is quickly selected by the nomads to join their tribe, surviving their initiation ritual. Yet Manic has his doubts about Ifyoucan's loyalties. Which are seemingly proven true when he discovers that the leader is seemingly half-roboticized...

Here of late, it seems like "Sonic Underground" can't go a single episode without including a questionable racial stereotype of some sort. The episode is obviously inspired by "Going Native" stories like "Lawrence of Arabia" or "Dune," where white guys meet up with a tribe of brave but primitive desert nomads, learn their ways, join their clan, and eventually becomes greater than any of the brown people. The racial politics of this story type has been well examined over the years. On one hand, the primitives are always depicted as brave, noble, and strong. Yet their ways are often savage, with some horrifying initiation ritual being par the course. This reveals the subtext of this story type, where different racial cultures are treated as terrifying outsiders that white folks must weather and master. 

Naturally, a "Sonic" cartoon adds a weird wrinkle to these questionable racial politics. Sonic is a hedgehog, not a white guy. Ifyoucan's tribe are made up of bizarre furry animals, not Arabs. (Ifyoucan himself appears to be a llama or goat or something.) Yet the nomads are clearly Arab-coded, from the thawbs they wear, to the belly-dancer at their camp, to the stereotypical Middle Eastern music that plays when they first come on-screen. Many of the "Going Native" plot points are maintained as well. Sonic is accepted into the tribe only after he survives a ritual, which is a struggle with a Sarlacc-esque man-eating plant beast in the desert. The tribe are fearsome warriors but this is clearly linked to their savage otherness. Which is also apparent in the scene where they almost kill Manic by abandoning him in the hottest part of the desert. Since this is a twenty-minute kids cartoon, and not a sprawling novel or film epic, there's no time for Sonic to become a better nomad than the actual nomads. Yet it still feels weird that this of all storylines is the one the show writers would choose to incorporate into their cartoon about a blue hedgehog who runs fast. 

The show's treatment of Ifyoucan and his countrymen is also hard to parse out. They get a big introduction, Ifyoucan slicing through SWATBots with a laser sword. (In yet another steal from "Star Wars," the nomads carry rifles that look a lot like the Tusken Raiders' weapons.) The finale of this episode is seven solid minutes of Sonic and his new friends tearing robots apart, with a spinning bolo also putting in an appearance. Yet other scenes paint Ifyoucan and his team as comical characters. First off, there's that weird fucking name, which is pronounce just like it's spelled. A later moment has Ifyoucan awkwardly climbing onto Sonic's shoulders and almost falling over when the hedgehog starts running. Other scenes portray his tribesmen as goofy bunglers. I don't get it, are we supposed to think these guys are cool or goofy? 

Then again, maybe I'm simply being too hard on this show. If you had to polish off an entire script in three and a half days, you'd probably stoop to recycling low-key racist plot points too. This might explain why some other plot points are underdeveloped. Manic's distrust towards Ifyoucan is never really focused on. When he discovers he's half-roboticized, it seems like that concern is well founded... But then it's revealed Ifyoucan maintains his free will and isn't a Robotnik spy. A possibly interesting plot point about being uncertain who you can trust is totally wasted, in favor of a flimsy moral about how making new friends is great. (New friends that try and kill your brother because of their archaic belief system, oops.)

This is a theme also reiterated in the episode's song. "True Blue Friend" has Sonic and his siblings expounding on how letting new friends into your life feels nice. The lyrics are mostly made up of repeating the title. The music, as you might expect, includes some vaguely Arabian drums and chanting. There's also a line about quicksand, which feels iffy. At least the song – which is utterly forgettable, having drifted out of my head less than a half hour after first hearing it – occurs at an appropriate place in the story. After being accepted into the tribe, the triplets play a song in celebration. Hey, that's actually a normal time to sing! 

There's also a few other weird things in this episode. During the big SWATBot massacre, Sonia takes one down simply by kicking it in the head. Once again attesting to Robotnik's pathetic abilities as a robot builder. Also, the episode concludes with Sleet and Dingo left wandering in the desert. Sleet turns his buddy into an umbrella to keep himself in the shade... That raises some questions. Dingo, even when transformed into a mundane object, is still a living and breathing person. He can die of sunstroke or dehydration just like anyone else. Does that mean Sleet would be perfectly willing to carry his friend's dead buddy around the desert? 

You'll have to excuse me if random brain droppings or reading way too deeply into the episode's racial politics are more interesting to me than actually discussing this deeply mediocre twenty-one minutes of television. But if you're still reading this blog, you're probably used to me doing this by now. [5/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.19: The Jewel of the Crown

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.19: The Jewel of the Crown

Original Air Date: September 23rd, 1999

I'm finally past the halfway point with "Sonic Underground" and it's only taken me three months to get there. You, the reader, won't realize this as I'm writing this review several months before it's scheduled to go up. Yet my habit of watching an episode of this show daily has slipped a lot. 2021 has been a year full of personal and emotional challenges. I'm not saying trying to watch and write about "Sonic Underground" everyday has added to my depression – though maybe I am? – but this has been a pretty tedious experience so far. Now, at least I'm far closer to the end than before.

"The Jewel of the Crown" begins with Manic piloting a mechanical/spying device into Robotnik's inner most chamber. He reveals a plan to retrieve Queen Alena's crown jewel, which has recently gone up for sale and supposedly glows the closer to the Queen it is. Dingo sits on the spy-bug just before the name of the merchant is revealed, forcing Sonic, Sonia, and Manic to track the guy down in the city of Emporium. They manage to grab the jewel and get it away from Sleet and Dingo. The flashing crystal does not lead them to their mom but into a more perilous situation instead. 

There's not a lot about "The Jewel of the Crown" that interests me but one scene was kind of funny. After hearing about the jewel, Sonic and his siblings discuss how they'll retrieve it. Since they don't have the funds to simply buy the jewel, Manic suggests stealing it. The others insist this is immoral... Before Sonic suggests that the Queen would never sell her crown, so it must've been stolen from her. A short debate follows about whether stealing a stolen item back, to return to its rightful owner, is morally right or not. The disconnect in this show's need to teach common sense values to kids while also having a kleptomaniac as a main character has never been more apparent. It's also kind of funny, the siblings bickering about ethics. Sadly, the moral logistics of ownership and theft is dropped soon afterwards. 

Mostly, "The Jewel of the Crown" strikes me as a sloppily written episode, even by the hastily scribbled standards of this show. After the heroes get their hands on the gem, it leads them into a weird tunnel in the jungle. They don't find their mom inside but a decoy with a camera. The tunnel is then reveled to be the innards of a massive carnivorous plant. Apparently, this was meant to be some sort of trap for Robotnik but I'm not sure how the hell this was supposed to work. It's repeatedly emphasized that the jewel only glows when it's near Alena. So why did it glow in proximity to this decoy? Since the Queen is always watching over her kids, why didn't she intervene when they stumbled into her trap? The jewel dealer, who was in on the whole thing, goes out of his way to not sell the jewel to Sleet and Dingo. Finally, why try and lead Robotnik into the belly of a giant plant? Why not just, I don't know, shoot him or something? 

The episode concludes by Sonic and his siblings talking about what a strategic genius their mom is but this is some real galaxy brain level planning here. Must Queen Alena do everything in the most convoluted, ass-backwards fashion possible? (Considering the final scene is Alena watching her kids from afar and monologing on fate and hope to nobody in particular, I'm thinking she really is a huge weirdo.) But we all know the real reason why this story doesn't make much sense: Mark Edens was under a ridiculous deadline and had to crank out and turn in whatever half-nonsensical script he could. This is why you don't force your creative team to write two episodes a week, kids. 

Yet its senseless last act is still not the weirdest thing about this episode. During the wacky chase through the city with Sleet and Dingo, Sonic defeats the duo by... Filling their vehicle full of olive oil? This scene is then followed by the two wolves splashing around in the slimy substance. The fact that it's explicitly specified to be olive oil, and not just water or mud or whatever, is weird. Later, while escaping the giant plant, the duo are again covered and smothered, this time by some sort of tree sap. This is at least the second episode to feature sequences like this. I hate to always assume that "Sonic" cartoons are made by perverts but it's increasingly looking like someone who worked on "Sonic Underground" had a "gunge" fetish, a paraphilia that genuinely grosses me out. Well, at least it wasn't feet this time... 

The cherry on this dumb, messy sundae is another soul-crushing song. The city of Emporium seems inspired by Indian culture. There's a weird crab-like snake charmer with cobras with antenna. Everyone wears turbans. Just to make sure this is more offensive, Sonic and the gang perform a crudely "Indian" musical number, with painful vocals and melodies. "The Cosmic Dance" has lyrics referencing yoga, laying on a bed of nails, and MC Hammer pants. Sonic and Manic put on turbans while Sonia slinks around in a belly dancer outfit. I suppose there are worst stereotypes the show could've included – thankfully, nobody drives a cab or reference call centers – but this is still pretty unfortunate. A visually obnoxious hourglass filter is placed over nearly the entire number, making it hard to look at as well as listen to.

The only other thing I can think to say  about this episode is that there are several weirdly fluid moments of animation, alongside more typically twitchy cartooning. I don't know why that is. Anyway, it's another dreadful twenty-one minutes. But at least I only have eighteen more of these left to go. [4/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.15: Sonic Tonic

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.15: Sonic Tonic

Original Air Date: September 17th, 1999

So Robotnik is scorching a jungle to the ground to find a rare specimen known as the Velocitree. No, that's not a feathered predatory dinosaur that's also a tree. It's the fastest growing tree on Mobius. Robotnik processes the plant into a potion, a Sonic Tonic, that is supposed to increase speed. He gives it to Sleet and Dingo and it works. They use their newfound super speed to capture Sonic. Soon, a side-effect – massive swelling of the feet – reveals itself, allowing Sonic to escape with the potion. Unaware of the side effect, Manic and Sonia take the potion. It all ends with a showdown at the Hanging Gardens of Mobius, a fancy tourist attraction the Queen built for her kids.

"Sonic Tonic" is an episode that can't seem to decide where to take its premise. It has, essentially, three set-ups. The first of which involves Sonic facing enemies who are fast as him, a totally cromulent premise for an episode. This only last for the first half, as the episode then turns towards the idea of Sonia and Manic being jealous of Sonic's speed. Again, that by itself would be a fine place to start a story. Then there's the location of the Hanging Gardens, now ruined by Robotnik's abuse of the world. This could have been built into a moral about environmentalism but it the show doesn't go anywhere with that. All these competing ideas result in a very unfocused half-hour.

The intended Moral of the Day revolves around Sonia and Manic's jealousy of Sonic. You know this because the episode ends with them apologizing for not listening to Sonic and Sonic apologizing, in turn, for mocking their slowness in the first place. I guess the moral is "respect your siblings." But, again, it feels very half-formed. Manic and Sonia have never shown any desire to be as fast as their brother before. Some episodes have depicted them as having similar speed naturally! Sonic's teasing was kind of a dick move and, for this moral to make sense, he should've been chastised more. Instead, the jerk was right and the younger siblings trying to even the playing field are corrected. What was the point supposed to be again? Maybe a show about a super fast hedgehog isn't the practical place to dispense common sense everyday life lessons. 

But this is far from the only half-assed leaps in logic in this episode. There is other evidence that nobody thought this through. In the second scene, Robotnik refers to the Velocitree as the last of its kind... Before going to look for more specimens of it later in the episode. It's not clear why the Sonic Tonic works the way it does. Why does "fastest-growing tree" translate to "makes you super-fast?" Shouldn't the giant feet be the only, and immediate, effect? Later, the tonic causes the Hanging Garden to replenish itself in minutes. Which is a more logical example of how this should work. It's just another episode that stinks of an "it's 1 A.M. and this script is due tomorrow morning" attitude.

I'll say this much though: The song that results actually isn't too bad. Sonia and Manic sing a song about wanting to be as fast as Sonic right before taking the tonic. "I Wish I Could Go Faster" has less repetitive lyrics than usual and even one or two rhymes that aren't totally asinine. Whoever Sonia and Manic's singing voices are, they are slightly less nasally and annoying than Sonic's singing voice. The music also reminds me of a little bit of nineties power-pop/alt-rock, which is a decent sound for a "Sonic" musical to emulate. Weezer could do a solid cover of this. Granted, the song is only "not bad" by the standards of this show's terrible soundtrack but that still counts for something.

You might have noticed that I've been ignoring the most salacious element of this episode. For the Sonic Tonic to work, one must pour it on their... Feet. When the side effects kick in, we get multiple scenes of feet growing, exploding out of shoes, and throbbing in agony. There's more than one lingering shot of soles and twitching toes. At least when the "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" writers and animators indulged their fetishes, it was wacky and kind of funny. "Sonic Underground" letting its freak flag fly just feels exhausting. Everything about this show is so boring and half-assed. Even its kinks are uninteresting, disappointing, and mildly uncomfortable.

Also, there's a scene where Dingo is turned into a telescope or something and Sonic looks through him and... It works correctly. I'm really unsettled by the implications of that. You're telling me that, when Dingo is turned into an object, even his internal organs are shifted into functional machinery? Dingo's life must be unending pain. And so is my life, as long as I have to keep watching and reviewing this terrible cartoon. I do it for you, dear reader. Anyway, this episode sucks. [4/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.11: Winner Fakes All

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.11: Winner Fakes All

Original Air Date: September 13th, 1999

Long time Hedgehogs Can't Swim readers are probably aware of the fact that I bank reviews many months in advance. An extensive backlog insures a steady flow of new content. Or, at least, this is the idea. The periods of inactivity this blog has had in the past can be owed to me running out of stuff to post. Why am I mentioning this? Because I've been reviewing episodes at a much slower rate than I was previously. I can attribute this to “Sonic Underground” being a really unpleasant show to watch. “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” was frequently stupid as hell but I at least had some weird nostalgic connection to it. “Underground” is like getting your teeth drilled. The point I'm making is: If the updates suddenly stop again, you'll know it's because “Sonic Underground” broke me.

So, uh, anyway.. What is “Winner Fakes All” about? Manic, Sonic, and Sonia stop a truck hulling innocent Mobians into the city to be roboticized. Upon freeing the prisoners – who don't even thank them – they realize Robotnik has been capturing runners. That's because he's building a super-fast robot. This is step one in holding a race to determine the fastest thing on Mobius, an obvious trap to lure Sonic out. Sonic doesn't take the bait but his brother and sister assume he will, putting themselves in danger. 

I've commented before that “Sonic Underground” was pretty heavily influenced by “SatAM,” at least as far its world and general premise goes. This would lead you to assume the “Underground” writers were passingly familiar with the previous cartoon. I guess this is not true of Mark Edens, the writer of this episode. As “Winner Fakes All” is rather similar to the “SatAM” episode, “Sonic Racer.” In both, Robotnik throws a race to lure Sonic out. In both, he builds a super fast robot, to match the hedgehog's speed. Much like in that episode, Sonic also throws on a disguise to enter the race. (Here, he's in drag, because this show just has to be like this.)

Then again, maybe Edens was familiar with the previous cartoon. While its initial premise is very similar to “Sonic Racer,” the episode goes in a very different direction from there. Sonic opting out of the race is, at least, something different for that character. However, it ends up leaving the episode with little in the way of stakes. Okay, Manic and Sonia end up being in danger, by presuming their brother will be in trouble. Sonic has to rush in and save them, in an extended action scene. Yet a large part of “Winner Fakes All's” run time is still devoted to this race... A race that has no importance to the actual story. Sonic isn't participating and the outcome doesn't matter at all. It's just weird that the episode focuses so much time on this irrelevant event.

Then again, maybe I've got the wrong idea. Maybe “Winner Fakes All” isn't suppose to be suspenseful or compelling or interesting. Instead, perhaps this is suppose to be a funny episode. There's a lot of surreal, mildly obnoxious attempts at humor here. When Sonic puts together his gender-bending disguise, he races into a salon and spins everyone inside around. Sleet wears a baby bonnet in one scene, for poorly explained reasons. Later, he transforms Dingo into a little girl in a dress on some sort of motorized unicycle. Before the race starts, a SWATBot rockets into the air and explodes. Bartleby, Sonia's sometimes boyfriend, is repeatedly made an object of mean-spirited mockery here. He's left with a fucked-up hair-do in the salon and later gets Robotnik's race-bot – who looks like a turtle, presumably as some sort of half-assed reference to the Tortoise and the Hare – dropped on him. These jokes range from badly timed to utterly meaningless. 

Perhaps the most blatant example of the episode's random sense of humor is its musical number. Once Sonic realizes what is happening – that Sonia and Manik have put themselves in danger ostensibly to save him – he goes speeding off to save the day. The musical montage that follows is, for no particular reason, set to a bluegrass number. Bluegrass is a wonderful genre of music that is, too often, reduced to an annoying stereotype of hee-hawing noise. That's, naturally, what we get here. Also, included in this montage is a truly unnecessary shout-out to Marilyn Monroe and “The Seven Year Itch.” 

It's not the most offensive, annoying, or outright bad episode of “Sonic Underground” I've watched thus far. The animation and character work is typically bad, a fact that barely feels worth commenting on anymore. Honestly, “Winner Fakes All” is almost impressive in how it manages to be both pretty weird and incredibly boring. I guess we can credit this to a story largely devoid of dramatic tension, that the writer attempted to bolster with lots of wacky humor. As with everything to do with this show, it's an abject failure. I've just got to power through, uh, 27 more of these. [4/10]

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.07: The Deepest Fear

Sonic Underground, Episode 1.07: The Deepest Fear

Original Air Date: September 7th, 1993

Despite the name of this blog, I don't take the idea of Sonic being unable to swim very seriously. Lots of media depict him as having no trouble with water. Considering how strong his legs are from all that running, it doesn't even make sense that Sonic can't swim. Yet, because Yuji Naka was operating under the mistaken belief that real hedgehogs really can't swim, that is Sega's official statement on the matter. In the games, Sonic just sinks to the bottom when stepping into water. (Presumably because drowning made an innovative hazard and programming a swimming action would've been really hard.) Most "Sonic" media doesn't comment on this but "Underground" exaggerated the hedgehog's inability to swim into full-on hydrophobia. That fear took center stage in "The Deepest Fear."

The royal triplets hear their mother may be hanging around Port Mobius, a port town. This is a problem for Sonic, who has a deep rooted fear of the water. When they arrive, they discover that the entire town is faithful to Robotnik. That's because the residents of Port Mobius live in fear of a sea monster called Moby Deep, who has been sinking their ships, and Robotnik promises to protect them. Pursued by Sleet and Dingo, the trio meet up with Captain Squeegee, captain of a cruise ship. Squeegee hopes to hunt down Moby Deep and stop it. Sonic soon discovers that the real Moby Deep is docile and that a Robotnik submarine shaped like the monster is responsible for the sinkings. In the process, he faces his fear. 

Once again, the promise of meeting their mom is just the shallowest excuse to send the hedgehogs on an unrelated adventure. (Turns out Queen Alena is the name of the fucking ship, that hoary cliche.) The whole sea monster premise/"20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" homage really is the least interesting idea here. More intriguing is the idea of a town that actually likes Robotnik. It makes sense. As we all know, fascists always have their true believers. Showing how dictators play on the public's fears to stay in power is a great idea this cartoon would never explore. But throwing Sonic, Sonia, and Manic into a place where they aren't welcome would've, at least, been a decent set-up for an episode. Alas, Port Mobius is left behind soon after it's introduced and the focus turns towards the seafaring business. 

Like most "Underground" episode, this one has a ham-fisted moral. Sonic's fear of water has been referenced since the second episode, so I guess it was inevitable a whole story would be built around it. At first, his fear is so serious that he has elaborate nightmares about it and even gets nervous when crossing a small bridge. Yet, later, the hedgehog has no problem leaping around the ocean or utilizing an improvised jet ski. So which is it, "Sonic Underground?" Is Sonic deathfully afraid of water or can he shake it off? 

When Sonic meets Moby Deep, he turns out to be not-so-bad. The beast isn't the tentacled Kraken-like entity Sonic imagines in his dream. Moby Deep is just a big whale. Contrary to the legend, he's actually afraid of boats. To emphasize this point, Garry Chalk takes a break from voicing Robotnik to give Moby an Eeyore-like voice. Obviously, the idea here is that Sonic's fear isn't so bad once he faces it head-on. But, as I'm sure you've noticed, something about this metaphor doesn't really connect. Sonic's fear of Moby Deep was just an extension of his hydrophobia, which he never really addresses. At the end, there's even a line suggesting Sonic only might've overcome his phobia. (Presumably in case future writers wanted to abuse that character trait more.) The moral is horribly half-assed, is my point. 

There I go actually examining the show on a thematic level. How silly of me to assume the story would be good or the cast would be treated with respect. Let's talk about more pragmatic matters, like how ugly the character designs are. Everyone in "Sonic Underground" looks gross or weird. The residents of Port Mobius are more of the hideous alien slug creatures that make up this show's background characters. Dingo has his body morphed into several mundane objects – a sheet, a door, a buoy – in typically uncomfortable fashion. Yet Captain Squeegee really is next level, as far as unappealing visuals go. He's a literal sponge, his body covered with holes and jutting out at awkward angles. His eyes float on little stalks, at the side of his face. He absorbs water, his body expanding, which has to be one of the grosser superpowers I’ve seen recently. Even that name, Captain Squeegee, lingers on the tongue in the most unpleasant way. He might be the ugliest character on a show full of hideous designs. 

There was about three minutes left in this episode before I realized “Oh wait, there hasn’t been a song yet.” I naively hoped we might actually get through a full half-hour without an embarrassing musical number. No such luck. Befitting the setting, the "Sonic Underground" song writers tried their hands at a sea shanty. "Face Your Fears" is, predictably, dreadful. But not for the reasons you expect. I'm sure the lyrics are terrible but I couldn't hear them over the atrocious production. The jangly, obnoxious music drowns everything out. The attempt to approximate a sea shanty is an annoyingly ramshackle melody. It's bad though I'm not sure it's as bad as some of the other songs, simply because it's so poorly mixed it doesn't even register as music. 

I'll give "The Deepest Fear" this much: It's bad in a way that's kind of funny. When a shot of Sonic racing up a lighthouse's spiral staircase is simply reversed, to show him running back down it, I laughed. Captain Squeegee's whole existence or shit like the Ahab-inspired opening nightmare are so bizarre as to become entertaining. That's more than most episodes of this show have thus far accomplished. Unintentional entertainment value is better than no entertainment value at all. [5/10]