Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.34: Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.34: Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior

Original Air Date: November 24th, 1993

Clearly, the writers of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" would just make up random characters to build episodes around, which is why this show introduced so many disposable characters that were never seen again. Yet I often find myself wondering how the writers went about deciding what characters would show up in future episodes. What made Von Schlemmer and Wes Weasly worthier of further appearances than Dr. Warpnik or Katella? As far as I can tell, it was up to the individual writers. Which is probably why Mad Mike and Big Griz, the highly annoying duo known as "Da Bears" introduced in "The Robotnik Express," showed up again later down the line. Doug Booth wrote both episodes and I guess he found these ursine nincompoops especially amusing, or was totally out of other ideas, because he even gave Mad Mike title billing in his second episode. 

"Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior" begins with a rabbit named Updike fleeing from Scratch and Grounder. Apparently, Robotnik has enslaved Updike's cotton-tailed countrymen to carve a mountain into the shape of his face. Robotnik is even denying his slaves food, having littered the path to the mountain with traps. Sonic and Tails recruit Mad Mike and Big Griz to drive a tanker truck full of chili dogs up the mountain. Scratch and Grounder are on their tail, attempting to keep the life-giving substance from reaching its destination. Shenanigans ensue. 

This is another one of those "AoStH" episodes that I would describe as almost totally useless. It's an almost plotless twenty-two minutes. The runtime is filled with increasingly senseless and wacky quasi-comedic encounters, as the characters travel from point-A to point-B. There's a baffling sequence set in a swamp, that concludes with a chili-stuffed alligator falling from the sky onto Scratch and Grounder's heads. Despite being an episode about traveling and driving around in fucking trucks, it's last act is set in an inexplicable medieval castle, which includes a giant robot knight in armor. In order to defeat the knight and save the day, the tanker truck randomly transforms into a dragon. None of it is funny. It's just random, stupid bullshit happening for no reason. Throughout its run, "AoStH" repeatedly mistook wackiness for comedy and that's never been more apparent here. 

Doug Booth built "The Robotnik Express," and Da Bears' entire existence, around a lazy pop culture reference that children would be unlikely to understand. He does it again with "Mad Mike, Da Bear Warrior." Yes, this is an extremely vague parody of "The Road Warrior." A tanker truck full of life giving substance recalls the groundbreaking car chase finale of George Miller's 1981 cult hit. One of the many goofy hazards the episode cooks up are a squad of amphibian bikers called "Toad Warriors." (Which actually rhymes with "Road Warrior," unlike this episode's title.) Even though the Mad Max connection is largely dropped by the end, Booth still makes sure to name the knight robot Sir Humongous, as a shout-out  to "Road Warrior's" hockey-mask clad antagonist. 

As parody, it's loose and doesn't really comment on or poke fun at the second "Mad Max" movie in any meaningful way. It's just another example of the kind of lazy pop culture references you'd see in nineties kids media. "Here's a homage to something well known or beloved, because that'll be wacky and random." Not that I'd expect many five-year-olds in 1993 to know what "The Road Warrior" was. (I might've heard the title "Mad Max" at the time but I definitely hadn't seen any of the movies or even knew what they were about.) I wouldn't expect the same kids to get the "SNL" reference of Da Bears either, so I guess Booth just didn't give a shit. He also names a rabbit character Updike, a nod to the "Rabbit, Run" series of novels by John Updike. That's a reference little kids definitely wouldn't get, so I guess Booth just threw these jokes – if you can call them "jokes" – in to amuse himself. 

Truthfully, there are moments in "Da Bear Warrior" that feel kind of inappropriate. And not in the usual "the animators were indulging in an obscure fetish of their's" way this show frequently does. Robotnik enslaves people not with wacky brain pollen or magic microchips but just by capturing them, forcing them to work, and keeping food from them. That feels kind of dark, don't you think? Later, Scratch and Grounder capture Mad Mike and interrogate him, threatening him with bodily torture. That is also a little fucked-up. Sonic saves Mike by dressing up as a German officer with a riding crop, causing Jaleel White to unleash his worst accent yet. He wears a WWI-era Keizer helmet during this, presumably because a Nazi armband would've been a little too on-the-nose. It all feels a little out-of-place. Like, I obviously don't care about offensive jokes or even including adult humor or situations in kids programming. But I don't think the children of 1993 were ready for Nazi jokes, okay? 

There's one joke in "Da Bear Warrior" that made me chuckle a little. While reading a manual on torture – see, that sounds really dark when you type it out! – Scratch mangles several words while pronouncing them out loud. Even illiteracy jokes seem mildly uncool, though not as bad as Sonic goosestepping. Also, this is only the second episode I can think of where Sonic calls Tails "Miles," which was unexpected. Also also, Scratch and Grounder pilot a rocket-powered drilling machine that resembles the Marble Garden boss battle from "Sonic 3..." A game that wasn't out yet when this cartoon was made. It's a lame, frequently shrill episode. Some of the blame lies with the writers but I doubt they were given enough time or money to produce a meaningful product. Oh well. Only seven more of these left... [4/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.63: Sonic is Running

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.63: Sonic is Running

Original Air Date: November 23rd, 1993

"Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" was rarely a political show, at least purposefully. Despite that, and probably because the title made for an easy pun, the show decided to try its hand at presidential satire. "Sonic is Running" begins with Momma Robotnik paying her son an unexpected visit. She's jealous that the son of a cohort was recently elected president of his gardening club. She demands Robotnik run for president and, despite opposing the idea of a fair election, he agrees to the ploy. Wes Weasly is hired as his campaign manager and soon cooks up ads that hypnotize people into voting for Robotnik. Sonic's eyes are too fast to be hypnotized. He quickly decides to run against Robotnik, humiliating him every chance he gets. 

"Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" was made back in the blissfully naïve days of the Clinton administration, back when a president getting a blowjob was enough to nearly derail his entire career. In the smoking wreckage of the Trump years, "Sonic is Running" plays entirely differently than it did back in 1993. A sociopathic wannabe dictator with ridiculous hair running for president is no longer possible solely within the realm of cartoons. Once again, I can't help but notice eerie parallels between this twenty-year-old cartoon and our recent present. Robotnik's ad campaigns promise to return Mobius to simpler, more traditional times. He wants to Make Mobius Great Again. He fetishizes the Mobian flag, without ever engaging with what these things actually mean. Despite constantly doing terrible things, people are compelled to pay attention to him. In fact, he develops a devoted cult following despite being awful at every opportunity. 

Of course, noting similarities between Trump appealing to the worst instincts of the American condition and Robotnik literally hypnotizing people into loving him is a stretch, even for me. The biggest difference between this crude parody of a presidential campaign and the crude parody of reality that was 2016 is that Wes Weasly tries to reshape Robotnik into a wholesome, all-American family man. He designs a loyal wife for him, a smiling June Cleaver. (I can't find a meaningful connection between a custom-built android wife and a purchased European supermodel but I feel like there's a comparison to make there.) Wes also insists Robotnik has a lovable dog, saying voters won't accept their president not having a pet. The biggest difference between fiction and reality is that, every time Robotnik does something terrible, it breaks the spell and people turn on him. Robotnik's campaign fails. I guess the idea of some voters embracing an objectively dreadful human being to "own the libs" was beyond the writers of a cartoon show back in 1993. 

Of course, the fact that American politics became more grotesquely cartoonish in the last two decades really isn't a credit to this show. "Sonic is Running" is, as you'd expect, not cutting-edge political satire. It's mostly underachieving slapstick. Robotnik's dog bites his heel every time he says heel. This show continues to operate under the assumption that all television is live and Robotnik's campaign commercial is full of mishaps. Sonic tricks the doctor into repeatedly eating garbage in one scene. The episode ends with its various running gags piling up and Robotnik being crushed by a stage light. Never once does the show state what Mobian voters actually like, as Sonic's only stated political position is his stance against Robotnik. As soon as he wins, he resigns and gives the presidency to Henry Walrus, a candidate that is stated to be wholesome but we learn literally nothing about. 

None of the jokes are all that funny but there is an incredibly bizarre gag that I must mention. At one point, Sonic dresses up as a "sexy" women and attempts to seduce Robotnik. He is seemingly successfully tempted but must delay the rendezvous because his robo-wife is in the next room. RoboWife immediately discovers the quasi-infidelity and is immediately enraged. But the question must be asked: What was Sonic's endgame here? What if the wife hadn't noticed sooner? What if Robotnik had been more eager? Would our hedgehog hero had to, uh, follow through? Not to mention the casual homoeroticism of Robotnik, once again, being attracted to his enemy in drag. Moreover, why was there a joke about politicians wanting to fuck the first pretty female they see in this cartoon? It's a really weird moment, is the point. 

Moving on from that subject... We are nearing the end of "AoStH" run, in both production and airing order. It's interesting that this show without almost zero continuity did manage to build up a unique supporting cast of sorts. Momma Robotnik is not the focus of the episode but she does motivate its plot. Wes Wesley, with his ability to sell people all sorts of terrible bullshit, proves adapt at the job of campaign manager. Bert Whoo and Roxy from "Untouchable Sonic" show up for a scene. So does the aghast polar bear that has shown up previously for one-off gags. Even the news reporter Collie Chang has previously appeared, in "Zoobotnik." 

Only Wes really contributed anything to the episode, his slimy conman antics providing a vague commentary on the American political process. Momma is just there to yell and humiliate Robotnik. Bert and Roxy appear just to show how even good people are susceptible to Robotnik's brainwashing. Chang provides inappropriate cleavage. (This show did have a weird habit of sexualizing its female characters, didn't it?) I sort of wish Breezie and Junior could've shown up, just to bring back some more familiar faces. This show's unique characters did have their own weird charm, I'm aghast to admit. 

Oh, also: Even though the moral of the episode is obviously about how you should never trust political ads, the "Sonic Sez" segment instead reminds kids to brush their damn teeth. Anyway, "Sonic is Running" is not really a funny episode but it can't help but be kind of an interesting one. Even if that was mostly on accident. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.25: Sno Problem

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.25: Sno Problem

Original Air Date: November 22nd, 1993

Maybe the biggest convention of the platformer game genre, even more so than jumping on platforms, are levels defined by specific gimmicks. Green, outdoorsy levels or castle/dungeon levels are about as old as the genre itself. Levels in outer space, factories, deserts, or snowy terrains are also common concepts. Honestly, it's surprising that a mainline "Sonic" game didn't feature a snow level until 1994's "Sonic 3." (The arcade-exclusive "SegaSonic the Hedgehog" had a snow level but remained obscure for years to come.) The snow level would become a mainstay of the "Sonic" franchise after that. And it's easy to see why. Slick snow and ice provides lots of challenges and advantages to a speedy guy like Sonic. The tie-in media was well aware of this, with "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" featuring a snow-themed episode long before the Ice Cap Zone reached American shores. 

"Sno Problem" revolves around Robotnik inventing two world-conquering new devices. The first is the Ultra Freeze-o-Matic, a ray that can instantly cover an area in ice and snow. The second is the Servitude Chip, which can render robots and living beings his complete slave. The idea is that he's going to freeze everyone and install the chips while they are immobile. Sonic and Tails are vacationing on Mount Splatterhorn when a Robotnik-generated blizzard blows in. Scratch and Grounder, Servitude Chips in their heads, are soon in pursuit of our heroes. 

From the punny title on down, "Sno Problem" hits most of the beats you'd expect from a snow episode. There's jokes about the words "cool" and "chill." An entire sequence is built around comedic skiing mishaps and there's a separate joke about ski lifts. Snowballs, avalanches, frozen lakes, and icy bridges all show up. About the only winters tropes not touched on here are yetis and snowmen, left out seemingly only because other episodes utilized them.

So this is not an episode that a lot of thought was put into. The jokes are about what you'd expect. There's three separate instances of Sonic dressing up in wacky costumes. Scratch and Grounder act like idiots throughout. Even Robotnik is easily fooled by a painting in one scene, which soon leads to a particularly buffoonish defeat. By the end, I felt like the writers were actively rebelling against the routine material. "Sno Problem" gets increasingly surreal as it goes on, the last few minutes featuring several meta gags. Such as Scratch and Grounder's being literally launched into the next episode, Sonic referencing "the oldest trick in the book" and then producing that book, and a billboard of Robotnik springing to life. 

About the only interesting thing about "Sno Problem" is how it further develops Robotnik's tyrannical personality. Once again, the villain's ultimate goal is to bend the entire world's population to his will. He doesn't want to just rule the world. He desires a planet entirely obedient to him. Robotnik wants ultimate control over every sentient being. This was probably just the writers imagining the most cartoonishly evil motivation they could think of. But, in the context of everything else we know about this version of Robotnik, it once again reveals him as a deeply insecure man desperate to confirm his utterly massive but entirely fragile ego. Robotnik will not feel truly good about himself until every single living thing on Mobius is under his control. 

Yet, because this is a cartoon devoted to humiliating its villain in the most brutal of ways, Robotnik can't even make good brain-washed slaves. It says a lot about the guy that he built two robot minions and then had to upgrade them with special chips to make them truly subservient. Even after the Servitude Chips are installed, Scratch and Grounder are still idiots. They accidentally squish Robotnik with a periscope. Sonic easily tricks them into believing he is their ultimate master. Later, after Robotnik regains control, Sonic tricks the robots again into freeing the enslaved Tails. I guess it is Robotnik's tragic flaw to greatly overestimate his own genius. Even his "perfect" slaves are deeply imperfect.

In short, it's a pretty boring episode. The animation is weirdly schizophrenic, as some moments - like Tails dancing - are smoothly animated while others - Sonic walking up to a tree - are utterly stiff. Also, the Sonic Sez segment is about bicycle safety. Which is weird, since we've never seen Sonic anywhere near a bicycle ever, before or since. Anyway, I'm pretty impressed that there's only nine episodes of this show left and I'm still managing to find this much to say about each one. [5/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.11: Sonic's Song

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.11: Sonic's Song

Original Air Date: November 19th, 1993

As you've probably noticed, I have few specific memories of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog." Even though I was a regular viewer as a kid, few of the episodes proved memorable to young me. However, "Sonic's Song" is an episode I vividly recall. I owned all of the "SatAM" VHS releases and watched them repeatedly, to satisfy a Sonic-addicted brain that was deprived of content. However, of the six "AoStH" tapes, the only one I owned was "Sonic's Song." Even though I didn't like the show as much, I still watched that tape as much as the other. I've been waiting to get to this episode – produced early on but shown much later – the entire retrospective. 

"Sonic's Song" is both the name of the episode and the breakaway radio hit that drives its plot. Country singer Catty Carlisle has recorded an ode to Mobius' super-fast hedgehog hero. The song becomes an immediate success and is soon inescapable... Much to the annoyance of Dr. Robotnik. Enraged, he builds a robot designed specifically to hunt down and destroy all music. Sonic decides to protect Catty but, while out looking for her special guitar, the Music Destroyer robot captures her. Robotnik attempts to force the singer to compose a song about him, though she resists. Sonic and Tails risks capture to save Catty and all of Mobius' music.

The second episode on that VHS tape was "Best Hedgehog," which I had no memory of, neither now nor when I watched it at the start of this retrospective. Multiple elements from "Sonic's Song," however, have been burned into my brain for twenty-six years. Specific images from this episode have remained with me all that time. Like Tails getting blown into a wind-sock. Or Robotnik's ass growing to giant size as he plays a pipe organ. (This is another ass-fixated episode, as there's also a scene transition centered around the Music Destroyer's gluts.) I must've watched that tape a hundred times because I remember this episode better than most "SatAM" installments, what's supposed to be my favorite "Sonic" cartoon. 

Most of all, the titular song proves truly unforgettable. It takes the melody of the show's theme song – which was already pretty catchy, considering it was based on the first game's opening track – and adds a bluegrass twang to it. This works surprisingly well. The lyrics are pretty inane but obviously they are effective, because I can remember every single fucking one two decades later. It's totally believable that this song would take over the Mobius pop charts. It helps that Catty's voice artist, who seems to be uncredited but was probably Kathleen Barr or Jennifer Copping, actually has a decent singing voice. That character proves more likable and competent than she needed to be. I sort of wish she was brought back for an encore. (Also surprising, considering this show's tendency to ship Sonic with any female character, she has no romantic chemistry with Sonic.)

Now is the episode good? Well... The first half isn't too bad. There's the expected boomer gag of a Wolfman Jack-inspired radio deejay. A bird shits in Robotnik's face, though they try and play it off like an egg. However, the Music Destroyer robot is genuinely pretty amusing. Discounting the phonograph style horn atop his head, he has a fairly intimidating design. His voice, on the other hand, is nasally and whining, a funny contrast to his appearance. Maybe it's just because I'll never be able to forget it but his nerdy whines of "I hate music!" make me chuckle for some reason. 

The episode, sadly, peaks with Robotnik's organ jam. Which features Scratch and Grounder in colorful suits and wigs, another decent gag. After that, the episode's music gimmick fades and the focus turns to Sonic trying to trick Scratch and Grounder into letting him escape. Pretty typical, tired shenanigans for this show. Maybe these scenes drag just because the oddly endearing Music Destroyer isn't in them. There's an attempt to bring things back around at the end, when Sonic defeats Robotnik with the Power of Rock, but by then it's too late. The episode has deflated. Considering how vividly I recall the first half of this episode, and how little I remember about the second half, my ADHD-addled childhood brain must've wandered off by that point any time I watched the tape. 

However, I think this episode is the reason why I held a big misconception about this version of Robotnik. Catty's song refers to Sonic as a "teenage fugitive on the run" who is going to "make Mobius free." The radio station that plays her music has the call sign of REBL, suggesting it's an underground operation fighting the man via pirate radio. Is this the entire reason I thought Robotnik already had control of Mobius, "SatAM"-style,  in this show? Something supported by almost no other episode? I guess this just further supports my theory that the writers of this show simply couldn't decide what kind of baddy Robotnik was supposed to be. 

Oh, another thing I definitely recalled about this episode was the "Sonic Sez" segment. Don't listen to your music so loud you wandered into traffic, kids. This is definitely how I learned that prolonged exposure to loud noises can destroy your hearing. (Which didn't stop me from being a teenage punk rocker and developing tinnitus as an adult. Oh well.) Even though I kind of want this to be my favorite episode of the show, by repetition and default, only parts of it hold up especially well. But that song is still catchy as shit. Ain't nothing gonna take that away from us. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.53: Honey, I Shrunk the Hedgehog

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.53: Honey, I Shrunk the Hedgehog 

Original Air Date: November 18th, 1993

It's somewhat forgotten today but "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" was a surprise blockbuster back in 1989. The film's success was really a testament to the ever-green appeal of the shrinking movie. From "The Incredibly Shrinking Man" up through "Fantastic Voyage," "Innerspace," and the "Ant-Man" movies, it's a premise Hollywood returns to about every decade and usually to much popularity. The "Sonic" franchise is not exempt from this fascination. An early Archie comic would follow a similar path while the fifty-third episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" directly paid homage to this miniature subgenre.

"Honey, I Shrunk the Hedgehog" has Robotnik creating his most diabolical plot yet. Using a shrink ray, he has miniaturized natural resource production centers from all around Mobius. Collecting them in a very Kandor-like jar, he un-shrinks the oil, gems, and other resources to use in his global domination ploy. His latest target is Mole Mountain, a hill full of coal. Unbeknownst to Robotnik, Sonic and Tails are on Mole Mountain to help the local miners become more productive at their jobs. Shrunk with the rest of the mountain, the tiny Sonic and Tails soon escape Robotnik's jar and go on an adventure through his laboratory. 

One of the big appeals of the shrinking movie premise is that it's an easy reversal of the giant animal movie. Why make one small animal big when you can make people tiny, thus rendering every animal big? In this episode, Sonic and Tails grapple with a lizard, a rat, and – in a likely homage to the original "The Fly" – a spider. It's a neat series of obstacles to run through. Moreover, I think it's human nature to look at tiny insects and wondered what their lives are like. It takes us minutes to walk across a room but it's an epic journey for a flea-sized person. (There's even a bit where the teeny moles infect Robotnik's mustaches like fleas.) "Honey, I Shrunk the Hedgehog" also touches on that. Honestly, I'm shocked a "Sonic" game has never featured a level like this. Running a little Sonic through a giant-sized but otherwise mundane room sounds like a fun stage. 

Many shrinking stories – like the aforementioned Archie "Sonic" issue – venture inside living bodies. This too is a natural instinct, to wonder what the germs inside us go through. Here, that reasoning is applied to Scratch and Grounder. Sonic and Tails sneak inside their heads and find the control panels, taking over their bodies. This, in a roundabout way, concludes the character arcs Robotnik's two robot henchmen have been veering towards recently. Scratch and Grounder are finally allowed to rebel against their abusive creator/father figure, albeit under no control of their own. Since the status quo is king, this is probably the closest the two will ever get to getting back at their bad boss. There's also something amusing about hearing obvious Sonic and Tails dialogue spoken in Scratch and Grounder's voices. 

Once again, Robotnik's villainy shifts with the needs of the story. In recent episodes, he's tried to demolish an orphanage, take over the world with mind-control pollen, and dominate a television show. Here, he takes a more reasonable path towards world conquering. Namely, by seizing control of Mobius' natural resources. This implies that Mobius is a world dependent on gasoline and coal, which we've had very little evident of up to this point. Instead of just seizing control of these resources with brute military force, he uses wacky sci-fi gadgetry. But the pay-off is the same. This is a message to kids that he who controls the fuel controls the world. Which certainly makes Robotnik seem way more devious than he has recently.

Yet the plot still raises more questions then it answers. In the opening scene, we see Sonic gift a group of mole miners with shoes styled after his own and hard hats outfitted with blue spines. This seemingly gives the moles Sonic-like speed and sawing abilities. So, wait, his speed is in his shoes? Didn't they do a whole episode contradicting that? Why do Sonic-hats give moles spin dash powers? Moreover, where the hell did Sonic get these hats and shoes? Could anyone have access to these accessories? Why not gift s group of likeminded individuals with these and form a whole Sonic squad to take down Robotnik? That seems like a way more practical application of this technology then helping people strip-mine Mobius' natural resources faster. 

Also, since when has Sonic branched out into corporate partnership and motivational speaking? Granted, we don't know that the mole foreman paid Sonic to help. He seems to give the superpower granting hats and shoes away for free. But the implications are many. Is this a side gig to Sonic traveling the globe and fighting evil? Is this how he pays for all those chili dogs? The idea of Sonic being a corporate shill, helping out the historically shitty mining industry, isn't the only disturbing implication of this episode. For some probably racist reason, all the miner moles have Scottish or Irish accents. The foreman even has a red beard and wears a kilt. Ya know, that's a stereotype I was previously unfamiliar with and I somehow doubt our proud Scot-Irish friends appreciate being compared to animals that dig through dirt all day. 

Sorry if I spend these reviews rambling on about minor details, instead of discussing the episode's events. There's not a lot to talk about as far as the actual jokes and writing goes. There's a pretty dire slapstick sequence early on, where Scratch mistakes Grounder's head for the shrink ray's battery. Naturally, Robotnik gets his daily dose of humiliation. But I will give this episode some points for utilizing its premise in quasi-interesting ways and not annoying me too much. I've learned to be thankful for attributes like that. [6/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.55: The Mobius 5000

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.55: The Mobius 5000

Original Air Date: November 17, 1993

Race car driving has been popular for many, many years but, as far as I recall, professional racing first became huge in the nineties. NASCAR was and is often mocked as the sport of choice for toothless rednecks but star drivers like Dale Ealehardt still made it extremely popular at the time. You know this is true, because there was even a cartoon show inspired by the brand. As you probably guessed, I never had any interest in this sport either... But car races do have a certain cinematic quality to them. There's been many highly entertaining carsploitation flicks made over the decades. Considering it's a franchise all about going fast, it's not shocking that Sonic and car races would be mashed up sooner rather than later. 

A conclusion we can see in "The Mobius 5000," the fifty-fifth episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog." Robotnik threatens to evict a porcupine orphanage unless they pay him 10,000 Mobians. This happens to be the exact amount offered to the winner of the Mobius 5000, a perilous 24-hour car race across the country. After the porcupines go to Sonic for help, he immediately decides winning the race is the best chance at getting that money. Dr. Caninestein whips up a car and they're off. But Robotnik has planned for all of this and has entered four murderous race-bots into the race alongside Sonic. 

As I said, putting the speedy Sonic in a racing context makes perfect sense. Sega touched upon this idea as early as 1994, with the Game Gear exclusive "Sonic Drift" series, and would continue to explore it in titles like "Sonic R," "Sonic Rivals," "Sonic Riders," and so on. It's a natural idea, is the point. Since "AoStH" had already done an episode based around a foot race, sticking Sonic in a race car was the next best thing. "The Mobius 5000" does a surprisingly good job of blending game elements with the race premise. The racers pass through the Chemical Plant and Casio Nights zones, those settings making ideal challenges for a race. (There's also an ice stage, predicting "Sonic 3's" Ice Cap Sone.) Sonic makes a stopover in the Special Zone, as a morally dubious short-cut to the finish line. It's a lot more than I was expecting. 

Also surprising is that the race-bots Robotnik cooks up to sabotage Sonic are... Kind of cool? They have slick, aerodynamic designs. Each has built-in gadgets, weapons, and cool code names. Scorpion has a laser shooting stinger, Scraper has a bulldozer blade, for flipping and damaging opponents. Cross-Moto is a motorcycle-style bot with a tank torrent-like head. Speedo... okay, Speedo doesn't have a cool name or gimmick but three outta four ain't bad. Most shocking of all, each of the Race Bots are treated like actual threats. They aren't goofy or ridiculous. They're actually totally functional villains. 

Furthermore, this is one of the few "AoStH" episodes were violence has actual consequences. Yeah, Robotnik gets squished with a wall. Scratch and Grounder are subjected to their usual humiliation, of being exploded and dismembered. But the Race Bots? Sonic kills all of them. Scorpion's stinger is tossed into an electric line. Sonic tricks Scraper into smashing through a frozen-over lake. Cross-Moto is flipped into the air and slammed into the ground. Speedo is straight-up sawed in two. They are never shown being reassembled or joking after their defeats. They're fucking dead. I really didn't expect this show to have as much in common with "Death Race 2000" as it did "The Cannonball Run." It's shockingly direct and brutal for this show.

Despite Sonic viciously dispatching his opponents, this is still a goofy slapstick show. Scratch and Grounder pop in from time-to-time during the race. There's an odd sequence where they decide to help Sonic. After he's buried in some ice, Scratch and Grounder become jealous of the Race Bots and decide to sabotage their success by freeing Sonic. (He repays them by burying them in the same ice, cause Sonic doesn't give a shit.) It's such an odd moment, since the two are back to trying to explode Sonic's car a few scenes later. I'd say the writers painted themselves into a corner but come on. Later in the episode, Sonic spins the car out of a pit of deadly chemicals. The hedgehog can speed-fuck his way out of any scenario. I sincerely think the showrunners just wanted to further develop this idea of Scratch and Grounder being needy, unloved kids desperate to please their dad/creator. 

It all adds up for a fairly entertaining episode, relatively free of the annoying quirks of this program. If "AoStH" maintained this balance of goofy humor, serious action, and game-derived story beats all the time, I'd enjoy the show more often. (It doesn't hurt that Caninestein replaces the more commonly appearing, and more annoying, Von Schlemmer here.) With only twelve episodes left, is the show going to end strong? Definitely not but I still kind of liked this one. I'm as shocked as you are. [7/10]

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.57: Road Hog

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Episode 1.57: Road Hog

Original Air Date: November 16th, 1993

This is one of those "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" episodes with about three different premises, so here we go. While running through a small town, Sonic and Tails are given a speeding ticket. Unable to pay the fine, they are quickly arrested and put on a chain-gang, doing hard labor. There, they encounter Colonel Stench, a stinky skunk chemist who has discovered a type of flower with mind-controlling properties. It turns out Robotnik is already aware of this pollen and plans on using it to seize control of the world. Stench has already perfected an antidote, which our heroes use to escape. After Sonic faces Robotnik, he gets blasted with the pollen and brain-washed into being unaware of his speed. Through further contrivances, he ends up part of a biker gang of pigs. This leaves Tails and Stench alone to stop Robotnik's mind-warping plot. Got all that?

Once again, "AoStH" stumbled its way into a progressive political statement. Here, we see a small town speed trap squeezing travelers for cash via speeding tickets. When that doesn't work, they become legal slave labor, prisoners damned to a life time of hard work with little chance of escape. (More days are added onto Tails and Sonic's sentence for the smallest infractions.) We soon learn this is all a scheme by an evil corporate master to imprison people who can damage his latest plot. Such as Sonic and Colonel Stench. The prison guards are presented as literally faceless, hulking minions, all literally under Robotnik's control. In other words: Prison labor is unjust and simply another tool by those-in-power to repress undesirables. 

This episode ends with a "Sonic Sez" segment encouraging kids to go to police officers for help. Which is funny, because everything else here is directly opposed to that message. This is the first, and only time, police have been shown enforcing a speed limit on Sonic. One can assume that the small town cops are also under Robotnik's control, that the entire ordeal was a set-up to capture the hedgehog. See, kids, cops serve their political masters, not the public trust. Later, while part of the biker gang, Sonic spin-dashes through a cop car, the officers inside being totally ineffectual. During the edutainment segment, Sonic says it is the cops' job to protect you but this is, in fact, not the law. It is very odd that whoever was responsible for the "Sonic Sez" segment were so disconnected from the moral of the actual cartoon. Sonic says ACAB, no matter what. 

Anyway: Throughout nearly every incarnation of the "Sonic" franchise, Robotnik's ultimate goal is to bend the world to his will. Through "SatAM" and the Archie comics, he did this via Roboticization. Since Robotnik doesn't seem to remember the handy ray gun he had during the Chaos Emerald saga, Roboticizers don't really exist in this show. Dousing the world with mind-control pollen is the next best thing. Honestly, this is one of "AoStH" Robotnik's best schemes. If he had just killed Stench when he was captured, he absolutely would have succeeded this time. If this show had any use for continuity, control of the brain-washing pollen would probably be an on-going plot. Its effects seemingly have few limits, meaning whole empires could be built in days with it. Or, counter wise, Sonic could've just thrown some on Robotnik and ended that threat immediately. Alas, this show is not that smart, so this is just another goofy one-off concept. 

Instead of running with the ramifications of its actual plot, "Road Hog" functions mostly as a goofy amnesia episode. This was such a stock story at the time that both the early Archie comics and "SatAM" did variations on the exact same idea. It seems "Sonic forgets who he is" was an idea writers just couldn't resist in the early nineties. Instead of turning against his friends, Sonic just spends a good chunk of this episode unaware of his powers or hanging out with that biker gang. Aside from a decent gag about the hedgehog suddenly preferring cheeseburgers to chili dogs, this plot device really goes nowhere. 

This is one of those episodes that really feel like the writers had multiple ideas and haphazardly threw them together, until they had twenty minutes of material. See also: That the episode is named after the pig biker gang even though they contribute little to the actual story. Evil biker gangs is another stock plot TV writers couldn't resist - even "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" did it - and this show adds little to the idea. (Though it is sort of funny that one of the pigs wears a Kaiser helmet.) That Sonic uses the pollen to turn the pigs good at the end is a really weird choice. It's almost like the show is saying that mind-control is bad, except when Sonic does it.

Still, this episode is better than some if only because it features fewer dumb jokes than usual. Colonel Stench, as you might've guessed, smells bad. Thankfully, the episode doesn't linger on that juvenile gag. Scratch and Grounder get tormented, and even bemoan that they're going to die at the end, and Sonic humiliates Robotnik. Par for the course but these same elements have been more obnoxious in the past. When you've watched fifty-two of these things, you just have to be grateful when one is less grating than it could've been. [6/10]