Sonic and the Secret Rings

Sonic and the Secret Rings
Publication Date: February 2017

As the song goes, Christmas time is here. I always like to do something off-beat for the holidays. Last year, I bought myself “Sonic 1/4” as a Christmas present for myself and reviewed it for you guys, which was really more of an excuse to talk about the history of Archie’s “Sonic” comic again. This year, I decided to do something similar. That’s right, once again I filled a gap in my “Sonic” comic collection and am using the most tenuous of connections to make it a Christmas update. Happy holidays, assholes.

So what was this year’s “Sonic”-themed Christmas present to myself? Let me explain. In 2007, Sega released “Sonic and the Secret Rings” for the Nintendo Wii. This game would launch a new spin-off series known as the Storybook series. In both Wii exclusive titles, Sonic is dropped into the world of a public domain fantasy book, where his friends and enemies assume the identities of the various iconic characters contained within. “Secret Rings” would plop Sonic and the gang into the world of “1001 Arabian Nights.” As someone who wasn’t really playing video games at the time, I’ve never had the chance to enjoy either “Secret Rings” or it’s sequel, “Sonic and the Black Knight.”

In fact, at the time, I regarded the Storybook with nothing but exhausted disgust. Seeing Sonic and friends cosplay their way through famous myths and stories did not peek my interest. It seemed to me like another desperate attempt by Sega to reinvent the series, instead of just doing what most fans wanted. Namely, revisiting the classic, Genesis-era style of game play. (Sega would eventually do this, amid another dozen mediocre spin-off titles.) Keep in mind, this was right in the wake of the disastrous “Sonic ‘06,” when the franchise truly looked like it was in its death throes. Nowadays, as with every entry into this franchise, the Storybook series has a small following.

But, no, I didn’t buy myself a twelve year old Wii game — still available on GameStop clearance wracks nation wide, I’m sure — for Christmas. That’s not nearly nerdy enough for a Hyper-Nerd like me. Instead, I bought myself a retail exclusive bonus for a twelve year old Wii game. For whatever reason, if you bought your copy of “Sonic and the Secret Rings” at Target, it came with a DVD containing a digital comic book. This comic was produced by Archie, with words by Ian Flynn and art by Tracy Yardley. Which means my Archie Sonic collection wasn’t technically complete without, weirdly, a DVD.

Flynn made no attempt to squeeze the aptly entitled “Sands, Spirits, and Sonic Speed” into the comic’s continuity. This is essentially the first “Another Time, Another Place” story, those out-of-continuity, strictly-for-promotional-purposes back-ups stories Flynn would do any time Sega demanded a comic tie-in with their new shitty “Sonic” game. Presumably because the comic was packaged with the game, Flynn’s script makes no attempt to explain why Sonic is in the world of “1001 Arabian Nights.” He just races straight ahead into the story, which has Sonic talking with a friendly genie named Shahra. They are on some quest to stop an asshole genie named Erazor. This douche shot a flaming arrow into Sonic’s chest that will eventually kill him. Many familiar friends and new enemies will be encountered on this journey.

As was the case with Flynn’s other promotional stories, there’s not a lot of substance to “Sands, Spirits, and Sonic Speed.” This is a comic strictly designed to set up the game’s premise. On that account, it’s a failure. How Sonic ended up in the pages of a centuries-old literary work, what Erazor’s master plan is, or even what the titular Secret Rings do are left unexplained. Aside from the time limit of the magical fire eating away at his chest, there’s little plot here. Instead, the comic explains which famous “1001 Nights” characters the “Sonic” cast is playing. Tails is Ali Baba, Knuckles is Sinbad the Sailor, and Robotnik is the murderous Sultan, with Shahra clearly being inspired by Scheherazade. (Weirdly, the book’s most famous character — Aladdin — is left out.) In other words, it’s not so much a story as a checklist.

As you’d imagine, that makes for a tedious read. But I don’t really blame Flynn for that. I imagine Sega probably demanded the comic function like this and that the author would’ve much rather explored the Arabesque world and interlocking narratives. Sure, he would’ve. As boringly professional as this comic is, Flynn does somehow manage to sneak in a crumb of emotion.

Since the whole story is nothing but a conversation between Sonic and Shahra, he zeroes in on their relationship. And it’s kind of cute. The genie has never had a real friend before, only people who treated her as a wish-granting slave. Sonic’s graciousness and kindness towards her is a new experience for her, which is awfully sweet to watch. It almost makes me want to see more of this totally disposable, lame Sega character, this generic pink-haired anime sprite.

If Flynn’s script is totally workman-like, Yardley’s artwork is similarly just-fine. It has the same pluck and energy as Yardley’s usual work. Sonic and the gang all look very familiar. The anime-esque humanoid characters look perfectly serviceable too. Shahra’s facial expressions are actually pretty cute. Where the artwork falters is in the backgrounds, which are often reduced to just flat squares of colors. The coloring is also slightly less vibrant than the usual Archie work, which might just be a side-effect of this being a digital comic instead of a physical book.

So it’s about as painless as these empty, lifeless promo comics can be. You can tell Flynn was trying to breath some life into this, when not fulfilling whatever obligations Sega gave him. Honestly, it’s better than the tie-ins he would write for “Sonic Chronicles,” “Sonic and the Black Knights,” “Sonic Generations,” and “Sega All-Stars Racing.”  Does my life feel more complete now that my Archie “Sonic” comic collection is now 115% complete? Eh, sure. That’s worth at least a [5/10], I think.

And isn’t that what the holidays are all about? Filling the void in your soul with empty spending on stupid bullshit you don’t need? In all seriousness, I want to sincerely thank everybody reading this for sticking with Hedgehogs Can’t Swim for another year. The blog is heading into its fifth year of continuous updates, something I never would’ve imagined when I brought it back to life in 2016. I’ve been happy to see new and old commenters around as I start my new journey through the “Sonic” cartoons. But enough of me patting myself in the back. Whatever you are celebrating as 2019 comes to a close, I hope you have a great one!