Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.64: Robo-Ninjas

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.64: Robo-Ninjas

Original Air Date: November 29, 1993

America's cultural fascination with ninjas is a fairly recent one. The roots of our (patronizing at-best, horribly racist at-worst) fixation on Asian mysticism dates back to the late 1800s, evolving through the Charlie Chans and Fu Manshus, before climaxing with Bruce Lee and the martial arts movie boom of the 1970s. It was inevitable that the ninja, those mysterious assassins of Feudal Japan, would appeal to a country hungry for Asian exoticism and elaborate asskickery. (The ninja is so mysterious that almost everything we associate with them is bullshit.) A horde of ninja movies, video games, and comic books would appear in the eighties. The massive popularity of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would extend this already juvenile fascination even further into the decade of my youth. Considering the "Sonic" franchise modeled certain aspects of itself after the TMNT, it's not surprising that "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would eventually attempt to put its own spin on whatever passes for "ninjas" over here. 

Which brings us to episode sixty-four of the show, "Robo-Ninjas." Scratch and Grounder set up another easily foiled trap for Sonic and Tails. After this inevitably fails to work, the robots stumble upon a wandering martial arts master named Kwan Chang Crane. Robotnik witnesses Crane easily defeat his minions and gets an idea. He captures Crane and pumps his knowledge into Scratch and Grounder's heads. This makes them "Robo-Ninjas," threats so dangerous that Sonic is nearly overwhelmed. Soon, Sonic and Tails encounter Grasshopper, Crane's student, and set out to rescue him.

The Sonic News Network Wiki page for this episode notes that it was not shown on Toon Disney for "unknown reasons." I'm pretty sure I've figured out what those reasons are: This cartoon is kind of racist! First off, Kwai Chang Crane and Grasshopper are parodies of the TV show "Kung-Fu." That was a show about Chinese martial arts while the ninja is a Japanese concept. That's far from the worst part. Crane spouts nonsensical, faux-Asian philosophical statements throughout, a dicey gag. Mostly, this episode is really uncomfortable because of the fake Asian lisps the voice actors affect. Yes, after being zapped with Crane's knowledge, Scratch and Grounder begin to speak with very poor chop-sockey accents. Sonic is not spared from this offense either. He refers to  "chow main" and egg fu young as martial arts style and puts on Crane's rice-patty hat in the final scene. 

It's all really uncomfortable, to say the least! Having your cartoon characters dress up as ninjas is one thing but having everyone do audio yellow face, while cracking cultural insensitive wordplay, is another. The episode quickly approaches Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast at Tiffany's" territory. And, ya know, it didn't have to be this bad. With a little tinkering, this script actually could've been subversive. Robotnik looks at the Asian philosophy Crane espouses and only sees another form of butt-kicking. He's totally unwilling to understand what the martial arts master actually means. Moreover, Scratch and Grounder adopt Asian mannerisms but inevitably make fools of themselves. This could've been an episode making fun of assholes who fixate on their shallow understandings of Chinese and Japanese disciplines, who see a style and not a culture. Instead, it falls back on offensive stereotypes for easy jokes. 

And, ya know, If it wasn't for the casual racism... This probably would've been a good episode. The ninja gimmick gives Scratch and Grounder an actual power boost. They successfully catch Sonic off-guard in one scene. They even see through his old disguise set-up. A flurry of shurikens run Sonic and Tails off. Another moment has Tails nearly being captured. A pair of enemies that Sonic has humiliated countless times suddenly overpowering him is a pretty good idea for an episode! You could've done this exact same set-up without the embarrassing ninja cosplay and all the cultural baggage it brings with it. 

It's not just the idea that could've been salvaged here. "Robo-Ninjas" actually has some funny jokes in it. Kwai Chang Crane's philosophical mish-mush is a Not Okay indulging of Asian stereotypes... But the way it continuously baffles Robotnik is kind of funny. The doctor asking Crane to clarify one of his parables got a laugh out of me. So did a moment where Coconuts asks Sonic if he thinks he's stupid, the hedgehog replying with a blunt "Yes." On the other hand, this episode relies on the "Sonic puts on a wacky disguise" gag too much. He does that five times in this episode, including a really random moment where he dresses up as Beethoven, I guess. 

Honestly, the racial stereotypes this episode indulges in makes me so uncomfortable, that I feel like I'm probably not qualified to write about it. We really need some Asian-American "Sonic" nerds to weigh in on this one. And, Jesus Christ, "Sonic" is a Japanese franchise! Couldn't the show runners have asked someone at Sega if this was okay? Or at least had them clarify that kung-fu and ninjas are from two different countries! And I'm not even really mad at this specific episode – the "AoSth" writers were, as always, too rushed and lazy to worry about things like racism – so much as I'm mad at the entire culture that let casually dehumanizing shit like this happen in the first place. Anyway, I'll reel in my guilty white conscience and just rate this one a great big ol' [oof/10]. 

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.32: Momma Robotnik's Return

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.32: Momma Robotnik's Return

Original Air Date: October 4th, 1993

Continuity wasn't really a concern with "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog." You can watch this show in almost any order and it'll make perfect sense to you. (Which is basically what I'm doing, since the airing order is radically different from the production order.) Most of the one-shot gag characters were exactly that. They showed up once and were never seen again. However, the writers of the show were clearly amused by Robotnik's domineering mother. 23 episodes after "Momma Robotnik's Birthday," they would bring her back in "Momma Robotnik's Return." Her second appearance would air only five episodes after her first one, making it seem like the show was really fond of her. 

This episode begins with a peek at the retirement home Momma is in. In a decent gag, it has barb wire, ten foot tall walls, and watch towers. This still doesn't stop Momma just smashing through those walls and walking right out. Disgusted with her own son's incompetence, Momma Robotnik decides she's going to try her hand at stopping Sonic. Her plan involves adopting the hedgehog as her legal ward and forcing him to be her slave, with an imprisoned and threatened Tails as the bargaining chip. Robotnik is none-too-pleased with being evicted from his fortress by his own mom, and plots to regain power. 

"Momma Robotnik's Birthday" revealed that the show's rotund villain has an abusive relationship with his own mother. In her return, his mom commits the ultimate sin against her child: Complete abandonment. She disowns him and, in a round about way, replaces him with a superior offspring in the form of Sonic. (Who, at least, quickly completes the tasks Momma asks of him.) Scratch and Grounder even seem to like Momma better, probably on account of her being slightly less cruel to them. I think a lot of kids have had this fear, that they could disappoint their own parents so badly that they could cease to be loved. It gives us further insight into Robotnik's psyche, that his mom is so wretched that she would actually go through with this threat. In this light, it becomes clear that his massive ego is a defense mechanism and his incompetence is probably a self-defeating inner flaw. This is what happens when your mom doesn't actually love you. 

But we must face the fact that Robotnik's mom is legitimately a better villain than him. Her plot to adopt Sonic and blackmail him into becoming her slave, of course, would not work anywhere besides the cartoonishly absurd "AoStH" universe. Yet it does works. The Robotnik empire not only looses its greatest enemy but gains a hyper competent servant. She also has the simple solution of putting shackles on Tails' tails, to keep him from flying. Which seems like an obvious solution, in retrospect. She also proves that Scratch and Grounder can be useful minions if not constantly treated like shit. With Sonic under her control, she successfully activates Robotnik's latest plan: A radio tower that makes every machine on Mobius a potential tool of Robotnik. (A plot point that is never actually resolved, because this show can never be anything but sloppy.)

Robotnik's mom does come closer to defeating Sonic than he ever did... Which makes it sort of funny that Sonic doesn't even have to save the day in this episode. His "adoption" by Momma Robotnik is annulled when the big guy informs the government specialist – a skunk with a literal beehive hairdo, har har – that his mom is a piece of shit. Robotnik and Coconuts eventually take back the tower, his mom goes back to the fortified nursing home, and the status quo is reinforced. Sonic and Tails could have done absolutely nothing and this episode would have ended the exact same way. This is not the first time I've suspected the writers of this show were way more interested in Robotnik's antics than the heroics of the titular hedgehog.

Considering a free agent superhero has to protect people around the whole planet, I've never gotten the impression that much of a legal system exists on Mobius. Apparently not. In what feels like a "Sonic Says" segment inserted into the middle of the episode, Sonic tells Tails to obey the laws, that they are there for a reason. Afterwards, Sonic is served to appear in court and forcibly adopted by Momma Robotnik, something I'm not sure is legal anywhere. This suggests Mobius has a pretty fucked up and incompetent legal system. No wonder the planet is in such disarray! 

Even though the episode depicts laws that are immoral and weird, "Sonic Says" still has the hedgehog emphasizing that you should obey the law. Ya know, I actually got mildly angry for two minutes that this garbage cartoon would turn an obvious anti-authoritarian hero like Sonic into a shill for "law and order." But I guess an educational segment about direct action and civil disobedience probably wouldn't fit into a 30 second end-of-shown block.

In this rambling review, I guess I never actually mention whether "Momma Robotnik's Return" is a decent episode or not. Eh, it's okay. Momma Robotnik is still a rather terrifying antagonist, because of her disquieting appearance and growling voice. (Though the animators at least shaved her mustache this time.) One or two lines from Scratch and Grounder, during the transition of power, made me chuckle. Coconuts continues to be My Poor Oppressed Boy, as Robotnik's mom is just as inexplicable cruel to him as her son. The slapstick continues to be unimpressive but this episode is, I guess, a little less dumb than the usual installment of this show.

This is not the last time Robotnik's horrible mom appears on this show, so look forward to more (secretly sarcastic? I'll never tell) insight into the psychological trauma of these goofy-ass characters. Anyway, I'd probably give this one a six if it wasn't for that whack "Sonic Says" moral. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.09: Momma Robotnik's Birthday

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.09: Momma Robotnik's Birthday

Original Air Date: September 27th, 1993

Nowadays, Sega has an explicit rule that "Sonic" tie-in media cannot depict blood relatives of Sega-created "Sonic" cast members. Ostensibly, this is so Sega can keep their characters' origins vague, least a defined backstory interfere with their statuses as corporate mascots. It's also probably so the company doesn't end up in another embarrassing legal fracas, that ends with some weirdo owning the rights to Knuckles' daughter. Nineties "Sonic" tie-in media, on the other hand, was filled with various relatives. The comic were heavy with parents, offspring, and the occasional uncle. The third animated series revolves around Sonic having two siblings. An early manga gave Sonic a little sister. And "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would even extend this to Robotnik, as several episodes would feature the villain's equally wicked mother. 

"Momma Robotnik's Birthday" revolves around exactly that. After escaping the nursing home she was in, the doctor's rotund mother marches into his base and demands a birthday present. Her first wish is to have an entire park destroyed, as it obscures the view from her bedroom window. After Sonic shows up and saves the day, her new wish becomes to destroy the hedgehog once and for all. In order to facilitate this, Robotnik cooks up a scheme to kidnap Tails and have Sonic run through a park full of deadly traps.

 

"AoStH" would introduce several unintentionally terrifying characters over its run. However, I think Momma Robotnik is terrifying completely on purpose. She looks to be about nine feet tall and can stride through walls with ease. Physically, she's almost an exact match for her son, including the large orange mustache. (Tails actually mistakes her for a crossdressing Robotnik in one scene.) The character designers saw fit to give Momma Robotnik a matronly bust, including disturbingly detailed cleavage. Robotnik's mom speaks with a husky growl, to complete her unnerving presence. Large, obnoxious women were a common comedic trope in the early nineties — this was, after all, when Roseanne was at her maximum power — but "AoStH" managed to create a truly nightmarish example. 

Another common comedic trope among lazy kids media like this is to have the big bad emasculated by a nagging wife or an overpowering mother. So, yes, of course Momma Robotnik is abusive towards her son. She smacks him with her umbrella repeatedly and threatens him with physical violence more than once. During a flashback to Robotnik's childhood — where he is depicted as an anime-eyed blob creature — we see his mother seemingly kept him in a cage. Robotnik, to continue the lazy comedic dynamic, puts up with his mom's abuse, kowtowing to her outrageous demands, and frequently regressing to a childish persona in her presence. 

Last review, I noted that Scratch and Grounder's relationship with Robotnik resembles a needy child with an abusive parent. Now, we learn that Robotnik did not come into this habit on his own. He too is a child desperate to please an abusive, emotionally manipulative parent. He always strives to make her happy but receives only scorn and violence in return. Despite his own proud history of villainy, he's reduced to a cowering child whenever she's around. This is just a dumbass show making dumbass jokes but it accidentally created a compelling example of how the cycle of abuse repeats. I bet if Momma Robotnik ever had a "better" child, she would abandon Robotnik too. 

A more intentional message inside this episode is the environmental one. I've commented frequently on the "Save the Earth" ethos that was common in early "Sonic" comics and cartoons. While "AoStH" never touched on that theme the way "SatAM," it tries a little here. Robotnik sends robots armed with poison gas to strip a park full of (peppermint patterned, for some reason) trees. Sonic steps in and stops the deforestation, not so much because he speaks for the trees, but to defeat the baddy. Yet the message remains clear. Making it even more obvious is the Sonic Says segment, where our hedgehog gives a little speech about pollution and planting trees. We were so obsessed with saving the environment in the early nineties that even garbage cartoons like this felt the need to comment on it. 

All of that aside, "Momma Robotnik's Birthday" does prove to be more amusing than your average episode of "Adventures." A gag where Sonic sets up a fake game show to fool Scratch and Grounder made me chuckle, due to how well the cartoon apes the language of that genre. After Tails is captured, and he's hung upside down in a spooky graveyard, he deadpans that he's in "so much trouble." Still, this show being the absurd nightmare it is, there's still lots of stupid or gross shit too. A gag devoted to Sonic's attempt to chew a chili dog, which ends with him forking his own tongue, is unnervingly fleshy. A later moment where a teddy bear grows into a multi-headed monstrosity featured more body horror than a kid show like this needed. Gags involving robot chili pots, Coconuts speaking with a Cajun accent, or Robotnik being stuck in mud are painfully unfunny. There's also a noticeable animation flub, where Sonic speaks without moving his mouth.

Oh no, I caught myself complaining about "Adventures" being dumb or unfunny again. There's no point in doing that. Like how there's no need to point out how nonsensical it is that Robotnik correctly identifies Sonic in a disguise this time, when he's never been able to before. Or the odd ending, which features an ambulance shaped like a dog's head sliding into frame without any wheels at all. Let's just be grateful that this cartoon made me laugh once or twice, instead of just annoying or distressing me. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.17: Over the Hill Hero

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.17: Over the Hill Hero
Original Air Date: September 13th, 1993

Let's leap right in this time. “Over the Hill Hero” begins with Scratch and Grounder dropping sneezing bombs – that would be a bomb that causes sneezing – on an innocent random village. As Sonic and Tails attempt to save the day, they are interrupted by Captain Rescue. That would be an overweight superhero raccoon who fights crime with his tricked-out utility belt. However, Captain Rescue has seen better days and is as much a nuisance as an assistance. Meanwhile, Robotnik creates a new invention: An impenetrable force field he intends to encase Sonic inside of. He actually succeeds in capturing the hedgehog, forcing Tails to seek out Captain Rescue for help.

The nineties were a very particular time for superheroes. It was an era when darker and edgier heroes were extremely successful. During this time, the gun-totting, pouch-covered steroid abusers in “X-Force” and Spawn, a literal soldier from Hell, were some of the most popular characters in comic shops. Companies and labels like Image and Vertigo, packed with gore and sex and poopoo fuck words, were best-sellers. Stalwarts like Batman, Captain America, Wonder Woman, and Iron Man were replaced with more violent counterparts. Green Lantern went berserk, Aquaman had his arm eaten off by piranhas, and Superman fucking died. Everybody was a clone. It was a dark, poorly drawn time.

During this era, traditionally wholesome heroes were not to be respected. It was this atmosphere that “Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog” launched “Over the Hill Hero” into the word. See, Sonic might hardly be in the same league as the Punisher or Youngblood but he was still a good guy largely defined by his attitude. Heroic archetypes, the type that clearly inspired Captain Rescue, were to be mocked and belittled. This is exactly what the show does, though the script – and Sonic along with it – eventually comes around to respecting the guy. He's still depicted as fat, out-of-touch, and slightly pathetic. Sometimes this is funny, such as the reveal that he lives in a trailer park (with his superhero rocket underneath), but usually it's just batting at low-hanging fruit.

While its set-up is not especially unique or interesting, “Over the Hill Heroes” earns points for almost having an actual plot. Robotnik's plan is a little more detailed than just causing chaos and trying to smash Sonic. Captain Rescue's redemptive arc also provides a little more meat for the plot. (Gary Chalk, already around voicing Grounder, gets to utilize his more traditionally heroic baritone as the superhero.) There's also a couple of jokes that made me laugh. Such as Scratch and Grounder, when accused by Robotnik of failing once again, clarify that they “succeeded in a negative kind of way.” Or Grounder asking why Scratch got sinuses and he didn't. Sonic's once-an-episode disguise has him dressing up as a general and barking off a list of endless specifications. And, as always, Long John Baldry's gloating as Robotnik is amusingly hammy.

This only last for so long, before the episode collapses into subpar slapstick. This is almost what literally happens, as Robotnik's reasonable scheme degrades before too long into mindless destruction. Most of the gags here do not inspire too many chuckles. Extremely pedestrian jokes like Captain Rescue's pants falling down, Robotnik being repeatedly spun through the air, or Scratch and Grounder tripping and accidentally smooshing the doctor.

This is another episode with disturbingly fleshy animation. The sneezing bombs Scratch and Grounder drop literally sneeze, the missiles growing mouths. This same thing happens to the blimps they fly around in. Which is kind of gross. So are the sub-humanoid, Popeye-like creatures that inhabit the imperiled village. Later, Sonic spins the robots into the shape of balling pins and Robotnik lifts up the background like a curtain. It's this elastic, casual disregard for physics that makes this show, ya know, pretty hard to take seriously. (The animation just kind of blows in general. The fight scene between Captain Rescue and the minions is incredibly stiff. Sonic is stuck in a weird, dinosaur-like pose in one shot.)

We do learn some notable things about the world of Mobius in this episode though. The one village the heroes protect is called Hill Top, a rare reference to the actual video games. Captain Rescue has apparently operated as a superhero for some time – Robotnik had an action figure of him as a kid – so Sonic is not the first of his kind. (Why Rescue wasn't around to resist Robotnik's take-over of the world, I don't know.) Also, regular old guns are seen in a flashback, making me wonder why Robotnik doesn't just shoot people more often. Mobius apparently utilizes the Greco-Roman calendar, as Rescue references the year 1964. Oh, and solar power is seemingly a common feature on this world, as Robotnik wants to hijack a solar powered satellite. Which is nice.

Alright, how about that sweet edu-tainment content? Our “Sonic Says” segment this week has Tails and Captain Rescue being lost in the woods. An elderly woodchuck or something informs them that moss on a tree always faces north. And apparently continuing on a north path leads you out of the woods. This is not the intended advice of the segment. (It's also not true. Don't take life-saving advice from cartoon characters, kids.) Instead, the lesson to learn here is to respect your elders and listen to their wisdom, a theme carried over from the episode itself. Never mind that old people are full of shit all the damn time... It truly is interesting the knowledge this cartoon tried to impart on little kids back in the days.

So it's another fairly mediocre, middle-of-the-road “Adventure.” I'm expecting a lot more episodes of this quality before I'm through with this thing. The most interesting thing about “Over the Hill Hero” is that, if Ian Flynn and I had traded places at some point, I totally would've found an excuse to use Captain Rescue in the post-reboot comic book somehow. Just for fun-sies. [5/10]